I dont know why this popped up today, but as I was just soaking in my introverted moments and formulating some strategies for this year, I realized my 1.5 weeks went by in a heartbeat. New Student Outreach 0 week was chaotic but very rewarding (we had more than 600 people come to large group), and we had our first Bible study on Monday and had around 42 people show up. It was pretty amazing! However, it's never about numbers and I'm glad the Lord pounded that into me a while ago. Muir and ERC had much smaller crowds but they witnessed an AMAZING community in their first Bible study. At Muir they had a very intimate moment where it no longer seemed like a "first" Bible study. At ERC, two people decided to follow Jesus for the first time, and two other seekers were very interested in checking out this Jesus. God, I'm SO amazed. I would run after the smaller intimate Bible studies than the big ones at any moment.

However, I realize the Lord blessed us with amazing turnout. And my only desire is to see this community grow in their love for Jesus. To be released to be MEN and WOMEN who LOVE Jesus and recognize their gifts and roles in ministry and life. To know WHO THEY ARE and to stand FIRM on their SOLID foundation. I wish to see them be touched by the Lord in a powerful way so that they will be the bridge makers to those who dont know Jesus (like the role of Levi when he was first called).

My desire is to make my ministry role MY OWN. To put aside my three years of seeing how "dorm ministry" is done, and allowing my specific passions and desires flow into how to bless this new community. I want to grow people for a heart of prayer and seeing RESULTS. I want to (somehow) bring alongside people who will battle for others in PRAYER, and allowing the Kingdom to break through into the ordinary. I want to radically love those I know I dont easily connect with, and to not STICK with my comfort of "Asian" people. I want to be a man who lives by praying and to NOT BE AFRAID to pray at any moment. I want to live life following Jesus and through that be able to invite others into that.

Jesus, teach me how to pray. Teach me how to be my own best minister. Teach me to not follow in the amazing footsteps I've seen, but to be MYSELF. If You've given me a heart to pray, allow me to be bold in praying for anyone and anything. Ugh, scary request, oh nos.

Grow in me my heart of affirmation. Lord, it gives me so much life and I love seeing people affirmed. God, thank You for putting that in me. Really, DAH. THANK YOU.

Teach me how to teach. Haha, Lord, I'm not a very good teacher but I had a lot of fun leading half of our Bible study on Monday. Make me into an effective teacher.

And finally, of course, help me to love deeply. DEEPLY (1 pet 4:8). DEEPLY love You, and DEEPLY love others.

Whoa. While writing this I could totally feel the presence of the Lord resting upon me. Dah. SO GOOD.

I hoped it would be for good things, but to find genuine "good" things on news these days is pretty hard. There's more "excitement" and "pleasure" for the most part hearing about the messed up stuff that happens. The whole spectrum from presidential candidates (who should have great reputations) all the way to the commoners: no one is really exempt from the evil that consumes us daily. Sadly, a friend from my grade in high school (our class was like 130 people) in Korea ended up on headlines for things that none of us really thought could happen to...one...of...us.

http://www.cnn.com/2008/CRIME/09/27/implant.hitmen.reut/index.html
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,429166,00.html
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/26909974/

She's a real human being, and someone I got to interact with a bunch of times in high school. She came to Vida (a very rewarding retreat), knew Christians, went to church occasionally, and lived life. We rode the same bus after school and lived 10 mins walking distance from my home! I guess a lot of us saw she wasnt going in the best direction, but none of us saw this happening. What breaks my heart is that circumstances rise up, things happen, and our lives change for the better or worse, but once we walk in one certain direction full of brokenness, it's hard to just "turn around" and try to redeem ourselves. It requires so much more than our own will power and strength. Isnt that why there's Jesus? Isn't that why there's the cross that became the pillar of strength that gives hope to those who are hopeless, and strength to the weary? Who IS capable of redeeming all that was lost, and be fully embracing when the prodigals run back home? As I opened up the note that I was tagged in from an acquaintance from SAHS, I realized that we are not just people who can disappear off the radar and hope that what we do will not make an impact for better or worse. I was also flooded with a realization of who Jesus is to me, and that in all screwed up situations there's still hope. He's still alive today, redeeming, healing, and restoring what seems hopeless. This is the God I believe in, and one who still loves her despite anything she can possibly do to walk away from that.

Lord, keep wooing her back to You. I don't know how You'll do it, but knowing You, You've already been doing it. Take all of what's happened, clear away confusion and shame, and fill all that's void and bring her back to the cross. Where YOU will meet with her, and remind her that she's Your princess, and that You love her too much to leave her side. God, take all that the enemy planned for wrong, to be used for Your eternal purposes. Your love triumphs over all, and we declare that YOU alone can provide rest and healing for her. I trust that You do and I know that You do. Restore her identity, remind her of who You are, and I pray You breathe peace over her.

