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Tuesday, March 04, 2008

Truely Tragic

I happened to read the news on my homepage today and came across a truely tragic story. When does homicide turn into something uglier? Something so horrid, it's as if life has turned into one of those really good horror flicks. When does justice come to the victims if it is already to late? Even the young are not safe from such violence. We truely live in a violent society, one where no one is safe.
http://www.cnn.com/2008/CRIME/03/03/texas.deaths.ap/index.html?iref=werecommend#cnnSTCVideo
Honestly, what is this world coming to when youth is taken away and replaced with hatred? You have to wonder if we allowed all of these things to happen. Really, I think we have. As a whole, we've become lax on what we allow our children to experiance. We've let the media and peers raise our children, to become what? Take a look at society as a whole. Take a good look at what's happening around you, you'll see just what went wrong.
Parents buying three year old girls make-up kits, to skanky dolls with babies. Boys get toy guns and other such weapons. Violent movies are all over, and most in reach of the youth mentality. We are forcing these young minds to grow quicker then they should. In turn, their mentality does not grow in the correct manner. Who's to blame when they get a warped idea about life? Everyone else, really.
I had to sit back and think about what the parents must have been through with their daughter. So young, so in love, and so stupid. That is tragic in itself. The heartache she must have caused her mother, and the trouble that in turn gave her father. All of it had an effect on the two little ones in the family as well. They obviously felt something a bit off about her boyfriend, and from the looks of it, they where correct.
What normal guy would let their girlfriend talk them into killing someone? I sat and thought, if my husband came home and told me to kill his family, I'd beat the living daylights out of him and leave. I don't get along with his family, and they don't like me much either, but a life is still a life. Would I ever cross that line just for love? No way. Love can happen multiple times, a life is only once.
You begin to wonder what kind of life these children where living? How messed up where their minds? No matter what answer I came up with, it's still their own faults for taking a life. No matter what the circumstances, change is always possible. Yet, neither one of them thought about the lives they where taking. No one thought about the 13 or 8 year old, not even their sister. For that, I think they should all suffer the same fate that poor family did.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Which do you prefer to live in: suburbs, big metropolitan city, or rural? Why?

I have lived in all of those environments. I must say that they each have positives and negatives. I have lived in the suburbs, a place where you can relax and not bother with the city life, unless need be. I have lived in the big city, where you have everything within walking distance and something to do all day long. As well, I have lived in a rural setting, which allows you to completely relax with a minimum amount of interaction.
All three are equally beautiful. All three have something for everyone, but one must enjoy it. So, I cannot say that I prefer one over the others. To me, I can make my home amongst any of them, and still have a wonderful life.
I just answered this Featured Question, you can answer it too!
What is the greatest lesson a friend has taught you?

I think it's been less of what I have learned then what I have come to agree as selfish. When one can be so absorbed by a relationship that it becomes worshipped, you start to lose who you really are. You live each moment as your partner, for your partner, that you forget about yourself. You surround the other person with such devotion and love, that it becomes blinding. When they hurt you, you feel horrible but never express this to them. You allow them to destroy your life because you love them, you don't want them to leave.
When the time comes that they finally say good bye, you still cannot let go. Every morning and every night, thoughts of them fill your head. You speak about nothing but them, you await their return. When that return decides to take a detour, you start planning on how to get them back and keep them. Your life becomes useless without them, and now devious with the attempt to get them back. You have lost something and will do anything to keep it with you. You use anyone in your path to attain the means of your goal. Destroying your own life and the lives of those around you.
It is in this that you find the selfishness. The selfishness of wanting one person and using the others to attain that. The selfishness of suffocating one person whom you want in your life more then anything. The selfishness of not knowing when to let go. I do not ever want to be that heartless.

I just answered this Featured Question, you can answer it too!
Who am I?

I honestly do not know who I am. I know I was born, to a caring father and mother. I know I have a husband and two beautiful children, but who am I really? I know my physical self, I know my mental self, but I do not know my spiritual self. Maybe I do not even know my menatl self well enough, but I understand it. It has been what has kept me sane all of these years. When you do not know your true self, only the shell in which you reside, your mental self is the only thing you have to lean on.
It's as if I am someone's dream, or in their imagination. Yearning to know more about myself, but nearly impossible to attain. Incased in a glass house with no doors, no way of escaping. It's as if I am a doll, in a glass house, played with and then left alone for the night. Not knowing who I am or where I truely came from. Watching everything around me change, grow, and attain something greater, but I am stuck in a battle to free myself. To become the doll which leaves the house and attains her true meaning.
If this glass house where to shatter, were would I be? Would I finally be happy, or would I wish for a new glass house? Would I lift myself up to attain that which was impossible, or would I flee in fear? It's as if I hold the rock which could shatter all, but I am still contemplating if I should throw it. I want to know what is on the other side of this wall, but the fear of it being a cruel fate holds me back. A fate in which I could not control seems worse then existing all alone.
One day I will gather the courage to break these walls, but for now I am stuck here. I will see what is on the other side, but for now I would rather not. Is it fear that keeps me bound here? Maybe. It could very well be my fear of not knowing that keeps me here, as a doll. When you have the tool in which to attain greater meaning, but you do not use it, I think that is fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of what's to come. I wish I could be one of the fearless, someone who needs not to think but do. Yet, that is not me.
Will I be here forever? I also fear that. An existance with no meaning. That is why I picked up the rock, but why I do not throw it is also fear. To live in fear if you do not, or if you do. It would seem I am damned if I don't, and damned if I do. So, why shouldn't I throw this rock? What is it really, if fear awaits me on either side? Fear of the unknown and fear of a shallow existance. Which one is the greater fear? I do not know. Maybe I have become comfortable being the lonely doll in the glass house, and to break these walls would lead to a fate I do not wish to have. Yet, I yearn for that fate. I yearn to see outside these walls. I yearn to know everything that happens when these walls are gone.
Then again, I am a coward. I've held this rock for ages, but have not thrown it.
Hi everyone! Hopefully I will be able to express myself as I intend to through my xanga. It is in the need to find myself that I must share what it is about me that confuses me, excites me, and depresses me. Feel free to speak with me. Any ideas would be very helpful.