From Not Only But Also, I learned about the upcoming Mr. Hetero Contest, which is the response some pastor had to the International Mr. Gay something-or-other contest.  What a maroon!  We already have a Mr. Hetero contest - it's called "the Presidential election."   I haven't been too fond of the results of the last couple of them, to be perfectly frank, so we certainly don't need to duplicate it, not unless this contest will be open to black people or something like that.  Now that would be interesting!  Take a look at the website - apparently being heterosexual looks a lot like an ad for Prozac.  There's even a t-shirt available for purchase, though I'd have to say that if you need to wear a t-shirt that says "100% hetero" then you probably aren't. 

Anyway, in reading about Mr. Hetero, it turns out the pastor who started it has his own blog, the strangely-titled "Engaging Your World."  He uses it as a platform to spew his Bill O'Reilly-type beliefs - you know, where you have a single anecdote taken from the news wire, and then you use the anecdote as "evidence" to extrapolate how it "proves" something or other that the Christians have been blabbing about, and how their belief in an invisible all-powerful wizard-like being who lives up in the sky is, in fact, true and y'all should just read the Bible more.  Or something like that. 

For example:

• A story about a woman cheating on her boyfriend who was exposed by a talking parrot means: "Maybe God is going to teach [the boyfriend] that his true contentment is not in a bird or a bird brained girlfriend, but in the Lord Jesus Christ!"   Uh, right. 
• A news story about two teens beating a homeless man to death?  Obviously, this was caused by legalized abortion.
• Homosexuals are not a minority.  I know that sentence doesn't make any sense, but you have to remember that he thinks that homosexuality is a type of sin, like gluttony, which apparently means that, since it's a choice, everyone is a heterosexual, and therefore homosexuals are not a "real" minority, like black people.   Or something like that.  So homophobia is not like racisim, because the "most loving thing we could ever do is what Jesus did, call sin sin and point sinners to the cross."  I guess we can hope the cross in question isn't burning on one's front lawn.  I can't imagine Jesus did a lot of "pointing to the cross," though - weren't his hands nailed to it at the time?  Oh, but I forgot - Jesus is magic!
• My favorite: legalization of gay marriage has led to a woman who married a dolphin.  This is the most annoying story, because it's been repeated by such moralists as loofah enthusiast and television commentator Bill O'Reilly over and over as evidence of the "slippery slope" of legalized gay marriage - i.e., if we legalize gay marriage, people will want to have sex with animals.  It's simply logical.  Think about it - I haven't!  In fact, the woman in question has described the event as a joke, just "a bit of fun" that she had because her friends were teasing her about not being married.  But since Christians clearly have no sense of humor nor the ability to investigate any story beyond the headline, it gained mucho traction in the news media since it feeds into the beloved conservative idea that bestiality is the immediate consquence of not stoning homosexuals to death.  Or something like that.  

I had realized something was unusual about that story to begin with, because as readers of this blog may already be aware, it's not actually possible for a human to have sex with a male dolphin   - you know, because his prehensile penis will pierce your internal organs - which is reassuring to know that the woman wasn't in actually in love with that dolphin, at the same time it's pretty sad that someone bothered to check the mechanics of that physical interaction.  I mean, I've been horny at various times in my life - like every five minutes - but despite that I've never gone "wooking pah nub"  in an aquarium - even now that gay marriage is legal in England AND Canada.  Can you believe it?  I was sure that just as soon as that law was passed, I'd want to do it with a manatee, but strangely that desire has not arisen.  It's a mystery, really. 

I haven't even wanted Bill O'Reilly, who is - technically - a male member of my species, to rub up against me with his loofah, to be perfectly frank.  Does that mean I'm 100% hetero now?  I guess I should go buy that t-shirt....

That is all.