Monday, March 17, 2008

• Seeing as this is my private space, I can say whatever I would like.  And I would rather get it out here than in the email I'll be sending along to my mother in law.  The one in which I will explain to her how she is a hypocritical, judgmental being whose sole existence is to generate grief for anyone who doesn't think, act, or believe like she does.  About how she claims to accept me as family but at every chance continues to berate me for having my own opinion, who also never takes my words and gives me the benefit of the doubt as to meaning.  That is reserved for others. My meaning is always clear to her.  Her assumptions become truth, and in that it justifies villianizing me, publicly, without having contacted me to find out the intent of my meaning.  I have spent fifteen years being taken to task, backhanded, for everything including: how I raise my kids (but they're so wonderful; it must be despite my methods), my political opinions, my religion or lack of it, how I phrase things.  Every time it's like this, in exactly this manner.  This is bullshit and I am sick of it.
  
  Maybe I should clarify.  I received an email that was basically spam mail about certain emails and how they wipe your hard drive.  It was partly true, as I checked it on snopes, but also false in that there is circular reference to another email.  I referenced both and responded to all to always check things out for themselves (the spam said they did, but didn't) saying it is a classic example in doing your own homework.  This morning I get a message  from MIL (not the original sender) spewing vitriol about how I insulted and didn't behave appropriately toward that person.  That's the kindest thing I could stay about the response, especially since it was rebroadcast to everyone on the list!   The assumptions she made about the meaning of my email (which I state clearly at the end " Most people know about snopes by now.  Always look these things up for yourself so that we can get rid of the real threats and these fake things that keep getting perpetuated") are way off.  There are other irrational, emotional, knee-jerk statements about how in her 40 years of being her daughter...  Screw this, I'm posting it...
  
  
  We are reading your email response to X and just cannot believe the tone you are using and you did your reply to all of X's family and friends.  This is a "CLASSIC LESSON" on how NOT to speak to your husband's GRANDMOTHER.  I'm sure X read the original email and thought someone else had already checked this out on snopes and she was doing everyone a favor but you on the otherhand just sound malicious!  You are very familiar with technology, X is not and she is 78 years old, please give her a break. 

  I have been X's daughter-in-law for almost 40 years and have always loved her and treated her with respect.  She did not deserve your mean response.  There are nicer ways of saying things to people or if you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all.   She doesn't need to do her homework, she is not your student!
  
  [This is as originally sent, I only changed a name to 'X']
  
  
  Let's take this line by line, shall we?
  

  1.  We are reading your email response to X and just cannot believe the tone you are using and you did your reply to all of X's family and friends.  Two parter here.  First, what tone was is?  How do you infer a tone from email?  Considering that you won't speak to me directly in any situation, I doubt you know what my intention was, except that I put it at the end of the email and you didn't bother to disseminate that.  Second, yes, I linked the proper snopes responses to all who were sent, so that they had the info too.  The end of your statement implies that I was trying to be mean, and publicly too.  I like how you made that jump from tone to intention.  Oh, and I did notice that you sent your response to everyone on the list too.  Gotta make sure everyone knows you followed up on this one.
  
  2.  This is a "CLASSIC LESSON" on how NOT to speak to your husband's GRANDMOTHER.  Maybe, maybe not.  Let's pretend for a moment that she is a person of her own mind and is allowed her own opinions.  According to this msg, no one has spoken to her about whether or not she actually is offended or not.  But as you haven't contacted me about my intent, that's not exactly a surprise now is it?  Oh, and nice play on teaching me a lesson, using my own phrasing.  Someone is missing a lesson here, and I don't think it's me.
  
  3.  I'm sure X read the original email and thought someone else had already checked this out on snopes and she was doing everyone a favor but you on the otherhand just sound malicious!  Another two parter.  The only nugget of truth in the entire thing is, likely, the first part of this sentence.  But as of yet, I am not clairvoyant, I can't assume that and send links anyway.  Part two, again with the assumptions on intent.  You think I sounded mean, therefore it must be true.  My only purpose here is to harangue a harmless woman with best intentions.  Clearly my work was successful.
  
  4.  You are very familiar with technology, X is not and she is 78 years old, please give her a break.  Funny, since X was learning to use it by sending email and communicating with everyone, I assumed that she would also be interested in the pitfalls of believing everything that is sent to her and learning how to unravel these things for herself.  I love modern ageism and how it assumes that because you are old you are not capable of learning or doing anything for yourself.  I can't wait to be old and have everyone defending me and giving me the breaks!
  
  

  5.  I have been X's daughter-in-law for almost 40 years and have always loved her and treated her with respect.   Love the set up here.  You are the champion who has stood by her side, faithfully, unerringly, unwaiveringly for so long.  I don't know how you can live with your perfect self.  The angels themselves must cry in joy for the ground you walk on.  Also, good use of what you didn't say.  If you are the one who's treated her with love and respect for so long, then I must be the one who hasn't.  But we wouldn't want to say that out loud, would we?  Might tarnish the halo a bit.
  
  6.  She did not deserve your mean response.  Again with the assumptions.  Gonna ride that one all the way through aren't you? 
  
  7.  There are nicer ways of saying things to people or if you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all.   Ah, here's where I get my lesson.  Obviously, because of your 40 years of pitbull behaviour dedicated service, you are higher ranking that I and are fully justified in teaching me proper manners.  Let's ignore the fact that I am an adult and so is X, and that if there are issues, we could probably figure them out by ourselves.  But I forgot, she's 78 and needs help.  Silly me.
  
  8.  She doesn't need to do her homework, she is not your student!  Ah, a difference in philosophy.  Finally a subject I can sink my teeth into!  I believe that everyone is a student of life.  I believe that ageism in society can be a problem.  Funny I remember a conversation I had with X about that.  I wonder if she's done with that old textbook on development and aging that I loaned her a while back? (true, I did loan her that book)  But too late, I remember also that dissenting opinions aren't allowed in this family--only conformity and proper behaviour -- as according to you.
  
  And she closed with a bible verse on the gift of grace (Ephesians 2: 8-9).  A nice touch don't you think?
  

  
  
  

  • 1:50 PM
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