Monday, August 13, 2007

• Teenage drama

  Today while riding the jeep, thoughts kept running through my head. I'm not happy, and at the same time I kept thinking why? I often have indulge myself of melancholy and sadness, and thought it was a good thing, that it was like a sort of indulgence. And because I think myself of an artist, I liked emotional indulgence. But to think about it, as my mother has inculcated to me, that that is emotion and personality weakness. I hate that my mother's right (have to thank her one day).

  This summer I had formed my philosophy of happiness, that we are the only ones responsible for our happiness. I just cant believe that I have forgotten all those beliefs. I realized in that jeep that I was the one responsible for hindering happiness, and I held myself back with insecurities, doubts and the constant negative perception of people. So as I realized this, I said to myself: this is the day I change; I just have to put myself out there and screw what comes next. I guess in a sort of way, I thought too much about what might happen and premeditated  too much shit. So I just did, I decided to be happy. Its weird actually, cause after thet moment of decision, evreything just started falling like landslide (in a good way). I felt so unihibited and so... happy! Its like an unfading euphoria, true and uncaring of what's next. I literally laughed more than my face is relaxed, and words just flows out, smiles eternal. And the weird thing is, I got interested in people more, and I listened more. That happens so rarely as the school started. Plus, I didnt care anymore of my own "talk time", but if ever I had to put something out there, it just comes out naturally. Of course there were some moments of judgement and selfish anti-social tendencies in my head from time to time, but i just say to myself: "remember, your happy today." 

  So quite literally, happiness is just decided. We are the puppetmasters of our happiness. Its funny that happiness today was just like a on button. Its fun to be happy.

  • 3:41 AM
  • 0 eprops
  • 0 comments