The best thing just happened at work!  I got an email this morning that we were having a Secret Santa thing going on, and I really quickly emailed the girl in charge of it and managed to pull my name out of the whole stupid thing so I don't have to do it at all!  It's the best thing ever! 

I think Secret Santa sucks big time, so much that I almost pre-emptively wrote to the girl to say, "In case you guys are doing Secret Santa, please don't include me!"  Other times I've asked to be pulled, but it's been too late - someone already had my name.  That's what happened last year, so I spent ages trying to find something fun for the person I got, and eventually found something adorable (a USB lava lamp and something else that I don't recall).   Then, after all my efforts, they ended up doing the distribution of gifts when I wasn't there (I'm on a different floor than the rest of them) and the girl I had didn't even thank me or acknowledge that she'd gotten a gift.  But I knew she got the gift because a different girl called to ask me where I'd gotten the cool gift, because she wanted one for herself.  So I not only do I know that the first girl got the present, but also that it didn't suck.  But what does suck is Secret Santa.  It's hard enough finding gifts for people you know and care about - finding one for some random co-worker who will be gone within a year is just horrific.

My hometown had a Christmas parade over the Thanksgiving holiday, and there was a large truck coming down the street with a sign saying "He is coming!" on the front of the truck.  There's less of a feeling of separation of church and state in my town, at least partly because there are granite Ten Commandments inexplicably placed in front of the fire house.  (I guess to remind the firefighters not to steal.)  I feel the general sentiment is:  "It doesn't matter what your religion is, because we all love the same Jesus."

Our family friend who was watching the parade with us said, "Oh, I think it's the Christian motorcyclists!" and she was right.  The truck had a big sign saying it was for the Christian motorcyclists...and being pulled behind the truck was a large inflatable Santa on a motorcycle.  

Over the course of the parade, there were four guys-dressed-as-Santa in the parade - which I thought was a rather high number, considering all the children watching and the mindfuck potential of seeing Santa go past four times in the space of 10 minutes. But really the best part was that "He is coming" sign.  I just love the fact that the Christians can't keep track of the difference between a fairy tale gift-giver who is supposedly known to be fake by the adults, along with the equally ridiculous man Jesus savior, who the adults are supposed to continue to believe is real.  "No, Virginia, Santa is fake, so there isn't an unlimited toy box at the North Pole, unfortunately, but the other magical guy, Jesus - he's real.  Why?  Because I said so.  And he's built a golden mansion for you in the sky!"

Which is yet another reason why O, The Oprah Religion is better than Christianity - there's no confusion with O, because the blessed Oprah is both Santa and Jesus in the same holy personage: she is both Savior and Gift-bearer! 

Let us read now the words from the holy Book of Oprah regarding the holy holiday of O-stice, the Oprah Solstice, which is celebrated each year on either Christmas or the winter solistice, whichever you find more convenient:

B.o.O. 2:8-14: For unto you is born this day (approximately) in the city of Kosciusko, Mississippi a Saviour, which is Oprah the Lord. And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the Oprah wrapped in swaddling clothes made of cashmere, lying in a manger on freshly starched Frette sheets.  Ye shall know she is the savior by the gift bag ye shall find under her manger, which shall contain a set of swaddling clothes and Frette sheets of thine own!  Ye shall all get a gift bag!"

And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of housewives praising Oprah, and saying, "Glory to Oprah in the highest!  And on earth peace, good will toward men, even those men who have wronged us in the past, for we have come to terms with them and are now living our Best Lives!"

O-men.