Weblog » Archives » March 2008

  • Im a martyr for my love for you

    I was sitting on the couch last night, in the dark, about 4 am, between one and two. When this song played two grabbed my hand and held onto it tightly. He knew the words by heart. I think I'll take his advice. I thi…

  • So I broke my fast today after loosing 8 lbs- which I was pretty psyched about. I broke this morning with 1 can of progresso beef and veggie soup (200), 5 ginger snaps (150), a bite of pop tart (35). That brings me to …

  • good weight; bad life choices

    So, Im getting so close to my good weight. The closer I get though, the worse shit seems to be going. And here's the thing nobody tells you- getting anyone you want to want you is not all its cracked up to be. It is a…

  • This is what they call a low point.

    The good thing about low points in my life is, my diet/exercise log never looks better. I have eaten 1/2 a pop tart since Friday. I'm down 4 lbs. I have been doing bunches of abs work outs. I have dance tonight.So th…

  • bleed for me

    I dont want someone who danes to be with me. I want someone who pines for me. I saw M.- he was at my friends house playing fucking video games. There were two people in the room who Im tight with. He was two houses a…

  • how could he do this to me

    I met this guy and we had such an amazing night. I can handle an amazing night with someone I don't see again but this was different. We spent the entire next day together. He wouldn't let go of me. We went to this c…

  • There is this girl at my school that I have some history with and she is the most extreme perfection-spiration I can think of. Her name is Eliza and she is "in a relationship" with this guy that I euphamistically, "used…

  • stop.

    Sam and I went climbing again today. We then ate another round of pizza. I was good all day though so even though I sucked tonight Im not going to waste my time crying about it. One more reason to step up my game.im g…

  • how i gained 1.4 pounds.

    I couldn't stop eating yesterday so when I got my period I as actually relieved. I know the source of my eating, I can control it. Today will be better. Sam took me climbing yesterday, I kicked ass. Then we went out f…

  • intake

    intake:soup (320)1/2 of 1/2 organic pop tart (70)cookies (100)chips (120)its been a rough day so far... total 620 c'sI have dance tonight at 540 so hopefully Ill work a lot of it off. My weight is down today, even afte…

  • fuck boys

    Fuck boys! Not my boys, who amount to one of the greatest families I could have asked for. Not the boys who have my back and who have had my back time and itme again. but FUCK all of the other ones (and not in the lit…

  • intake

    huge bowl of delicious soup! progresso italian veggie with some noodles - 60 cal per serving! so... soup (120)1 bite of wrap with chicken and rice1 bite of something I cant remember the name of...

  • I have already made my decision. In fact, I made it long ago. I made the decision to be thin, to be perfect. That means, the decision of whether or not to go to the gym today even though dance kicked my ass last night…

  • Diet Notes

    So, I've been skimming the pages of The Beck Diet Solution: Train Your Brain to Think Like A Thin Person and The Thin Commandments Diet - an activity in place of eating. In fact, I have decided to start a new habit. Ev…

  • a vindication of the wannarexic

    So yesterday hit me hard. My body went up 6 pounds. I just keep telling myself that its mostly water and food retention weight and it will go away with a few hard days of work. One of my friends told me she was worrie…

  • I had a serious binge today. A bag of cookies (750), a can of soup (120), some flatbread (250?) followed by some adderall and 2 alli and 1 cigg. so my 500 cal allowance is shot to hell for the day but Im just telling …

  • reflections/goals

    So, I had an amazing day! Sam and I went to our secret lake spot, hit up the cafe for some espresso, did some work at the library, and then... we went to dinner. I ate 6 pieces of steemed shrip shumai and then a ful…

  • fat girls on facebook make me thin but depressed

    I have been working so hard lately so I decided to take a break and facebook stalk, but not for too long because I have to get back to work early tomorrow. Two hours later I have just kicked myself off. I got stuck loo…

  • 9lbs in 3 days

    So I have been on the, I forgot I was also a student and now I have a shit ton of work to do so Im going to pound coffee and adderall and cigarettes- no sleeping or eating for three days. I havn't really eaten anything …

  • the rumors are true, I am not, in fact, dead.

    Sorry its been awhile since my last login. I'm in California right now doing rehab for my foot- which I broke, leading to my weight gain... in case I didn't mention that before. I went up to 160, I was depressed, not d…

  • Food is dirty

    When I eat the way I should I feel lightheaded or weak or angry etc- sometimes a combination of a whole variety of things. When I eat the way I shouldn't I feel fat, disgusting, and like my body is being infected- Like …

  • I am not a binger. I am a starver. I believe in restriction and control. The more I restrict the more control I have. The more control I have the more I restrict. Binging is the universe telling me that I have lost …

  • some afternoon delight: lunch and thinspo

    L: nachos 1 1/2 serving nachos (180) 1 serving cheddar cheese (120) 1/2 cup corn (66) broccoli (50)416 total which brings me to 645 for the day so far...

  • Morning

    Same breakfast as yesterday. Im down a few pounds, doing really well! This morning I was dying to eat more... I just got my period so thats probably why. But I resisted! Had a cigg, went for a little walk, took in th…

  • end of day recap

    lunch: pasta (150)graham cracker (120)dinner: steamed corn and broccli w/ 1 tsp of butter and lots of saltdessert:bite of chocolate (30)heated applesauce with some ricemellow creamtotals:815 cals; 152 carbs; 15 fat; 26 p…

  • Great breakfast!

    1 cup strawberries (43 cal; 10 carb; 1 fat; 1 protein).6 cup peach slices (44 c; 11 carb; 0 f; 1 p)1 kashi GoLean Original Waffle (85 c; 17 carb; 2 f; 4 p).5 tbsp maple syrup (26 c; 7 carb; 0 f; 0 p).3 tbsp butter (31 c;…

  • 10 lbs

    So I am racing to loose 10 pounds. I begin right now but officially I begin tomorrow. The plan: fruits/veggies/lean meat diet 900 cal per day max ashtanga Tue, Thurs, Fri, Sunday running Mon, Wed, + wish me luck! …

  • Hi everyone! Ballet, yoga, art, and music are my passions. Calorie restriction makes up a good amount of my life. Im here to keep up my motivation and to meet people. I am not pro-ana. I am not ana. Anorexia is a dev…