The presence of Jesus overflowed in very unexpected ways this past week. Despite how we had three/four different retreats back-to-back, the Lord made an apparent showing at our meetings. I guess it could be considered a little wild, but I was overwhelmed with the inner healing, restoration, and releasing He did with people. No joke, there was a tangibility of the Spirit.

I was very encouraged with the stories that spawned from that unexpected four hour meeting. The intention was to talk about logistics for thirty minutes and then head to bed (because we just got back from leadership summit on Catalina island) but God had very different plans for our team of 35. We sat there, "nonchalantly" invited the Spirit, and He gave at least three confirming words on the same image of water, streams, and lakes. "Oh, that's great!" I thought but I was too tired to really concentrate on "listening", to be honest, and it didn't help that it was stuffy and hot. But others were paying attention, and began confessing the unity of our group, and even the status of how they were feeling. Yeah, sounded "normal" in a usual Christianese setting, but the Lord poured out His blessing upon our group and made a permanent imprint on the way we now see Him. To make it simple: He broke out of His little Jesus/Holy Spirit box that we caged Him into by following religiosity.

The Lord brought out deep things that were preventing people from walking in wholeness and zeal, that probably were eating at their soul and relationship with Him. For privacy reasons I'll refrain from talking about the core of the ministry done, but one of the "side" stories (kind of showing a glimpse of the fruit) that was shared later was how the Lord spoke life into someone struggling with semi-depression and "counterfeit" joy, and released this person to be receptive to being joyful with a genuine heart the rest of the week. You could even see it in this person! However, knowing a little of how the Lord moves and how He has a much bigger picture than just blessing a few people, He used this to co-minister to another person taking part in this time of prayer. Dude. God's Kingdom values! He's so amazing.

Personally, I loved seeing the Lord move tangibly. He totally rocks my world and it brings excitement to my own walk with Jesus, because it requires me to be attentive, ready, active, and listening to His movement. I loved being able to pray with authority, listen to His voice that was constantly speaking words of direction (e.g., go move to that person over there, declare this, say this, bless this, watch and see this, observe and wait, put your hands there, stick with this person, take that spectator's hands and have them participate in this specific part). Dude, no joke. it was such a Spirit-led time. It felt like my antenna was streaming much more direct words than normal. And with no surprise, this was the same for a lot of people. Some people were divinely put in a certain place so that they could reconcile with one another and grow deeper. Others (mostly people I totally didn't expect to see) were placed in a place of intercession and passionate prayer. Some were blessed with compassion, and some were administrative/pastoral, and others were hospitable and in care of the wellbeing of others. And others were told to watch, receive, and learn. I was so impressed with the role everyone took and that's one of the few things the Lord printed on my heart - that despite how "chaotic" everything was, He already painted this picture and what everyone would be doing. God, I'm amazed. Truly amazed.

Dang, He loves us. He loves us so much. He's not satisfied with us being comfortable in our own limited view of Him, but He desires to make Himself real. And it's funny because WE ASK for Him to make Himself known in our lives, our relationships, our issues, and our "walk", yet, we are uneasy when He does show up. No more of the Jesus holding the lamb around His neck, preaching "peace on Earth", or the Jesus with a mug shot portrait looking off into the distant far right. But He's our Rabbi who desires us to be forgiven and restored through getting "deep down and dirty" with us in this place of hopelessness. He IS the good Shepherd, but He also is a very jealous God (good word by the way, whoever spoke it). His jealousy towards our allegiance to the lies of the enemy and worshiped idols stirs Him to turn over tables and drive out the trash we store in our own temple of God that were meant to be a sacred place where the Holy Spirit is free to dwell in order to transform and fill us with passion. I wonder where we settle when we open our doors to darkness (not saying I'm anywhere close to the purity and zeal He wants me to be because I probably am still settled in many areas). I wonder if we realize that by holding onto dark things in our heart, we actually live under oppression and intentionally put back on the chains that were completely shattered. It locks us up from receiving a very real joy that is meant to sustain us and give us strength. I wonder how often I feel weak, tired, and detached from the Lord, and how often this correlates to the junk we have let rot in our hearts.

In the end, we should always look to the fruits that bear from this tree. But I see already that the Lord began a very important healing process for many people, and I have faith that He knew exactly what He was doing, and for what reason. I cant wait to see how His fingerprints turn up in our lives as we step into the ministry He's prepared for us, but also for our own journey in seeking His face and walking in His ways.