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| Debete and DiscussionI recently read some commentary on the aftermath/lessons of the Duke lacrosse case, including an article which referred to the "Feminist Klan" and continuously referred to "radical feminism" as the reason why all the regrettable incidents took place (the article also blamed "the klannish cult of radical feminism" that creates "neo-paternalistic hate" and this directly allowed the Virginia Tech murders to occur). To the author of this article, feminists are responsible for most of societies' ills, including destruction of marriage, impoverishing women, and criminalizing men. He spends a lot of time in the article arguing with rape statistics (which is quite a controversial topic and no doubt should be addressed) and suggesting that sexual assault awareness events like Take Back the Night are full of "nuts on soapboxes ranting the unimaginable." The worst part about this article to me, though, is that the author is a senior policy advisor for a private organization. This isn't his private opinion, published on a personal blog; this is public, expressed as an employee.
Although I disagree with him about the feminist agenda and the culture this creates, what bothers me fundamentally is not that; it is the venom and ad hominem attacks he uses. Using the term "Feminist Klan," among others, and using one incident to argue that the majority of rape accusations are manufactured and that the feminist agenda (according to his article, as best as I can make out, the feminist agenda is to create a culture of hate and blame, particularly towards men). The irony in the article would be delicious if the undercurrent wasn't disturbing; not only does he propagate the same logic he claims feminists use (his argument is that feminists claim all men are evil, rapists lying in wait, while he claims that all feminists are divisive, hate men, and want to propate the culture of hate), but the leaps in logic are immense (the Duke rape case proves that radical feminist are running our universities and schools). I would be the first to admit that I am a far cry from the most radical of feminists (in responses to readers, he quotes Marilyn French, Germaine Greer, and Catherine MacKinnon, among others, and as I am happily married, I certainly don't believe that marriage is a prison, that all sex is violence, or anything of that sort), but the problem is, very few women who call themselves feminists would consider those women representative of the "average" feminist. But the author doesn't make those distinctions, and unfortunately, neither do his readers, many of whom seem to vehemently disagree but offer nothing more than name calling and anecdotal evidence. The anger and name calling directed toward the author match the tone of the piece, but regardless, the discussion is far from edifying. There are a few comments that steer clear of those tactics, but it is disheartening to see the debate break down so evidently. Of course, this is not new; I have been noticing this trend and is a reason I rarely read commentary online anymore on any issues of social or political consequence. Even when the tone of the original article may be interesting or helpful, the comments often descend into nasty bickering. The one redeeming feature to this article is the editor's post, which states that, "This article makes me uncomfortable. I don't like the tone. But it raises some points which, even if you don't agree with them, are worth thinking about." And the editor is right; for example, the author's questioning of rape statistics is valuable, because rarely are those statistics questioned. But there is a way to do this without name-calling and anger (for example, Christina Hoff Somers manages to do this quite nicely in her book Who Stole Feminism?), and that's what has been lost.
I don't mean to pick on this one article (because I could certainly find examples from the other side of the political spectrum), but this article to me is symbolic of what much public discussion has become. It's sad that we have become a culture that no longer knows how to healthily disagree--we have inflammatory rhetoric that galvanizes the faithful, angers the opposition, and divides and jades the middle on the one side, and on the opposite end, bland and vague rhetoric that sounds good but could mean ten different things, ensuring only the most disagreeable will dissent. Instead, what we need to do is create an environment where constructive, healthy disagreement can flourish. We need to understand that our opinions can differ--but that doesn't mean we can't be friends (or friendly, at the least), that doesn't mean we have to be silent about issues that matter to us (whether we agree or not), or that there is only one answer/solution that reasonable people agree upon (in other words, we need to cut out that idea that simply because people disagree with what I think is right, that means they are unreasonable). That is simply not true; issues are not just controversial because people use provocative speech, but because well-meaning and sensible people have different opinions. The sooner we recongize this, the better not only for each of us as individuals, but the better for the collective whole.
