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| April 13YAY! Good week at Vallejo so far :D
Got here Tuesday night/earlyearlymorning. Woke up hella tired hella early in the morning to pick my classes at SPSV (just in case). Didn't really get to see anyone there 'cause they were still in class. Then after I got out it started raining again. Crazy how it rained the whooole month with only a couple days of sunshine. And in SD, some people are happy when it rains. Anyways, my dad picked me up and we headed over to Cha am and then to my second home: Target. I used to be there every other day. Forseriously. I don't even remember what I used to do there. And I always, alwaysss see people I know when I'm there. So I went & I saw Ama & her broham there. It's been hella long since I've even talked to that girl. SO happy to see her. After that we drove to Fairfield for dinner with my grandparents. On the way over there, some girl was hella mean muggin' for nothing. I started laughing and I knew for sure that I was in Vallejo again. I always love going to my grandparent's house because they always have hella food there. And even though I haven't been there in three months, I felt I had been there just yesterday. It was a nice feeling. I love talking to my grandparents and we always just sit around watching world poker tournament. And It's fun to just sit there and listen to my mom and my grandparents gossip about the family. Haha.
Today was slightly more eventful. I woke up at around 10:40 to Common's Go on my cell phone. Ate breakfast and then Jo called to go pick her up to go to the mall. My mom and I picked her up and my mom wouldn't shut up on the way over. Every time we give my friends a ride. I don't even get a chance to say anything because my mom won't shut up. I love her. But then she almost killed us by trying to switch lanes into another car. We get to the mall and go meet Zherr & Kim. Aughh I miss being with them all the time. We're all so random when we're together; it's so great. And then later on we bumped into the other Kim and Jackie. Zherr goes, "Hey look. It's Jackieee" And then I look, and my eyes get all big and then Kim freaking screams, "MELISSA CANCIOO!?" And Jackie and her basically maul me. And everyone at the mall is just staring. Haha. Two of my favorite upperclassmen. I miss themmm. And then later on we go to Sears and mess with the gigantic bras and the two dollar size 90 underwear. I took pictures. You'll probably see it on my myspace later. Ha. And then after that Manang Tina picks me and Joanne up. We drop Jo off and just kick it at the house for a bit; Me, Nate, Stine, Mg. Ches, Mom, just watching the cooking channel and eating strawberry icecream & ferrero rocher chocolates. Mmm. Then we go to Olive Garden. Oh my God. I've been craving Olive Garden for over a year. Don't even know why. But it was so much fun. I love my cousins, even though they're so much older than me. I miss hanging out with them. Then after that we come home. And here I am.
I called Mave and we're hopefully gonna kick it tomorrow. Hopefully go to the city. Or at least Concord mall. Because I am NOT leaving the bay area without going to Up Against The Wall. You don't even understand.
PLANS:
tuesday, jonathong & jarhead visit; leave for VJO *CHECK
wednesday, SPSV appointment *CHECK
thursday, kick it with the girls; zher jo kim *CHECK
friday, city with mave; alyssa attempting to get me drunk
saturday, studio pictures by jr w/ chesa & chaundra; run around town; watch take the lead. again.
sunday, FUMC; trip back to SD
It's so wierd to be back. Things have changed here, but I still feel like I haven't even left. My mom is just now realizing how ghetto this place is. But that's how I like it. And I'm just now realizing how much SD radio stations suck. (no offense, by the way) I miss bay radio. And I miss how everyone just mean mugs you for no reason. I miss bumping into at least five people I know when I go somewhere. I miss that furniture store by Safeway that has just had it's ..10th grand re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-opening. And it's 10th everything must go sale. (Anyone know what I'm talking about?) | | |
| april 11xanga's dead. but i need an outlet. i need to take some weight off my mind.
i hate talking about my problems because i hate when people worry about me. but i've learned that holding it in makes it worse. it builds up and then you just explode. so i'll just straight up say it. i'll lay it down, but i'll say it in a way that you won't know what the hell i'm talking about.
and so, lately, everything has been, i guess.. a blur. i have this heavy feeling inside of my chest and it's a feeling just all too familiar to me. i swore that i didn't want to be like this; that i would never let this happen again. but it did. it always happens like this. so fast, and so fucking quick that i don't even remember how things turned around. i hate this feeling. it's that same feeling you get when you're under hella stress, and even if you tell yourself not to, you end up crying and you don't know why exactly. it feels like you're carrying a fat-ass burden; like something is heavy inside of you. it's that same feeling when you get rejected - replaced. and it's on display for everyone to see. right in front of your face. and it sent a blow straight to your face. and it hurts. it makes you feel like you're not shit. that's how i feel now. except, now, it's not stress. now, it's just confusion, and questioning, and being scared. trying to shake myself. to wake myself. trying to tell myself, wait girl. this is petty stuff. i shouldn't be feeling like this. or should i? maybe i'm overreacting, and maybe i'm just flippin' shit over something small. but it felt so damn real to me. i thought it was for real. i wish someone would just prove me wrong for once. people have always left me out cold, and i don't know why i thought this would be any different. i'm stupid.
