Wednesday, April 02, 2008

• F-ing report cards and f-ing documents your life relies on

  So with pride and confidence that I will manage my documents by myself, I went to Ateneo. I had that feeling of independence seeing that I was the only one without a parent or somekind of companion to accpomany the process of confirmation to Ateneo. I thought to myself, this is it! Goodbye to stupid decisions and naivety, and hello to the independence entailing the college life. I was wrong. That every second of confirmation process is going to lead into admission stupidity.

  You see, we decided that we will confirm for Ateneo while I am still pending for UP Manila, where I got a "Degree Program with Available Slot," indicating either that my UPG or UPCAT average, whatever they call it, is insufficient for my course choice, or that I was denied admission for that course because of full slots. Either of the two I do not know, but knowing it would be pointless. So I got into UPM without a course and I can only inquire for the alternative course on April 7 2008. So I was happy that i got a safety net on and that decision bought me more time to decide where I would finally go. After confirming my slot (a sort of intent for enrolment), I still nurtured the complicated crossroad of where I would finally go, and even consulted several online forums that held numerous debates from Ateneans and UPians alike on whose school is better. Being the smart people they all were, most of them have a very good point, and have helped me a lot in my contemplation (except for the others who would butt in "Silliman university is still the best!" or "Ateneo and UP sucks, go AMA!" which is apparent that they are way out of tehir league). I liked the ones that said that both schools are great, but in depends on what we prefer: UP's impartment (if there is such a word) of independence or Ateneo's careful educational pampering. I thought before that I was for Ateneo's "ideal," "classy" environment, but through the seminars and the registration, I feel like I dont belong, where I told myself that I may compromise my true self in this campus. Heck, I am not an english speaker nor am I a great competetion when it comes to material flaunting or indulgence. I thought that was me, but now something doesnt feel right. So I now consider UP, and actually is quite leading in the race of my college decision. This is where I know I dont have to put up this "pasosyal" or "konyo" persona, where I could be myself, and that certain essence of independence UP is known of might do me some good. Another thing is the two campuses' tuition fee differs uber greatly. In UP, per sem is like 20000 and in Ateneo, tuition is like 60000+. San ka pa? UP then, i concluded would be a great gift for my parents, and I could indulge myself a bit more for that. Of course there are insecurities of wether I am not smart enough or something, or if I could ride the waves of the people's acedmic excellence.

  

  this one? or that one? this tends to fuck my brains out

  So anyway, I'll go back to my safety net process through confirming in Ateneo while awaiting UPM decision for my course. After confrimation I inquired in school if I could order more copies of my report card, which I unfortunately found out was not allowed, and that once I passed the card to a university, then I no longer can further my intent for other schools. Fuck! So I thought it was goodbye UPM for me, goodbye indulgence through big savings! I told my mom, and surpirsingly she did not get mad. She told me that we will wait for April 7 (UPM's course inquiry period, and we will cross the bridge when we get there. Navigated the net for similar incidence, and I am quite relieved that I am not alone. This has happened before, adn they were actually successful. Thank GOD! But this only affrims that I still not free from these clutches of stupidity & naivety from this painstakingly dreadful minscule yet very impactful details of my life.

  And when I think about it, there were no documents in Ateneo (unlike La salle) that I signed regarding that I cannot withdraw my report card anymore, and it would be just downright evil for them to selfishly keep my card in their school. If ever though they would not return that piece of paper, my Ateneo experience would just be totally spiteful! Imagine, I am held against my will just because of a piece of paper with a bunch of numbers in them. Tragic and ironic.

  I have to go to UPM!

  • 4:44 AM
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