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| I know, that was a really short post that said nothing about my life...and yet, everything, sort of. My life really is unraveling...although not in the old-lover sort of way, more in the everything-is-being-finished sort of way. All of our memberships and services are canceled now. Our furniture is all sold or given away. Most of our remaining possessions are sitting in my parents' hall and garage, waiting to be deposited in their attic. We're realizing now that our weekends are booked until we leave (and have been this way for months)...not because we're super-special or popular, but because there is so much to do before we go. I have all these tasks on my "to-do" list: people to see, restaurants to eat at, my college scrapbook to finish, presents to buy, parties to throw, birthdays to celebrate, Mexican food to eat, places to go "that one last time"...and somehow the "to do" list isn't cutting it. I have so much to do, and what I really want to is to make it last as long as possible (while somehow cutting short the time spent actually working). I keep waiting for that moment when everything becomes "real" because everyone keeps saying, "wow, two years, that's a long time," and I agree, because, well, two years IS a long time, and I think I should be feeling something...fear, excitement, anticipation, anything, really. And all I feel is that I have so much to do and so little time. I feel as though I'm unraveling, and everything is being stripped away, and things are changing beyond, really, my comprehension, and I don't get it. I feel like everyday is just another day, until things change, and we leave, and everyone else around me can sense how big a change this really is, and I, after 14 months in the process, and 4 1/2 years thinking about the Peace Corps, can't somehow grasp how I am about to change and lose and gain.
I told my boss yesterday (or my boss, and his boss, and his boss's boss, actually), and my boss thinks I'm crazy, I know. The president of the company asked me why the Peace Corps, and I started to explain, and after the first 10 seconds, he interrupted me and said, "Oh. I didn't really want to know the whole thing, I just wanted to know if it was about the money." While this decision doesn't make monetary sense at all (the main reason my direct boss thinks I'm crazy), his question jerked me back to the reality of the business I work for, and how it thinks and works.
But life goes on, and now I have more work to do, and well, life pretty much just goes on. And maybe sometime between now and then, I'll have that moment. And maybe I won't, and maybe I'll just ease into the new life. Or maybe I'll just slowly unravel, before picking up the remains, and recreating something new with the shreds and trappings of this life here.
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| This is my new musical obsession:
You tie your shoes too tight, you know
cause it feels better that way.
And when you don't, all night you are dreaming
you walk, laces streaming down the street behind you.
A river of tangled string
you are unraveling
and no one else seems to mind.
You keep it to yourself, stay numb and act fine.
You wear the truth under your sole, like a pebble
it makes you limp and sway
but it will out someday.
Take it from me it is no use
washing your hands so often they are clean and cracked.
You never get your old skin back
once you have loved like that
you're a river of tangled string...
He is inside you, he loved your marrow.
You think you could cut him out with a knife
if you went deep enough
I don't think so.
Maybe sing him back to living
'cause he might rise like a snake in a basket
or he may close his eyes
and wait till his life is a full-fledged casket, floating on
a river of tangled string...
- "Unraveling" by Deb Talan
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| It is ironic that it is exactly one month since my last post, and my mood could not be more different. Compared to the agony of a choice where, no matter how you look at it, someone is crushed, waiting was ideal. For all my conjuring up of "what-if" scenarios, the one thing I didn't expect happened--and turned everything upside-down. On one hand, it's good news; and on the other, it destroys the last thing I wasn't giving up. The worst part is when I know, logically, I must make one decision--that it is the RIGHT decision--and yet only feeling worse for having made the decision, having all the joy sucked out in a way I never thought possible.
I feel as though things are left unfinished, that I have nothing more to say, but I suppose that is the way real life is, raw. Movies, even the sad ones, they all end with a moving theme and a measured sense of loss or hope for another day; real life doesn't. Real life you have to live day by day, hoping and praying that this will be the day you'll see the sunshine through the clouds. So, here's to hope that tomorrow will be better than today.
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| Last month was medical clearance for the Peace Corps...this morning, I just found out we're dentally cleared! We have no legal holds, either, so that means (knock on wood) we're done jumping through hoops for the Peace Corps! We are now just waiting for the invite, which could come at any time. It's weird to be almost there, but not quite, still, esepcially after working through so many hoops in the 9 months we've been in this application process. Well, 6 more months to go...and then (hopefullly) we should be winging our way halfway across the world to a very cold (and very hot) place far, far away.
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