what a way to kick-start spring break, huh? he doesn't know what he's doing to me right now & it's making me go insane. it hurts. he's making me feel like shit. but he'll never find out. i knew it was too damn good to be true. and no matter what he does, all i want is to see him happy. | | |
| april 10not that anyone reads this shit. but good morning, world.
it's eight o'clock in the morning. & i slept at 3 last night; my mind heavy with hella stuff.
but first here's my weekend:
friday, ate lunch with nancy; hung with the asian kids afterschool until my mom came because every single one of my friends had already left for spring break. i never really hung out with the asians until friday, but i noticed that the asians tend to stick together. i guess it's just a sense of community and being comfortable. i got home and then i found out that another one of my uncles is getting divorced. that makes 3 divorces recently. wtf. it was just hella surprising for me. but anways, later i went to mira mesa with my parents and my brother. me and nate went to best buy and bumped bay slaps on the ipod docks. he kept yelling at me because i made it loud so everyone could hear. "you're so freaking embarassing ate'!" haa i wonder why. whatever, i talk too much. then we went to go see take the lead. dante basco's face got pretty fat though. on the way home i got a voicemail that made me smile uncontrollably. i wanted to call him back but my dad took my phone away.
saturday, had a long conversation with the parents over breakfast about our moving situation. i hate this. it seems that moving back to vallejo will be so much harder. i don't know when my dad will find a job in the bay area - it might take years, and it might be until he retires, which is in 10 years. but until he finds another job there, he's gonna be living here in sandiego and then flying up to stay with us in vallejo every weekend. it's gonna be kind of like last year, he lived here and we lived in vallejo, but we didn't get to see him that often. sometimes people would ask about my dad. and they'd get the idea that my parents were separated. but i talked to my dad more last year. i guess when someone is always there, you take them for granted and you think that they're always going to be there. i never really talked to my dad until he moved to sandiego and i'd call him everyday. but anyways, staying in sandiego seems like the better choice. i'm fine here. it just took some time to adjust. and meeting someone here that i could relate to did make a difference. (back to saturday) so we talked about that for a while and it got nowhere. we still have no idea where we're going. and after i left my parents were arguing for like an hour. but i'm happy that i got 5 more chapters of driver's ed done. one more to go. i'm in a freaking rush to drive now so i can get out of the house more and actually hang out with people. my parents said once i drive i just have to tell them what time i'll be back and they won't bitch at me. freedom. i'm excited. later on my parents dragged me and nate to go look for houses again. the fucking most boring day ever. we went to rancho penesquitos, rancho bernardo, poway, etc. i hate sitting in that van for how many hours straight. and i hate calling people when i'm in the car because i feel like my parent's are gonna eavesdrop on me. and everytime, i have this strong urge to call. but i can't. and so when we went to costco i finally got to call people. i was trying to return someone's call and i just wanted to say hi and all that, but then they didn't really answer the phone and all i heard was a girl laughing. so i was just like, okay forget it. and then we came home and i ended up being a myspace vegetable. didn't move from the computer for hella long.
sunday, woke up to go to crystal cathedral. "ohmygod. it's like disneyland." auntie virgie, cj, and gen were there. it was nice seeing them; i forgot how close we live to them now. after that we drove to laguna beach. now i understand why the people there got pissed at mtv. it's so much cooler than it looks on tv. it kind of reminds me of venice beach? like how it's all tourist-y & lifely and all that junk. and then we drove to oceanside to eat. i don't think appetizer bread ever tasted so good. shuttup, i was freakin' hungry. then afterthat we came home. and once again, i sat my ass in the computer chair and turned myself into a myspace vegetable. after a while chesa called me. and then later david called me. and then lauren called me. and then lauren andd david called me at the same time. and then i called her boyfriend to tell him off, but the stupidbitch didn't pick up. aaanyways. i went down to "my" room to "go to sleep". (it's actually my grandma's room but she's not here anymore and i didn't go to sleep.) i stayed up for a while and waited until my dad was sleeping. it was hella sketchy because i was trying to cover myself up with hella blankets and pillows and shit so that my dad couldn't hear me talking on the phone. so then i called alan but like i got scared that my dad was coming and i hung up. hahaha sorry alan. then after a few minutes (at midnight) david texted me and then left me a voicemail and he had hella stuff going on. we talked for 3 hours. i swear, i could talk to this boy for hours and not run out of things to talk about. but it's because i've known him since preschool. we've grown up together & gone thru so much shit together. so after a while, i had to tell him to go to sleep. haha he lives in colorado, so that means he hung up at 3. and he had school the next day. whatta looser. but we talked about hella things and hopefully i helped him with his stuff. random, but he's pretty much the only guy i can talk to about boys. he's my freakin' own personal filipino dr. phil. and i thank him for that.
i think i've written enough.
"hit it once. hit it tweece." | | |
| march 13, 06.
xanga's making a comeback? YEA RIGHTT. :) | | |
| March 4, 06.
Damn, why am I even here right now. Hahaa. My birthday in 5 days! :) | | |
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