Last week I finished reading the Kristin Lavransdatter trilogy. It was a beautiful, tension-filled, painful story. Well, I'm not sure that others would find the story painful, as I did, but I was able to relate to its protagonist, Kristin, far too much. She is headstrong, she lashes out at those who love her, she holds grudges, she is internally conflicted; but she is also strangely pious, having a half-hearted love for God and neighbor that doesn't bear substantial fruit until the very end of her life.
Aside from her personality, I was also able relate to her young life and some of the things that occurred (to know what, you'll have to read the books!). As for her life as an older woman, I saw it as a potential glimpse into my own future. At a certain point after the death of her husband, she is able to view her life as if from the top of a mountain, and realizes that,
"Surely she had never asked God for anything except that He should let her have her will. And every time she had been granted what she asked for--for the most part. Now here she sat with a contrite heart--not because she had sinned against God but because she was unhappy that she had been allowed to follow her will to the road's end."
At her old age, Kristin is finally able to see the big picture, all the consequences of all the choices she had made in life--and she is not pleased. But Kristin is a funny lady, for while she is unhappy with her
decisions, she, later on in the story, also realizes that she does not
wish that she had have chosen differently. How seemingly conflicted,
but how very wise. While things could have been better for her,
she is able to see the good in what she
did choose
and the fact that she cannot change the past. What's done is done. What she must focus on now is choosing the better road for the short
time she has left, which she does, resulting in a saintly deed.
I hope that when I am older, that I will not look back at my life and feel regret, but I talk too much and listen too little. I want my own way, which may not necessarily be good or bad, but will never be as good as what God may suggest. So I fear that, in the end, I will regret.
But, I already have regrets. Many regrets. At various times in my short life, I have made poor choices. But
some of those choices--like some of the choices Kristin had made--I'm not sure that I would want to have made differently, because we can never know what could have been. We only know what has been, and sometimes--if we allow ourselves to--we gain wisdom from what has been, and can help shape what will be. And that is my hope: that, though I have made mistakes, goodness may still come from them somehow. If not now...then someday.
Comments (9)
Not regretting the past, but embracing the present... I concur. That's a great way to live.
And I know this is cliched, but it works here - all things work out for the good of those who love Him.
Very well said, and I agree. I hope good things come of them for you as well! I need to start reading again... I miss it.
p.s. Thanks for the vote!! :)
I don't think I've ever heard of that trilogy before....interesting.
Experiences gathered, lessons learned. Our journey in life is full of these, but it is true. One wonders if one truly listens at times or is simply hearing. When one is still, I have learned, one has the chance to really listen.
Great post! I agree.. Let us live life to the fullest, not regretting the past, but learning from our mistakes.. Cherish every moment for life is truly beautiful. God bless! :)
Undset's writing is full of tension, regret, love and hope. If you haven't read them, you might enjoy some of the stories of Isak Dinesen (Baroness Karen Blixen). She had a similar Scandinavian outlook, and, though she stated at the end of her life that she could never quite reconcile herself to Christianity, her thinking was influenced by Catholicism. I'd recommend "The Immortal Story" and "Babette's Feast" as among her finest.
I have a ton of regrets. I wish to God I didn't. If only If only...but I guess deep down I have learned ...and I have realized the amazing Grace and Mercy of God, too!
@VersaGratis - Perhaps cliched, but true.
@StewieIsMyHero - Reading is a very good thing. Very relaxing at the end of the day, especially with a glass of good wine.
@VaultESL - It was a story that I didn't think men would really find interesting, but my husband loved it. If you like to read, maybe you should look it up on Amazon.
@CarmenDeBizet - But being still is so difficult to do!
@sky_gel - Thanks.
@MlleRobillard - I've never read any Dinesen before. I've heard of Babette's Feast, but only the film.
@LifeNeedsProtection - I ask myself "what if?" all the time. But mercy can cover it all, if we allow it to.
@fullmetalbunny - Yep, sometimes we misinterpret God's will. That's a toughie, for sure.