Thursday, August 02, 2007

• Internet Island Post 27

  I thought I had some brilliant things to say yesterday, but they've all run away from me.  So I'll give you this guy to mull over for a bit. 
  
  I had my last counseling session of the summer yesterday.  This was in conjunction with my summer Stage, Song, and Self class.  Lee, as usual, helped lift my spirits, confidence, and self-esteem.  I'm always wary of over-inflating my ego, but I think I'm at a good balance right now.  We started talking about synchronicity and coincidence, and she suggested I blog about it.  I sort of giggled because there are so many wonderful people here who have blogged about it before and helped me form my idea of what it all means... or at least how it's all connected.  I think I was going to address an Internet Island topic, maybe?  *opens new window and looks at what's going on over there*
  

  27.1: Do you get excited about being the "first in line"? Do you anticipate anything in popular culture with baited breath? Did you get an i-phone? Were you posting the movie trailers for the Harry Potter film or waxing poetic about the last book in the series on your blog?

  The truthful answer for me is Yes and No.  Yes, I got excited for Harry Potter, and I think I went to see one of the Lord of the Rings or Star Wars movies on opening weekend, but for the most part, these flights of anticipatory ecstasy are fueled by friends or family who are gaga over a specific cultural phenomenon.  If I lived in a world devoid of media and people (how tragic!), I would probably take things at a slower pace.  Seeing the movies early is fun because you get to see all the other people who dress up.  The hardcore fans are more interesting to watch with, too.  They really get into the community of the thing.  People clapped and cheered as the Weasley twins left Hogwarts with a bang and I swear I heard a few people growl at Umbridge's complete unfairness and evil.  And of course, with all the hype about the seventh book, how could I *not* read it as quickly as I could?  I still haven't seen any blatant spoilers that weren't forewarned, but who knows who I could run into in my everyday life who would blurt out big plot twists or the names of who Rowling killed (God rest their fictional souls).  On the other hand, I don't want an iPhone until it's cheaper and all the kinks have been worked out.  I want a Prius or some other hybrid car, but I'm going to run mine into the ground first and wait for the news on how long their batteries actually last.  I like to learn about all the new stuff, pay attention a little bit to the hype, but I refuse to jump into too many things too hastily.  It's not my style
  

  27.3: Last time out, I asked about routines. Do you ever look forward to breaking the "routine" in significant ways?

  Routine is another one of those Janus-y things that my counselor and I have talked a lot about.  Moderation in everything, right?  It's easier for me to do things by routine - planning out my hair-washing schedule or what I'm going to eat or where I'll hang out on a given evening or weekend.  In ever plan, though - at least *my* plans - there has to be room for spontaneity.  Travelerblue is often talking on her 'blog about how she'll plan one thing and other things come up instead.  Rolling with the punches, being flexible, after some kind of basic structure.  In my marriage, I tend to be the structured one.  I usually make the plans, check the ticket schedules, and coordinate directions.  Steve is sometimes scared when I don't have directions written down and trust my instincts and memory enough to wing it.  So, the short answer here is - balance.
  

  27.4: We all have feelings of dread. This is the opposite of anticipating an event. Our stomachs growl. Our faces wince. We can't get out of something, and the feeling of dread takes over. Are you dreading some event right now, or have you ever dreaded an event or circumstance?

  Ooh, a theme!  My dread is almost always mixed with excitement.  I dread all the challenges of meeting new people at a new job.  At the same time, I'm excited about new friendships and new responsibilities.  I could diagnose myself with mild social anxiety disorder.  Even among friends, I'll often dread making a trip to see someone.  I know that once I'm there I'll love it, but the effort it takes to be so energetic is formidable to consider.  Lately, I think I've subdued my dread a little.  I'll still have a little panic in me when I'm going to a meeting, and my mind will come up with a dozen excuses or ways to get out of it, but increasingly I know that once I make the plunge, things will almost always turn out better than I expected, and often more rewarding than I could have hoped.  Lesson here:  jump into things, at least once in a while.  For me, facing my panic on small scales is immensely helpful and tends to turn out well. 
  

  27.6: We're on a blogging service, and we all write blogs to some extent. What do you feel when it comes time to write your daily, semi-weekly, weekly, or otherwise regular blog column.? Anticipation? Or Dread? And Why?

  At this point I feel pretty balanced about my blogging.  I had an old starter blog a few years ago that I invested too much emotional energy into.  I was expecting too much or a different kind of feedback and let it get carried away.  Boureemusique is something I can't foresee giving up.  I feel a little bit of happy anticipation when I sit down to put words on the screen.  There is very little dread, except possibly when I'm dealing with something controversial.  Then it's a matter of clearly expressing what it is I think and feel.  I don't worry as much as I used to about stepping on people's toes.  I tend to include all the loopholes and caveats to keep me safe: this is what *I* believe, but unless you stomp on babies, I'm likely to at least respect your opinion and am willing to listen to it.  I LOVE the community here, all of my friends, people I subscribe to, and people who randomly read me.  I love getting feedback and being able to speak my mind, seriously philosophically or just for fun, in the comment boxes of friends.  Blogging is not a *chore* for me, but it is something I feel compelled to do.  It's almost like a responsibility, but it's one I created for myself.  I didn't think much about blogging during my weekend in Chicago, though I did have fleeting thoughts about specific friends of mine and what they might recommend or think about a piece of art or spice or something.  When I came back, I took several more days off from blogging because I had to prepare myself for daily writing again.  Mostly, though, I just like to go with the flow.  Some days I feel I could write five or six individual post-tirades.  Other days, I have nothing to say and just like to poke my head in where you are, read what you've written, and write something punny or pithy.  I've come to a good balance between proper "blogging etiquette" and common personal sense.  And, obviously, I don't mind talking about myself or my thought processes too much anymore   Every time one of you writes about how I bring you into a scene or describe a food or setting really well, I am elated that I have fulfilled my purpose.  I write for me, but I also write in a way that I hope is interesting and evocative for you.  Balance!
  

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