Tuesday, May 06, 2008

• Yesterday was one of those days in which a whole lot of stuff happens.  I thought I was going to have a quiet day painting my bedroom.   My bedroom was torn apart, most of its things dumped haphazardly into either the bathroom or the girls' room.  (Incidentally, in emptying my room, I found my GRE scores from 1989.)
  
  So, I'm painting my bedroom and the electrician calls and wants to know if he can come this afternoon.  Jon, after the theft of his Vespa, wants to make our house more secure by adding more exterior lighting.  One day when I was at work, or school, or something, Jon and the electrician got together and cooked up a plan to make our house light up like a prison yard if so much as a stray kitten sets a paw over the property line. 
  
  The electrician had the flu and then we didn't hear from him for a long time, and I began to have second thoughts.  It seemed excessive, it was going to be very expensive, and adding lights on four corners of the house was likely to ruin the paint job I worked on so hard last year.  As I worked on my bedroom,  the electrican and two apprentices did a scaled back version of the original job and replaced the porch light, replaced a lamp post at the end of the front walk, and put motion detector lights by the basement door.  This involved digging a large hole in the front garden and turning off the power.
  
  Meanwhile, I was taking a break from painting, I called our plumber to see when he could come and put our toilet back into the bathroom.  He said he could come right away. I was so not prepared to hear that. This meant a hasty cleaning of the toilet, which has been sitting  in the back yard for a month.  Mad Scientist helped me carry it up the stairs into the house.
  
  Then I got a phone call from Tedious Man.  Remember Tedious Man?   I knew he was in town today--he had just successfully defended his dissertation.  I figured he and Jon were going to meet in a bar later, but no, he'd brought the entire family, so I invited them for dinner. This news immediately put my children in a state of High Dudgeon since they dislike the Tedious Children.  The only decent thing to eat in the house was freshly baked peanut butter cookies, and both their kids have fatal peanut allergies.  I decided to order pizza, but by now it was 4:30 and the plumber was backing his van down my driveway. 
  
  The plumber is the neighborhood hottie.  I could probably sell tickets to the other ladies when he is here.  He hemmed and hawed over my toilet and called it a "Lowe's Special," which it is.  He was thoroughly disapproving of the tile apprentice's repair of the toilet pipe and had to replace it. While he worked, I finished up with the painting, only I realized, too late, that the plumber had shut the water off and now my hands were covered with paint.  I wiped them with a damp rag, but since I had used that rag to wipe the floor underneath my dresser, my hands were now nearly as black as a Victorian chimney sweep's. 
  
  Meanwhile, there was trouble in the bathroom.  The toilet, now reinstalled,  had a defect in the porcelain, causing water to run in a continuous stream.  That explains why our water bill had been much lower since we'd taken out that  toilet.  We decided he'd return tomorrow (now today) to put in a *new* toilet and then got on the subject of sinks.  He rolled his eyes when I said I wanted a pedestal sink, but then suddenly said, "Would you like to buy a Kohler pedestal and save some money?"  Why, yes I would.  Very much indeed.  He knew a woman who installed a brand new pedestal sink,  changed her mind, and didn't want it anymore.  I said I was definitely interested. 
  
  Hottie Plumber was just leaving as Tedious Man and family arrived.  It was now 6:30pm.  Jon was home by this time and we busily socialized and when it was nearly pizza time, the Hottie Plumber's van came backing down the drive.  He had brought me the sink--just to look at, so I could decide if I wanted it or not.  He even carried it into the house and set it in the bathroom so I could see just how it would look.  It was perfect.  And it only cost $150.  It had been in this lady's garage for three years, so she was happy to get rid of it.  Happiness all around!  Hottie Plumber and I have a date to go shopping together today for a new toilet and taps for the sink.
  
  

  Meanwhile, my kids have SOLs tomorrow. These are the Virginia standardized tests, now used to determine if schools may be accredited under No Child Left Behind. They have been given strict instructions by their teacher to be in bed by 9:00pm, but at 9:30 pm, my kids are sitting around our fire pit, inhaling lead paint fumes since it was Jon's bright idea to throw some old fence posts on the fire.  It is one of the tedious children who alerts us to the possibility of lead paint on the fence posts and he covers his mouth and nose with his shirt and in general makes a great noise about it. My kids are all, “Lead paint! I want me some of that!” Which is not conducive to passing SOL scores. Still, they are anxious, and want to go to bed, but can't because, 1. we have guests and 2. the contents of my bedroom are dumped all over their rooms and beds. So they play “scare,” an invented game, in the darkened house while the grown ups sit around the fire, except for Tedious Man who is pacing and talking on his cell phone. He has hardly been off his phone the entire time he has been here.

  Then comes a comical dance in which Tedious Man and Tedious Woman keep circling the house looking for each other and missing each other. I am amazed that in a house and lot as small as ours, that two people could constantly miss each other, but eventually, they are gathered together as a family and drive off into the night.

  The kids didn't get to bed until 11:00pm. 
  

  
  

  • 12:02 PM
  • 16 views
  • 12 eprops
  • 9 comments