I am writing this today with such sadness, I cannot begin to describe. One of my very oldest and best friends is being buried today.  I did not travel to Fairfield to be there, instead I am remembering my friend here and in my quiet time.

I think I have blogged about Michelle before.  She and I have been friends since the summer before 7th grade, when I had moved off-base, in to a home in town.  Our neighborhood was right across the street from the Cemetery, our back yard looked over it.  This is the 'hood, that I lived in and Gayle lived 2 streets over.  Ya'll recall Gayle, she is my very best friend & we have never lost touch. 

Michelle and I weren't good friends initially.  Her neighborhood was on the opposite side of the Cemetery....but, we all went to the same Jr High school, Sullivan Intermediate.  I don't think we ever had any classes together, and Michelle hung around with Elaine, who kinda was known as a hard ass.....most girls in FF were hard ass girls but I wasn't.  If you really knew me, and even back then, you would think that I was a prissy girl.  I liked to dress up, with dresses & stockings & do my hair and paint the nails....you know the type.  Well, that was me!!

Anyway, when we reached the summer before our 8th grade, my parent's and Michelle's parent's split up.  We ended up moving over to the "other" side of town....Michelle's Mom, brother & she moved in to some brand new Condo's, they were very nice.  My Mom, brother & I moved in to a house in the subdivision right next to the Condo's.  Since both of us wanted to finish 8th grade at Sullivan, we commuted.  I would get dropped off in the mornings at Gayle's and Michelle would get dropped off at Elaine's. 

Now, in our neighborhood (before the move) the kids had to go to High School at Armijo High School.....but, the new neighborhood all the kids went to Fairfield High School....and even though we knew a lot of people at FF high, most of our good, close friends went to Armijo, including my Gayle.  Michelle was luckier, Elaine also went to FF, so even though we always walked to & from school together, once we got there Michelle hung mostly with Elaine and all the hard ass FF girls.  I found new friends, especially Sharon Usery, Melanie Kempka, Diane Reichart...who all lived in my neighborhood.  But, Michelle & I always walked to & from school, together.

Then, I met Anthony....he had a best friend Reggie.  Reggie was always alone with us, I tried to set him up with every single one of my girlfriends but no one ever stayed.  I used to beg Michelle to cut class with me to go off with Anthony & Reggie, but she had a boyfriend, I think his name was Charlie.....he had given her a watch....she thought she was in love.  Until, I finally wore her down one day & she cut class to go with me to hang out with Anthony & Reggie.  From that day on, she and Reg were a couple.  So much so, in fact, that she got promised to him way before me & Anthony.  And, they never parted after that. 

They were married in 1976, Anthony was best man but Reggie's sister Sandy was the matron of honor, not me.  I was a little hurt but I knew she really loved Sandy & I accepted it and moved on.  I did give her her bridal shower, 2 days after I had gotten out of the hospital for an emergency appendectomy!!  It was a very simple wedding......in the backyard at her Dad's house.  Reggie's step-Dad, Judge Curt Singleton married them.  Her dress was a peasant style, off-white.....we got her wedding flowers that morning at Safeway!!  Daisies, lots and lots of daisies....perfect for Michelle, she was the epitome of the California girl!!  Thin, long whitey blond hair.  Full of life and energy.  I always had the best times with her, and we spent a lot of time together, since our fella's were best friends.

We always shared our dreams with each other.  We knew we would always be friends, our children would be best friends, and we would grow old together.  That was always the plan......until Anthony went and (sorry if this offends anyone but it truly describes what happened) "fucked" it up for everyone!!!!

Considering how thin she was, she sure loved to cook.  And, her Mother came from an Italian Family, although to look at them you would never know it.....and Michelle made the best marinara sauce.  I brought up her speciality, Rigatoni, to her during one of our more recent conversations......she had changed her cooking habits by then, and she laughed when I reminded her of the time she used a pressure cooker and it exploded, all over her kitchen ceiling!!  That girl used to mop her ceiling, in her kitchen!!  That was another thing about her, she was meticulous about her home!!

So, on August 12, 2000....her oldest son Paul, drowned at Lake Berryessa, in a boating accident.  While we suspected foul play, Law Enforcement did not, and Michelle was devastated to loss her 1st born.  He was 21 at the time, just 6 months younger than my Ryan.  He was a fine young man, too.  Graduated with honors from Vanden HS, the same HS that my brother graduated from.  She visited his grave every single day.  She was so proud of the flower arrangements she would make and leave at his grave site.  She thought they were just as good if not better than those from a florist and I do not doubt her.  She was a good Mom and she loved her son so, so much.

