New place for my photo's? http://www.flickr.com/photos/bonnieb/
Thinking about some of the comments made about funerals. There are a lot of people I care about that I don't visit, some I see only on Sunday, some I only have phone conversations with now. Some live far away and get a year end mail.
I never said funerals brought 'closure', that is a word bandied about too easily. I use the word finality. Don't quite know how to describe it.
I just know that by not being able to say a final goodbye, and offering condolences I will not feel right. That is why I say funerals aren't for those gone on but those left behind. Selfish? Perhaps. More of a cultural thing? Perhaps. But I feel by not allowing someone who cares even in a small way the opportunity to come to your funeral that perhaps you are the one being selfish.
Not everyone can visit you every day of your life. I made many friends while doing child advocacy work. I'm sure some may wonder what ever happened to me, a newspaper announcement would tell them. Some perps if they ever remembered me at all would be jumping with glee I'm sure, them I could care less about.
We have two children who I'm sure would want a funeral, even a small one. Then again I may be wrong. Maybe my death would not bring them any grief, maybe they could care less if I live or die. One of them acts like that now. So perhaps I am being grandiose to consider anyone would give a hoot I am dead. Aside from my husband, my sisters, my brother that is.
Our funerals are paid for, some notes have been left behind for that day. Our estate will some day have to be settled and so we can't just kick off and act like no one needs to know we are gone.
Save our money for what? To leave it to heirs or squirrel it away for a nursing home to devour? No we paid for everything now and haven't noticed that it matters what we spent.
Plant a tree? OK you can do that, I've paid for plenty of tree's and shrubs and if you choose such a chairty they will cut down enough trees asking for more donations like the cancer group did to me. Yes I believe in living memorials, but consider planting a tree so in years to come it either gets bulldozed or rots away? I'm quite sure all the tree's in memory at previous church not a soul knows who they are in memory of by now.
That's fine, but I want a funeral and if no one wants to come that's OK too. If they want to stare and make comments so be it. If they want to cry go ahead, if they want to take a minute to share with my loved ones something that either touched them and lifted their spirit or made them laugh, they will be able too. At least I will have let the choice be theirs, not mine.
I'm sure there are plenty of people with no survivors or no friends who are shoveled into their grave alone. That is sad. Pauper's funerals make me want to cry for someone who died unknown or alone.
Yes I know our eternity is what matters and we best be prepared for it. That doesn't mean I don't care about those left behind. | 
