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So, today at 1:30pm, I'm going to walk into my new store, meet my new manager and start over again with a whole new staff. I was lucky three years ago when I came to the store I just left... they were (almost) the perfect crew to work with. They made me feel at home when I had just begun to set up my new life here.
I worked my last shift with my two best friends at work. I did the same when I left Sudbury three years ago, but I never talked to those people again, although we were close. I'm not letting that happen this time. One of my best friends came from my first year at my (now) old store, and there are others I don't want to lose touch with... especially those two, and my little Sam (Bryson, Book 2).
I have a fear of walking into places where I will be judged on my first impression. I never admit this. I've avoided going places and meeting people places because (although I love attention) I hate when people I don't know are looking at me. It makes me feel judged and, I'll admit, paranoid. I'm really good at the outer cocky attitude mixed with rock solid confidence, but hell, I've stood outside of places for up to an hour before just turning around and going home, just because I can't walk through the door. The worst is when I either don't know anyone inside of a place, or when I'm meeting only one person and I know they're with a group. I hate even the thought of that many people looking at me when I have no clue who the hell they are (that's why I never showed up at the bar that night).
Maybe I smoked (inhaled) too much. But this stems from much early than thsoe days of 4:20, so I know it's much deeper than that.
So you see why tomorrow will be hard. Maybe as hard as actually posting this. Don't blink because this will most likely disappear before I go to bed. This completely solidifies the fear I have by even admitting it. So if you read this... you may be the only person I have ever admitted this to, and at 1:30pm tomorrow, I'll pause, ever so slightly before I walk through the doors of my new store and begin all over again...
 A Whole New World...
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| | Posted 5/1/2006 1:00 PM - 1 view
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