Okokok..this is gonna be a 'feelings' entry..oh boy..sorry guys but i just really need to get this out of my system..And i'm debating whether i should write all this or not..but its 2 am, and i can't sleep a wink. It's late at night when my mind really wanders.And im pretty sure everyone who reads this isnt going to blab this to 'him' and i dont think he's ever read my xanga before, so im pretty sure im safe. So i can be really stupid sometimes..like tonight. I was just thinking about random things..and i guess i just started thinking about 'him'..and all the really good times we had.and i thought back to awhile ago when we broke up..and i was just so stupid and immature. I remember thinking that night that i wished that we had never had a relationship together and that i wish i would've never met him that 7th grade year.And i look back on that now..and i was so wrong. So i was just thinking about all the times we had..good and bad, and i'm so thankful for them. And i've decided that it's soo much better to have had all those times with him, and be really hurt now, then to have never have had those times and be fine right now..And i've heard that a million times, "better is to love and be hurt, then never to have loved at all" right? but i guess you never really think about it, or apply it untill it happens to you personally..seriously. And i drive myself crazy thinking about it..the whole thing. I think about what we had and what went wrong soo much to the point to where it makes me sick. And im soo tired of it. But i can't help it, I truly, honestly thought he was the one..yea i know we were just freshman, but it was soo different than any other realationship i'd ever been in..and i guess him leaving me just messed me up inside. And i feel like i don't have anything left for anyone else...except for him. I just don't know what to think anymore. And i  realize its been awhile since this all happened..i guess im just still stuck on it.arrghh. and im soo glad for all the friends that have "tried" to help me get over it..haha. you guys are the best. But i just don't see that happening right now..and im ok with that, i have to be...Keeping my head up. SO..that is what was on the mind of allison sarah ruegg as of 2:30 am.And i really don't know if i should've said all that..but whats been said is said. 'night all.

|waiting patiently|  as long as it takes. 

'for what it's worth, it was worth all the while.'

oh changed my song..got tired of the old one..check it out.