I talk to God about romance sometimes.  Okay, more than sometimes.  In fact, even though I know God doesn't get annoyed with his creation talking to him I somehow picture God giving me a, "here we go again," look whenever I bring up the subject of romance.  He sort of hunches over in his throne and puts his elbows on his knees and plops his face in the cradle of his hands and listens to me blabber on and on about what I want from my wife.

"Now, I must emphasize this Jesus...this is important," I say.  "Number 37 on my list of things I need from a wife is that she must be a proficient fly tier.  Not only will she fly fish avidly like we talked about in numbers 2 through 5 but she will also tie her own flies.  You know the number of hairs on my head so i know you are into details like this.  So if you could make it happen that would be great.  On to number 38, concerning views on social security reform..."

I'm joking of course but I have been having some serious talks with The Riz concerning the future Mrs. Judd.  Honestly, until this past year my thoughts on marriage have been pretty short-sighted.  You know, the whole, "better to marry than to burn," mentality.  One might say I was "feeling the singes" metaphorically speaking.  So this mindset lead me to look at finding a wife like scratching an itch instead of finding a beautiful bride whose heart I capture and win with honor.

But Jesus has been speaking to me about who she will be and who I need to be win her heart.  Really, it comes down to two words- honor and charm.  Since I was a little guy wearing yellow and blue striped socks (see picture) people have told me I had charm.  That always seemed like a cool compliment.  Charm, it seemed to me, was a skill that could come in handy in a tight spot.  So I developed it.  I wanted to be prince Charming because the chicks were always falling for him. 

What I seemed to leave out of this whole equation was a scriptural view of charm.  In particular, Proverbs 31:30 seems to speak pretty candidly of it: "Charm is deceptive..."  (Ironically, this passage is talking about what a righteous babe looks like).  Charm is manipulation gone wild.  Charm is a cop-out; the lazy cousin of true love. 

I used charm all the time.  I could charm my teachers into letting me off without consequences when I didn't do my homework on time which produced a habit of not being prepared.  I could charm girls into thinking I liked them so they would fulfill my selfish, and often lustful desires.  I even thought I was charming God for a while because I was manipulating myself into thinking that I was singing enough songs to him to make up for all the sinning I was doing.  I was deceiving myself.  Charm became my main coping mechanism for life's problems.

Jesus spoke to me as clearly as I've heard him speak concerning this issue.  While thinking about how in the world I am going to win the heart of the girl of my dreams, God spoke.  He said, "she won't be won with charm.  She will be won with honor."

Honor?  This is a word that is clumsy in my vocabulary.  It is contrasted greatly with charm in that charm is a tool to get what I want and honor is unselfish and giving.  This word has been changing how I interact with everyone.  First, I want to honor God and give my life for him because I need him more than anything else.  Second, to honor those in spiritual leadership over me so there is a foundation of trust in our relationship.  Third, to honor my parents and reflect the love they have shown me.  The list could go on and on but it basically comes down to love.  Honor is a dimension of love that I never considered prior to a couple weeks ago.

So what will it look like to win a womans heart with honor?  I think it will consist of honoring her parents and asking her father for permission to pursue a romantic relationship with his daughter.  Also, to make a commitment to him that I won't introduce the physical dimension of the relationship until she wears a ring.  To honor her will be to speak life to the dreams that God has given her and affirm her identity as a child of God.  I will honor her with honesty about my life and struggles.  I will honor her by praying for her.

I guess the reason I share this is to call you men and women of God to honor.  God's image is most clearly seen in unified marriages and a unified church.  Both are in desperate need of purification.  Our world needs to see Jesus more than ever and I think it begins with us honoring God and others.  By God's grace we can affect that change.