Weblog » Archives » November 2004

  • He told me he'd found somebody at last, somebody to understand him, somebody similar...And I listened, I tried to be happy for him...to an extent, I was.But at the same time, I was screaming inside: "What about ME?! I un…

  • *sigh* My computer time has been limited again: I can log in from 6AM to 10PM, then it automatically locks me out. Turns out that Dad, being the sysadmin, found out how late I've been up lately. So now what am I going to…

  • I can't sleep.Fuck.-

  • I wanna do a series of photographs based on "Jesus Of Suburbia." One for each movement, maybe. Or maybe only the first movement, since that's my favorite. In other news in photography; I'm still trying to finish up the C…

  • I think I'm gonna be okay...I've been very tearful lately, is all. I need chocolate....The thing is, everything makes me break down these days. Mostly I've felt hateful--hating myself, hating my body...I need chocolate..…

  • moon covered, determined to findto find my place of hidingtry to detach, try to decreaseto make it easier on medespise myself for what you've donesend me back into my worldhold yourself 'cause no one willI'll make it eas…

  • I woke up around noon in a panic because Anne's party was in three hours. Showered...wound up wearing the little black dress that used to be Stef's...cried a lot for seemingly no reason...continued to get ready...eventua…

  • Whoa. I feel somewhat out of the loop...maybe it's because I've been out all day and have had my phone on vibrate, in my camera case for some reason...so yeah...Becks' house, rehearsal, kidnapped Alex, hung out, ate dinn…

  • New poem for you to read and review. About old wounds, this time...ahh, the joys of emotional scarring...So yeah. It's getting really weird, adjusting to this eating-dairy-and-eggs-again thing. My sister offered me some …

  • all the pretty horsesand all the pretty mencannot put this broken hearttogether againSinger/songwriter I just heard of today: Jonatha Brooke. Definitely one to watch.News flash: I am now a vegetarian. No longer a vegan; …

  • Hung out with Matt for about an hour or so this evening; then we went to go see National Treasure. Three words: totally fucking awesome. And the coolest part about it is ||CENSORED||, and ||CENSORED||. But the thing is, …

  • My fictionpress site is being wonky and does not show that I've just updated, but there is actually a new poem up. (They just revamped the editing process and it confuses me, so the formatting is a bit odd...and my [brac…

  • In honor of blackrider from the deceased Slackerz forums:NEVER TRUST A MAN IN A BLUE TRENCHCOAT ~ NEVER DRIVE A CAR WHEN YOU'RE DEADAnd just because I feel like quoting the above-mentioned comic:"Halt, eh! What's this al…

  • Genitalia made out of candy. Best thing EVER.Yeah, so anyway. I have no idea what we're going to do with those things...they're basically random graham cracker structures covered in a mass of sugar. Who's going to buy th…

  • Well, "Oliver" was pretty good, considering that about half the cast consisted of small children up through the age of about eleven...the youngest was only three. (cue the audience going "Awwwwww...") Some of the charact…

  • Happy birthday, Orri!Saw "Finian's Rainbow" last night. Met up with Gary and his friend David (cool person, musical theatre nerd) completely by accident. The show was awesome. Graham was amazing, of course. So was everyb…

  • Gonna go see "Finian's Rainbow" at LR tonight. Yaaay for Graham and Lauren! Aaaand...yeah. I finally got a good look at the negatives I developed on Tuesday, and made a proof sheet; they're not bad, but the ones I took i…

  • Okay, why does everyone want me to audition for the spring musical?! I know Ms. Stephens kept saying, "Do the things that bring you joy, Alex," but standing on a stage in front of dozens of people and making a fool of my…

  • Not a whole lot happening right now. It's Tuesday, what'dja expect?Highlights:~ reminisced about inside jokes with Mer (NO! It's a SANDWICH!)~ bipped Orri on the head and teased him about his Jewfro~ got to play the part…

  • Right, okay. *breathes deeply* Okayyy...That's sorted, then.I'm home today, because violently crying your eyes out until three in the morning because you've finally realized who you love...well, it kind of makes you want…

  • The twenty words it took me twenty minutes to say:"It's not that I don't like you; it's that I'm trying so hard not to fall in love with you."Oh gods, I am an Infatuation Junkie...slid into the ditchI have this overwhelm…

  • It's getting harder and harder not to adore him. I'm going insane...very slowly...the eyes, the hair, the eyes...the mouth...the hands, oh...The most insane part of this is that I couldn't stop it from happening if I wan…

  • Linguine for breakfast, pancakes for lunch! I Meanwhile, back at the ranch:~ Gracie had a "keyboard musicianship test" this morning, whatever that means. Now she's napping on the couch and I think my Green Day is going t…

  • Well! That's enough depressing shit for a while...yeah.It's cold and wet, and it's Friday. Ahhh...heaven."Mais! La souris est sous la table, la chat est sur la chaise, et le singe et sur la branche!" "Quoi?... La souris?…

  • Had an appointment with Barbara (my darling therapist) this evening. I really, REALLY needed that. Only, when I got there, Dad blurted out the whole mess about my being with Matt, and having a very strong infatuation wit…

  • Right, okay. Apologies to everyone (especially both Matts) for my being such a moron. Infatuation is stupid. Really really stupid. So I'm infatuated with Alex; yeah...'cause he's awesome. He's cool, funny, spontaneous...…

  • Printed the homecoming pics; two of each couple, several (four or six?) of the group shot. Anybody want to see them, ask me to post them; I'm too lazy right now, but I'll get to it eventually.I got more of the tribble ya…

  • Okay. So I'd gotten the negative of my Gracie-sulking-by-the-stained-glass-window shot perfectly focused in the enlarger, and positioned the frame that would hold the paper, and done a test strip, and realized that I'd h…

  • NOTICE: If you're gonna call me during the week, please call me at home. On Friday nights and weekends, feel free to call my cell. Thank you.Okay. So today I mostly felt fat and ugly and horrible. Finally caved in around…

  • Yet another new poem for your reading pleasure. Feedback, s'il vous plaît. Comments much appreciated....I need a bubble bath...-

  • Check this out.Say the INK COLOR of each word.How quickly can you do it?Did you slow down? Harder than you thought, yeah?Anyway. Not much going on. Attended the 11:00 service this morning. Wandered around taking picture…

  • Didn't get home until about 6:30 yesterday, took a shower, and slept. Slept until Matt called me around nine, talked for maybe five or ten minutes, slept until eight this morning. Yeesh. I think I really needed that, tho…

  • Alright, alright, the whole panicking-about-my-weight-and-deciding-not-to-eat thing was stupid. I mean, I had no idea I weighed that much. My new psychiatrist just put me on Stratera, and he had to weigh me to figure out…

  • One hundred and fifty-five pounds.This has to end.I'll just stop eating. I'll starve myself. And I will either become thin, or die.Either way, I win.-

  • Election Day...*bites nails*Check this out.Meanwhile: my mother's car ran over her brain. It's all cracked and it looks like it's bleeding... Fortunately, my dad found a spare brain under my bed so everything's okay now.…

  • Finished "Tramps Like Us: Vol. 2." Sumire Iwaya is starting to remind me of me: people keep telling her she's so fucking wonderful and she just wishes they'd shut up; she has way too many ex-boyfriends, and her first lov…

  • Homecoming was awesome. Fun fun fun. I got to dance with Leigh! I love that kid. And mostly I danced with Matt... And I saw the other Matt dance with Meredith, so happyyyy...yay!And Hallowe'en last night was good, too. …

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