Monday, April 28, 2008

• *sigh* life can get so hectic when you have a baby. I havent been here for a day or two cause i have been running around trying to find a bassinet cause Caleb wont sleep in his cot at night...only durng the day. Hell if i know why,lol.

  FOOD INTAKE YESTERDAY

  Bowl of crunchy clusters

  Optifast mousse

  Small portion of potato bake ( damn it!!!)

  FOOD INTAKE TODAY ( as of 12 pm)

  Bowl of Nutrigrain ( not the best choice, as at least the crunchy clusters has some fibre and roughage (sp?) in it,lol)

  optifast mousse

  sausage

  Just to clarify aswell...i had a problem with anorexia in the past...and am still struggling to not fall back into that pit hole called hell. But i consider myself "recovered" ( if there is such thing) at this moment...which is why i am making a concious effort to not go and find out the cals in every food that i eat, am still eating "bad " foods and all round just trying not to obsess about it too much...i am trying to diet, not get consumed with ana. I get scared that i will fall back into that pit again...just the other da i had this feeling that i havent felt in a while. The feeling that sucked me in in the first place...you know, that buzz you get when you havent eaten, its like you can feel it all thru your body. Almost like its entered my blood and i was  living on a high. I hadnt eaten all day, and it kinda scared me, because i have a baby now and cant let myself become trapped in that mess. But oh how nice it felt....i remember when it felt so good to stand up and get dizzy...to have a natural high...but i also remember the insomnia, the days i would wake up and just want to throw up, but there was nothing there to throw up. the time i fainted in the gym, but got back up and kept riding that bike....with everyone's eyes on me, knowing i was struggling with an ED. ANYWAY....

  i lost 1 kg the past week.. i turn 21 in 5 weeks, so i want to lose 5 kgs more. I think that is a safe weight to lose if i diet and excersise...i am trying to ut up a weight ticker on my site...but i cant find where to paste the code...any help?

  bye for now

  • 11:52 PM
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