I am here because it is the interim between working and working. Writing group is tonight. I am bringing an article I've been working on. (Yes, I've been quiet about that. No, you can't ask until later.) The work will get a final run through. They are a good group, terribly supportive and all. Sometimes not so much on the thorough part. Some of them are outright nuts, but it's more writers support than critique. As it turns out, I need groups like Stanley needs therapists*. This work won't get a chance to go through my other group, but that's fine.
Enough rambling about that. I'm happy to be writing. Today I am in a good mood. A good run around the bedroom last night, breakfast and a good yoga practice this morning. I think we could solve all the worlds ills with that combination. I have a story idea I'm working on and it should be sort of fun, as opposed to work-like.
The writing thing has been bugging me for a while. The past several weeks I have struggled with the whole "my purpose in the world" thing. Too large a topic for me. Yet, the feeling is there. An undercurrent of potential nags at me. I know that when I get an idea I just burst with energy. I can feel the threads of the universe running through me and connecting me to everything. There are the moments when I know that all things are possible. Then the feeling fades, and unlike Peter Parker, I am not left with super abilities. I am left with the doubt any mortal has about what the hell just happened. And I talk to much about it. And I plan too much around it. And do very little to accomplish it. Whatever fantastic idea I had just festers and rots at me.
Mostly this is Fear, the arch nemesis of Love. I have yet to find any conflict that can't be boiled down to those two concepts. One is the absolute foil for the other. Hate is not the opposite of love; courageousness is not the opposite of fear. On the surface it may seem so, but dig deeper and get back to me when we are on the same page.
So the question really becomes what do I fear and what do I love? Yeah, we don't have time for that list. But I did have this conversation with my husband: these two concepts are linked and intellectually we know this, and yet, in our lives we don't feel that we are living it. We both struggle with the "purpose of our life" thing. We concluded that it's never enough to be intellectual about it. What do we fear that is keeping us from it? What do we love that we are afraid to acknowledge?
I ever break the wall to those answers and I can guarantee you'll see me rocket.
(*sometime in all of the my life is messy thing, I will finish Sex and the City)
Comments (1)
Good luck with the ongoing search for purpose. These days, I'm attempting to keep my mind busy enough that I don't get dragged down by such potentially oppressive questions . . .