Here, is a lighter load for you.

The National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged they had, covertly, funded a project with U.S. auto makers for the past 5 years. The auto makers were installing black box voice recorders in four-wheel drive pickup trucks and SUVs in an effort to determine the circumstances of fatal accidents in the last 15 seconds before the crash. They were surprised to find in most of the 50 states the recorded last words of drivers in 61.2 percent of fatal crashes were, "Oh Sh*t!"

Only the states of Oklahoma, North Carolina, Georgia, West Virginia, Tennessee, Missouri, Arkansas, Alabama, and Texas were different, where 89.3 percent of the final words were: "Hold my beer. I'm gonna try somethin."

Or:

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.

Life is sexually transmitted.

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Cloudy and rainy here and I can't get into the MSN group again because MSN

someone made this. sums it up. Getting it up is another story.