Thursday, October 25, 2007

• Deluding myself

  People are just naturally delusional. In my observation, a lot of people think so highly of themselves especially when time permits some bit of compliment, which actually could be untrue remarks with hidden hopes of acceptance. Of ocurse Im not talking about the naturally talented, but really more of the more mediocre crowd. It really irritating to hear those people subtly proclaim their delusion through words or acts. Example of those people are those whose voice sucks yet thinks highly of themseleves enough to expect a career in the music industry, or those who misinterpret kindness with flirtation. Still, for me, It is embarassing to admit, that even of my despise of delusionals, I am delusional myself.

  It is something I lately discovered and still trying hard to remove from my system.I dont want to elaborate my delusions, because it will be too embarassing for my part. I guess one particular delusion Im not too embarassed to share is my self-centeredness. Quite stupid when I think of it, and sometimes Iask myself "what the hell were you thinking?", and yet it is only now that I learned I had this particular delusion. I guess I havent grown out of the idea that I am in the center of the universe, or that my ideas or creativity are way beyond society's own definition of creativity. Like for example in my artisitic endeavours in school competetion. I always have the over confidence that I will win 1st or at least something near to that, but I only place fourth or third. And only now I am in the process of discovering that there really are people way way better than me. Also, I am in the process of using my reason of uniqueness as an excuse for greatness and evasion from comparison of greatness to others' craft.

  I guess not everyone really is jealous of my craft (I always get mixed opinions of what I do), and maybe those criticisms are really accurate. I surely hope not. I am still in acceptance of my own mediocrity.

  • 8:43 AM
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