I seriously expected at least one person to offer me congratulations on my amazing pictures from the Scissor Sisters concert.  Isn't it even vaguely impressive that I was able to get pictures like this? 

I know it's a little blurry, but my hands were a little shaky from all the wanton sexiness he was throwing off.

For reference, these are the pictures I got - at the exact same venue - for the Killers.  This is a (zoomed-in) photograph from that concert for comparison:

See how much farther away I was?  See how much harder it is to see the lead singer's nipples in that photograph?  I get photographs of an extremely sexy, extremely sweaty, and extremely Jakey (is that an adjective yet?) Jake Shears, but there's barely a peep out of you kids!  I'm sad.

Is it because you wanted to see the other band members?

Right near the end of the concert, I realized two things simultaneously: 1) I hadn't really taken any pictures of the guitarist, Del Marquis, who was wearing an extremely tight version of "one of those new polyester leisure suits" and 2) he wasn't wearing any underpants.  I tried to remedy situation #1 so that I could show you situation #2, but this is the best I could come up with.  (In case you're wondering, he's circumcised.)  His pants were so tight that when I made my realization, I told the Stump, and she said, "I KNOW!  I wasn't even looking and I noticed!"

How about a picture where you see Jake's luscious, slightly furry, thighs topped with sequined hot pants?

It looks like he's about to grab Ana on the butt!  I'm squishing your butt, I'm squishing your butt!

I'm almost certain, from the expression on his face, that Jake was thinking about me this photograph.  You can tell from his pained expression that it's difficult for him to put up with this charade that he and I have been playing, the one where he pretends he doesn't know me.  It must be so hard on him! 

Or maybe you guys just have a hard time finding a man in Mickey Mouse pants sexy?  Is that it?  Because I bet he gets sexier when you take them off.  I just haven't managed to do that yet.  Again, I am sad.

That is all.