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Wednesday, May 14, 2008
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Currently Listening
Every Second Counts
By Plain White T's
see relatedDon't Speak Liar...
"I'm so sick,
Infected with where I live
Let me live without this
Empty bliss,
Selfishness
I'm so sick
I'm so sick"
Sorry for not updating sooner. Life has been pretty much at it's shittiest.
Right now, the only thing that seems real and that matters, is this. You guys support me no matter what, and I can't get that anywhere else. No one can see through my mask, and see how I really feel. My mom is always on my back, I am weighed down with work, and I can't seem to have fun anymore. But I plan to dance like a retard on Saturday. No one should be home, and I need to wind down.
Everyone just expects so much out of me, and the more they expect, the less I can give. No one knows what to say to me anymore to get me to the surface. I feel like I am drowning and I can't be saved. I am being drowned with drama, and stress. I really need to reach the surface...
I promise to update more soon. Possibly on Saturday. I love all you guys with all my heart and can't thank you enough for your support.

Saturday, May 10, 2008
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Currently Listening
One X
By Three Days Grace
Let It Die
see relatedSay what you need to say....
"Have no fear
For giving in
Have no fear
For getting over
You better know that in the end
It's better to say too much
Then never to say what you need to say again
Even if your hands are shaking
And your faith is broken
Even as the eyes are closing
Do it with a heart wide open"
I don't have any more energy to deal with my shitty life. I have final exams coming up soon, guy problems (as always,) body problems (obviously) and bitchy friend problems. It is just too much! I can't handle it. I did tell one of my closest friends about how I felt about myself though. She said the same exact thing everybody always says, then when I said I hated that people said the exact same things to me all the time, she couldn't think of anything to say. At first, it felt like a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders, then I felt exactly the same, because nothing had changed. So she knew! Big deal! It didn't help to say anything at all. I don't have the energy to deal with anything anymore. Everything is just way too difficult.

<That's how I feel all the time. She is gorgeous>

<Exactly.>
Saturday, May 03, 2008
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Currently Listening
We the Kings
By We the Kings
see relatedScream It Like You Mean It...
"Run baby, run. Don't ever look back. They'll tear us apart, if you give them the chance."
"We are only here for one more night. Scream it like you mean it. One more time. We’ll tear down the building. Sing along. Stay young"
I wish I could be myself. I keep what I want to be inside, so no one will get mad at me for "betraying" them. Plus, my mom doesn't like the kind of person I might want to be, and that hurts.
I know I have had this problem before, but I really want it. I want so badly to be myself.
*Scene is what I wanna be.*


(Why can't I be that adorable?) <3

Saturday, April 26, 2008
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Currently Listening
Stupid Girls
By Pink
see relatedSick of the lies....
I don't know what to do. I repulse myself and I am scared to fast. I really want to tell my other friends what is going on with me, but what if they don't support me. They will just say the exact same thing they always do to make me feel better.... "You are really pretty and you're not fat!" I am sick of the lies. I just want them to tell me the truth. I never know what to believe now. I just want the truth....
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
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Currently Reading
Queste (Septimus Heap, Book 4)
By Angie Sage
see relatedHmm....
I think I might go on a liquid fast soon. I have never fasted before, and I just want to do it to see how strong I am and how much I can control myself. If any of you want to join, you are welcome to. Hope you guys support me! I will fill you in on my final decision, and what day I decide (if I do it) to do it. Thanks guys! Love ya! <3
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