| | MY LIFE
Don't have anything much to talk about today. My summer is winding down, and I'm acutely aware of the need to order the rest of my school supplies. Money is tight. Money is actually more than tight. It is the bane of my existence. While I am excited about the year to come, I am aware that I may not be able to homeschool next year. I have decided that if we are as far in debt as we are currently (or further in the red), by fall 2005, I'll send my 2 oldest kids to the elementary school up the street (yes, the public one--yes the "government school"--God forbid). Then I can do some in-home daycare. The babies will be 18mo and 3yr by then, so I could handle one or two more, right?
As the summer winds down, I am also aware of the passage of time. As a child, I remember my parents hanging out with old friends and commenting on how everyone's kids were getting so big and how quickly time had passed. Now, I don't know about you, but when I was 9 yr old, my lazy life lumbered through days and weeks, and a summer was a freaking ETERNITY. But somehow, now I look at things and think, "Where did my 20's go?" Oh, that's where this is going! I turn 30 next month. Well, I'll tell you where the 20's went: pregnancy and childbirth! I play this game where I think, "Wow, just 8 and a half years ago, I wasn' t even married yet." Now I have 4 kids, ranging from 7yr to 6mo. And little Natty! How can she be 6mo already? . . .tho I'm not complaining. 6mo may be the most delicious age in all of babydom. She is a living doll, and her little cellulite bottom and rolly thighs are the cutest things I've ever seen, but I digress. It seems like everything is in hyperspeed, especially when I compare life to the slow-paced, laying on the couch, 1st year with Bananna, the firstborn.
That's a lot of life-change in 8years! What were my responsibilities when I was 21: Well to buy some books (w/ my Dad's $), that I probably wouldn't read that much of, so I could go to my classes (that my Dad payed for), and find out how often I actually needed to show up. You know, I wouldn' t want those 15hrs a week interferring with my leisure time. No wonder I'm always wondering where my leisure time is (if you find it, let me know--actually, I think it lives here at Xanga now).
I am a different person than I was then. I think for the better. I feel like marriage and kids have taught me about 20years worth of stuff (about responsibility and discipline) in 8years. Don't get me wrong, the growth has been painful, AND don't misunderstand, I'm still quite a slacker for a mom of 4. Yep, PB&J for dinner AGAIN (you don't think I'm cooking while Dad's at work, do you?). But it has taken me years to embrace responsibility; I am by nature a procrastinator and responsibility-avoider. But I guess I see the rewards or fruits of this labor, when I look at my kids. And while I have hard days and weeks and even moments of, "This CAN'T be my life!" It's mine, and it's a good life. |
