I Can't Burp, And Five Other Weird Things About Myself I Feel Compelled To Share

I was tagged by idolatrieartist, which means this:

THE RULES:  Each player of this game starts with 6 weird things about themselves.  People who get tagged need to write a blog of their own 6 weird things as well as state the rules clearly.  In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names.  Don't forget to leave a comment that says, "You are tagged" in their comments and tell them to read your blog.

I'm skipping the last step - these things spread enough on their own without my help.  Now, let's see if I can think of 6 weird things - that willing to admit - about myself that I can dress into amusing snippets.

1. Every winter my skin gets these teeny little bubbles that dry out and make the skin on my hands peel.  It's like I'm molting in the winter.
   
   
2. I dislike the flavor of lemon in almost all cooked desserts.  Same with orange juice. 
   
   
3. In high school, in a contest where they voted for "cutest couple" and crap like that, I received third place in the "most weird" category.  It was a double whammy - being called "weird" by almost everyone AND still losing at that.  It's just more shame.  The girl in second place later got shock therapy, which is a bit of cold comfort.
   
   
4. I tend to have long conversations with people in my head when I'm nervous, like planning out what I'm going to say to someone so I'm a little more rehearsed and I feel less nervous.  The conversations never, ever go the same way that I plan so it's really just a calming technique.  Frequently the people involved are celebrities, in which case the conversations are "just in case." 
   
   You know, like if I'm somewhere that I feel just might be the type of place where Julianne Moore might buy a bagel, I'd be all ready with, "Julie!  Hi!  You don't know me, but my friends Laura and Saul lived in your building over in the meatpacking district, they said your kids played together sometimes!  So it's not so crazy when I now tell you how pretty you are!  Riiiight?!?!"  I wouldn't mention that Laura and Saul are actually my brother's friends, of course, because good ole Julie doesn't know that, so why mention it?  The reality of the situation is that if Julianne Moore actually walked into the bagel shop, I would get so nervous that I'd have trouble just saying, "A toasted Everything bagel with cream cheese and an orange juice," and that's probably for the best.
   
   
5. I have the exact same things for breakfast and lunch every work day.  I find that cultivating a little bit of obsessive compulsive disorder keeps me more organized.  With almost no variation, here's what I have every day at work:
   • Breakfast is coffee with splash of milk, 3 Splenda©s, and a Think Thin Chunky Peanut Butter high protein bar.  There are seven different flavors, and I only eat one of them.  Optional additional treat: 4C Iced Tea 2 Go© in Green Tea flavor with 2 extra Splendas.  (We get free Splenda© at work with the free coffee and the free Poland Spring© water to put the iced tea mix in, and I take advantage of all of it. )  240 calories, no sugar, and 20 grams of protein - awww, yeah!
   • Lunch is 1 entire package of Smart Deli© Meat-free Roast Turkey Style vegetarian protein slices placed on a Seeduction© dinner roll cut in half from Whole Foods© with 2 packages of Gulden's Spicy Brown mustard (one on each half).  I make two open face little sandwiches using half the slices and half a roll, and cut them in half so I have four pieces, which I dip into a big cupful of Rapunzel® Vegan Vegetable bouillon  in "With Sea Salt and Herbs" flavor.  I don't know how many calories the roll is (like maybe 100 or 200?)  But other than that, it's 240 calories for the slices, 30 for the bouillon, and I get 42 grams of protein.  Oooh, snap, gurrrl! To drink I have an Emergen-C packet (20 calories) in a bottle of water with 2 extra Splendas.
     
     
6. I can't burp.  I just gurgle.  I've only met one other person with my same deformity, and when I found out that she, too, was a gurgler, I felt like the Man Who Tasted Shapes when he found out there were other shape-tasters.  (I'm not a shape-taster, I'm a non-burper, I guess.)  I mean, I've burped like under ten times in my life, and it usually was immediately following by vomiting (which I also do only very rarely).  I think the two activities are far too closely intertwined within my body, and I studiously avoid both.

Gee, that was easy as pie!  I bet I could totally win that "most weird" contest if it was held today!

That is all.

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