I talked with her about 3 weeks ago, right before Ryan went to visit his Grandma.  I thought, since they didn't have the time to visit when he was there in January, maybe this time they could get together.  When Ryan was little and had his summer visitations with his family, Ryan would go camping with Reg & Michelle and the boys....plus, he would go and spend the night or hang out with Paul & his younger brother, Kevin.  Ryan loved all of them as if they were family, to him, they were.

Anyway, Michelle told me that she just couldn't bring herself to go to see Dolores.  Since she lost Paul, it was hard for her.  And, since Dolores was like a 2nd or 3rd Mother to her (she told me Dolores gave her her 1st job, at the Sno-Man Drive-In, one of the best fast food joints in town, I might add), and she just hadn't been able to visit her, yet.  She gave me her cell phone number though, and wanted me to tell Ryan that if he needed some place to go, all he needed to do was call her and she would come and get him as soon as possible.....just in case.

So, on Friday.....I got a sweet birthday card from Michelle!!  It was so sweet and she had put some butterfly stickers on the envelope, and inside wrote a sweet little comment, and just made me feel so special....since I didn't even know she remembered my birthday, since it had been so long since we were involved in each other's lives......I even cried just a little and told Tim I wanted to visit with her so badly.  My plan was to call her Saturday and thank her for her thoughtfulness.  BTW, the postmark on the envelope was August 11, 2004.

On Saturday morning, before I had a chance to collect my thoughts for the day, I got a phone call from Ryan....he said, "Mom, I have some really bad news....and it's not my Grandma."  I immediately thought it might be his Grandpa Fino, since he is having a hard time right now.....but, Ryan said No, Mom, it's Michelle.  She's gone, Mom.  She died 3 days ago, according to my Dad."

Apparently, she left to go to work 20 minutes early on Wednesday, 8/11.  She is a custodian at an elementary school, and she had to be at work at 7am, but knowing Michelle, I am certain she was always early.  She was the 1st one there, and had to unlock the gates....she never made it past the gate.  They speculate that she had a heart attack while she was unlocking the gates, and fell and cracked her skull on the pavement.  The next worker that showed up found her, and called the Paramedics.....they came and could not find a pulse, they transported her to the ER and did a brain scan, and they did not detect any brain waves and pronounced her DOA.  She was 47, her birthday was June 21st.  She had just celebrated (if you can call it that) her 28th wedding anniversary on July 24th.

And of course, I have right in front of me, a sweet, thoughtful Birthday Card from my sweet, thoughtful friend, Michelle, dated August 11, 2004.  I will bet that she dropped it off at the Post Office, before she went to work that morning.  I will cherish that card for the rest of my life.

I am so saddened by this turn of events, I can't begin to tell you.  I never ever expected to lose her, and especially so young.  I know that she is in a better place, I know that she is reunited with her beloved son, Paul, I know that she in no longer in so much pain......but, I also know that I didn't get to see her, or be with her and we had always made such plans to do so.  I will regret this....but, I will remember her for the rest of my life & with so much fondness, and fun.....Michelle was always so much fun!!!

She is being buried today, next to her son, Paul.  I sent flowers, a big easel type arrangement, from me and Ryan.  I have asked Snoozer to try to take some pictures if possible.  She and her husband Joe are going to the services, I spoke with her this morning.  Her MIL-Dolores has expressed to everyone, even me, that she wants to try to attend.  I understand that Anthony doesn't want her to go, he thinks it would be too hard on her.  I say let her try....she may not be able to stay for everything but if she wants to try to go, I think she should.

At any rate, this has been some hell of a weekend!!

BTW, yesterday was my 47th birthday.  Today, I feel it.

Today is also my ex-FIL's birthday, he is 75 today. Happy Birthday, Grandpa Fino!! He was older than my Mom by 2 days, her 75th would be on Wednesday. 

And then last night, Ryan called me and said, "Boy MOM, this is sure turning out to be a hell of a month"....I asked why and he told me that he had just spoken to his ex-girlfriend, Sara....she was leaving for Parlier, near Fresno, her hometown....apparently, her Father passed away over the weekend.

I sure hope that is the last of the bad news for this month!!

Sorry such a downer.....just wanted you to know a little bit about my friend, Michelle Ann Bailey-Sobol.