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Posted by: DavisMcDavis Original: 9/15/2005 10:57 AM Views: 9 Comments: 7 eProps: 10 Read Comments Post a Comment Back to Your Xanga Site

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Thursday, September 15, 2005

Vatican to Check U.S. Seminaries on Gay Presence

Investigators appointed by the Vatican have been instructed to review each of the 229 Roman Catholic seminaries in the United States for "evidence of homosexuality"....

-September 15, 2005, New York Times

This is just the first in a series of hard-hitting investigations by the Catholic Church, long known for its investigative skills.

Next up, they are going to check out grocery stores for the presence of food.

Following that, they are going to head up an investigation into whether this photograph:

is a picture of either a miraculous apparation of "Mary, Full Of Grace, Appearing In The Clouds With a Message Of Peace" or of "The Reason You Can't Take A Flash Picture Out A Tour Bus Window."

Poor Southerners are hilaaaaaarious!

On that note, read the commments below this article releating to the bus window/miraculous apparition. The comments are evenly split between people who see the miracle, and others who see a reflection. The best is this comment:

We pay absorbent amounts of money to go to the ends of the earth to see and seek a cure. But we fail to see the greatest of all miracles where all happens and it occurs every single minute of the day! The ‘Holy Sacrifice of the Mass’; ‘the Eucharistic celebration.’ Jesus is present in soul, body, and divinity! We can actually see, hear, feel and experience Him; if we only believe!

HA! That's awesome - who knew you could spend absorbent amounts of money for travel? I didn't even realize the Brawny paper towel man was Catholic!

They haven't announced it yet, but I'm sure the not-gullible-at-all Catholics are going to need to follow up that investigation with an investigation into gay sex websites, because Mary also appears in this photograph that I found after just a short search on Big Muscle.com:

Wow! It's a miracle! Praise be!

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to do some more investigation - my short survey revealed there were loads and loads of miracles happening on that website, and I intend to investigate every one of them...repeatedly.

That is all.

Posted 9/15/2005 10:57 AM - 9 views - 7 comments

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7 Comments

I heard the US Treasury was hiring Mr. Whipple to squeeze all the new currency.

Posted 9/15/2005 11:01 AM by slapsomeone - reply

Based on that picture of Mary, she sure has let herself go ever since her boy got strung up and killed.

Posted 9/15/2005 1:13 PM by NedNickerson - reply

"We can actually see, hear, feel and experience Him; if we only believe!"

I guess the same could be same of Napoleon Bonaparte or Elvis Presley. I think that most people would consider believing that you see things that aren't there to be a sign of insanity. Doesn't the crazy person really believe in what he is seeing, hearing, feeling, and experiencing? Of course he does. It doesn't mean that (to the rest of the world) he has actually seen whatever he claims to have seen, but it is his reality within his ownd mind. It might just be time to break out the Black and Decker drill and try a little old school, homestyle trepanning.

Samantha Stephens explained it best to her husband Derweed who had an aunt who thought that she was a lighthouse. Good old Aunt What's-her-face really thought that she was a lighthouse and everyone thought that she was nuts, so Samantha told Dagwood that perhaps she was the sane one and everyone else was crazy for looking at a lighthouse and thinking that it was an eccentric old woman. Of course Aunt Madge (that's right, that was her name) wasn't really a lighthouse, though, was she? What was my point again? Oh, yeah, I just saw the face of Jesus in my toaster strudel!

Posted 9/15/2005 3:43 PM by lizardsir - reply

Of course, I meant to say, "the same could be said of Napoleon..." but it appears that you can't go back and edit your comments here at xanga. How embarrassing for me.

Posted 9/15/2005 3:47 PM by lizardsir - reply

OR, as Fran said, after being told that she was late, "Am I? Or is the rest of the world early?"

Posted 9/15/2005 4:50 PM by slapsomeone - reply