BAD NEWS PATROLso hey im gonna tell you about how this past week and a half has been the shittest my life has ever seen. im sorry, i got bad news. wednesday was bad. well all my wednesdays are bad cause i start out by waking up at 730 and getting to work then coming straight home to go straight to food distro to go straight to school. i dont get to stop running untill 830. i know people do that on a regular basis but its lame and my body hasnt adjusted yet. but uh i dont know if you met mary, dallas wife. sweet sweet women. she was taking a blood pressure med that totally fucked her body and her mind. it made her weak and very loopy totally doped up. and she was getting bad. i came home from work and found her kneeling on the ground and she couldnt get up so i tried to help but couldnt and had to get ashley to help me. so that was worry some. she did something to her ankles during that and went to the hospitol the next day. she came home friday at 4 in the morning. she had to use a walker and was very weak. oh yeah she didnt break or fracture her ankles or anything. she was just really weak i guess. that night she collapsed at one point while using the walker. the next morning ashley or logan found her on the porch floor having trouble breathing. dallas called 911 and got cpr instructions over the phone. (which i hate, by the way, cause i know cpr. i wish i was awake!) she got taken by the ambulence at 730 sat morning and dallas came home at around 11 and told me she died. mary passed away. its been very hard for me. dallas seems ok. hes a tough guy and seems to be taking it better than most people in the situation of having their young 46 year old wife die. whats horrible is that when she was in the hospitol thursday they were monitoring her blood pressure every hour and it was pretty low. and instead of getting her a hospitol bed they let her leave for home from the er. i hate them for that so much it hurts. they should never have let some one with such low blood pressure leave the hospitol. not to mention someone gewtting their body fucked by blood pressure meds with low blood pressure. i cant help but wonder what wouldve happened differently if they kept her to monitor her blood pressure. maybe none of this wouldve happened. god i love and miss her so fucking much and it doesnt get any better.. i found out tuesday night at midnight that mikhael has been in the hospitol since sunday. he got a spider bite or something. i saw it on saturday night it looked like a small little purple bug bite on a red swollen foot. i lined up people to take care of d'mitri and food distro and went straight to the hospitol after work. i balled at the site of him in a hospitol bed. in a hospitol gown. i satyed there untill i had to leave for school to take a mid term test and came straight back afterwards. i stayed there all night against the nurses orders and slept in the bed with him also against nurses orders. he was supposed to have surgery at midnight. that didnt happen of course. he was in the trama ward so anyone in a more traumatic state went first. i came back on after work the next day and he got taken at 440 to go into surgery. of course i balled again to see them wheeling him off. they said 2 hours and i knew it was going to take longer so i came back at 730. i got lost in the hospitol and looked everywhere he was suppsoed to be for him but no dice and he wasnt back in his room. i waited in his room. eventually i laid down some clean hospitol gowns in the space where his bed was and tried to sleep. do you know how hard it is to sleep on the ground of a hospitol room when you think every sound is him coming back? he didnt come back till like 930 or whatever. whcih of course i balled again. i know its not tru but i feel like ive cried more in this past week and a half than i have my whole life. i tried staying there again that night but the nurses where shittier about it. i had to go get a security pass and finally decided to go sleep in the lobby. i walk that way with a pillow and blanket in hand and the bitch ass suprivisor nurse says i cant have those. i wish i threw them at her. i go to the lobby and get a blanket off a bed that was sitting in the hallway and like five minutes later, "excuse me, if you dont mind..." you cant have the blanket. and i pull it off me and let it fall to the ground. again, i wish i threw it at the ground. eventually i cried myself to sleep. i had an alarm set to check on mikhael, when they were supposed to look at his foot. but of course they werent going to do it then after all and it wouldnt be untill 7. i took off at 430 to try to get some real rest in my bed. i had felt like shit since monday because of mary and then continued to feel like shit through out my week because of mary and mikhael. it didnt help matters that he was in the hospitol that mary died in or that he hates hospitols maybe even more than mary did. ive felt like a very weak emotionally drained zombie all week. trying not to ball my eyes out at work. i called him today to see if they looked at his foot at 7 like they said. of course not. they did it at 12. hes just got home and out of the hospitol so im happy about that. but im also very scared about him not being there being monitored. he doesnt have health insurance. itll probably be at least 30,000$ out of pocket. my dad and granny has been in that same hospitol every now and then growing up but ive been in that hospitol more times since july than i have ever been. i hate that. this whole past month and a half has been really shitty, breaking up with mikhael, starting work, my body not being ready for work and making me get sick, my being sick turn into a horrible cough, mary being really sick, mary dieing, mikhael going into the hospitol. oh, i dont think i explained everything that happeened to mikhael. his bug bite turned into a bacterial infection cause he was still going to work limpng around. it turned into flesh eating bacteria. they said if it took him any longer to get to the hospitol they would have cut it off. i saw it, it was fine, but when he went in his leg was purple with big purple veins up to his knee. his dead pus pockety flesh on his foot was about 3 inches long and an inch and a half wide at its thickest part. i love mikhael and i cant help but get close to him again after everything. i just hope the shitty ness stops. i hope so so much i want to just ball my eyes out more. | 
