Honesty really is the best policy...So I wast very honest with Ben about what I was looking for. "I'm looking for a relationship.' And as Therapist predicted we had a very serious conversation. He affired that he didn't think he was in a place for one. He listed a litany of reasons...all valid. He expressed an interest in still going out on dates with me (he didn't bolt - SCORE), and I expressed the same. So, we will continue to date/talk/whatever until someone says otherwise.
I immediately was happy with my decision to be open. It felt right, it felt good and everything was out on the table. He didn't bolt and even seemed more engaged in our interactions (even calling me immediately at finding out we were both invited to a party and wanting to make sure I was going before he took the day off).
So how do I feel? Well it's been a few days...and I am still glad with my decision. And, I have a couple feelings running around. "No relationship...MY ASS." and "I am resigned..." I haven't sorted out which one will win out - I guess it will be a matter of time. Does Ben really not want more? Or is it in PJ's best interest to resign myself to a surface relationship and hope for more? In reality - nothing has changed for me...I am still "checked in" with Ben BUT I am also open to the possibilities of meeting someone...who is at the same place as me - and wants the same things. Lord wouldn't that be refreshing.
Lesson learned: Being open and vulnerable will not necessarily get you left in the dust wondering what the hell happened. And...there is nothing wrong with "We'll see"
Unexpected weekends...So this weekend was an explosion of unexpected events. I had dinner plans in NYC...and ended up taking a ride down with a new friend. We had a nice time and I avoided a train ticket. Dinner was great...followed by an unexpected invitation to a fabulous NYC party. ( I sound like such a hick saying that). It was...with a DJ, and a bartender at someone's very fabulous NYC apt with a balcony that stretched a city block...YIKES.
TT called on my way down to the city and asked if I wanted to go to 6 Flags the next morning...why the hell not - who needs sleep. So we did and we had a great time.
OK - enough I'll write more later after working a little...
Laterz...
Update: PJ is excited for a very silly reason!! On it's way...right now...Earth Kitt's Purrrfect Greatest Hits CD!!! Can't wait.
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