Jill (slapsomeone) just linked to the most mind-blowing website ever:

My name is Ulrich Haarbürste and I like to write stories about Roy Orbison being wrapped up in cling-film

I'd heard about "giantess" stories before - via a David Sedaris story, of course - which as I recall repeatedly stress the smallness of the man, the largess of the bosoms, etc.  Apparently Roy Orbison cling-film story-writers obsess over the blackness of Roy's sunglasses and the play of light off the cling-film.  The involvement of the turtle is less clear...

It makes me want to start writing stories about my own personal obsession, which is, of course, stories about Julia Roberts making peanut butter sandwiches with my cat, Sara, and my daughter, Socks. 

Regarding the MTA subway strike: The guy who used to be my boss - but got a sort of sideways promotion/demotion so he's not my boss any more - the reason for this will become clear - is using the subway strike as an excuse not to come in to work.  His boss is the lady who wouldn't shut up yesterday, which is why I'm aware of this.  I overheard her explaining  this to his coworker, a girl who, because she lived too far from the (commuter) Long Island Railroad to come in yesterday, stayed overnight with her aunt and then walked in to work from Roosevelt Island to get to work today. 

And she got here on time, no less.

So here's who is sitting in the office near me today, and how far they travelled:

• L, who rode his bicycle in 32° weather from 207th street to 57th Street
• K, who I think, takes the railroad in to Manhattan and then either walks or takes a cab the remaining 20 blocks
• S, who had to take a train last night, stay with her aunt, and then take a tram over the river to 47th street, at which point she had to walk another 10 blocks and 7 avenues.
• ME - I walked 40 blocks
• R (my former boss) - couldn't make it in because it's "too much trouble," yet he lives about 8 streets and one avenue closer to the office than I do!  It's literally a straight walk up the street 35 blocks - which would take perhaps 35-40 minutes.  From what I can tell, I think he actually has the shortest commute of anyone in the office, yet he's about the only person not here.

Ha, it's just hilaaaarious.  Who is he fooling?  He's the one, you might recall, who once called to tell me he wasn't coming in  - not because he HAD a cold, but because he WAS cold: his hot water and radiator weren't working, and, as he said, "it's not about taking a cold shower in a cold apartment!"

No, it certainly isn't about that!

So he's not the most dependable person, is what I'm saying.  I think it finally became apparent to someone in charge, because they basically just moved him to some other group, gave all his work to me - at which point I realized his monthly workload amounted to about two hours of work per month, and lots of cigarette breaks.

That is all.