It's been quite a while since I've written anything in my good 'ol xanga!  Hope everything is going well for all of you...I'm doing GREAT...kind of.  I am taking the day off tomorrow, I have to go get my every 3 month blood test done for my HbA1C for my diabetes, I'm nervous about it as usual, my appointment is next Thursday, I'm praying that the numbers will be down, however, I highly doubt it.  I have such serious issues with self control, self confidence and anything that has to do with self.  I can't seem to control my hunger, even when I try really hard to begin a weight loss plan that the doctor's approve, I get cravings and am actually not happy because I can't eat what I want...how sick is that.  I could handle loosing a few pounds...well quite a few and get so discouraged with myself that I quit within a month.  Not only is it the eating but the exercise especially, growing up I had no issues because my ever-so-pushy mother would gently say "Don't you think you should go for a walk" I wanted to say...nope, I don't...however, those of you that know me understand that I would never want to disappoint anyone, especially my parents, so I would trudge out on the sunny days...as well as the rainy ones...don't forget the snowy days too.  I was dedicated to obeying and respecting my mothers wishes...however...I now live with my husband, not my mom.  William always encourages me but I feel like saying, if you want me to walk or exercise so bad, they you do it with me.  We do walk together sometimes, however he's no more motivated than I.  I dont know, I feel like I'm not making sense....anyway.  I'm just struggling with it, I need a good friend to walk with and enjoy spending time with so that I don't hate the walking or exercising part of it...but I'm not close with anyone in the Bourbonnais area...not at all.  I mean I know several people, but no one that would be interested in walking with me and talking...the time seems to go by much quicker when you're having a conversation!  Well...enough about that...

This weekend was the 2006 Walk for Juvenile Diabetes Research Fund.  It was a blast, there were 43 in our family group but we were at the Lakefront, which altogether had 7,000 walkers...it was awesome!  There were lots of families, companies, dogs, and people :)  It was fun, I'd never been on a walk before, but I will definitely be going again!  Austin, my little cousin (he's 6) and also a juvenile diabetic had a blast, it was cool to see all his friends and family there supporting him.  Him and Bailey (his brother) are so fun :)  It was great to spend a weekend away and with my aunt and uncle...it was fun getting to spend time with them and their house was very peacful! 

Well, an update on my daddy-o...his surgery is scheduled at Mayo Clinic in Minnesota for December 5.  They were able to get a condo near by for the following week (in Wisconsin) with my Aunt Lori (nurse) and Uncle Randy (pastor).  It will be a nice and relaxing week for them to recover from the surgery before the follow-up visit the next week.  I am trying to decide whether and when I should go up for the surgery...I want to go...however, I'm not sure about the timing...

I have an appointment in the morning at 9...potentially a very good appointment...I'll explain more later...maybe.  but please pray that I will have the right words to say and be very impressive!  Hope you all have a great weekend! 

Currently Listening Rockin' You Tonight By Blaine Larsen see related

     Meg, Katie and I sat rocking on the swing on Meg's front porch.  Because Katie had the longest legs, it was her job to keep us moving with a gentle push every now and then.  Today, our swinging was sporadic.  Katie was caught up in Meg's description of the heart surgery she would undergo in two days.
     "The doctors say now is the best time," Meg explained.  "I've grown all I'm going to, I'm healthy and they don't want to wait any longer.  The walls of my aorta are weakening every day."
     Katie and I listened quietly.  We'd always known that one day Meg would have heart surgery, but we weren't prepared for it to happen this summer.  We were having too much fun.
     Katie and I had always known Meg was different.  She often complained about the way her eyes protruded from her head and about the extra-thick glasses she wore.  We teased her about her slightly bucked front teeth, lovingly calling her "Bugs" after Bugs Bunny.  But we never teased her about her heart condition.  Meg's family had known from her birth that one day she would require an operation.  Now, the day had come.
     Meg went shopping with her mom the next day, so Katie and I didn't see her until late.  We sat on the porch swing, each of us lost in our own thoughts.  When Meg's dad called her in, I hugged her tightly.  "I'll be praying for you," I said.
     "Thanks," she replied with a smile.  "Pray for the doctors, too."  We all laughed.  Meg's remark had broken the tension.
     I didn't sleep very well that night, so it was late when I got up the next morning.  I went outside for some fresh air and looked down the row of houses to Meg's.  I saw her dad and brother with their arms around each other.
     They're home early, I thought.  I went in the house just as the phone rang.  It was Katie.
     "Teresa, I have terrible news."
     I could tell she was crying.  My heart sank.
     "Meg died," Katie said flatly.  "When the doctors touched her aorta, it was so weakened, it just dissolved.  She died on the operating table."
     I was in shock.  "Katie, I'll talk to you later," I said, and hung up the phone.  As I headed for my room, I passed my mom in the hall.
     "Any news on Meg?" she asked.
     I shook my head, still too stunned to tell anyone the news.  I didn't want to believe it.  I shut my door and lay down on my bed.
     It can't be true, I told myself.  Meg can't be dead.  Katie heard wrong.  It was some other girl who died.  Meg will call and tell me everything's okay.
     As the hours stretched on, I knew Katie was right - but I couldn't admit it.  I heard Katie's mom call mine to tell her the news.  When my mom knocked on my door, I told her to go away.  "I want to be alone," I pleaded.
     On the way to the funeral home, I kept telling myself that Meg was okay.  But when I walked into the room with my parents and saw Meg lying there, reality hit.  My friend was dead.  I walked over to the casket and looked at Meg's peaceful face.  She looked like she could jump up any minute and ask why everyone was so sad, but she didn't.  Meg was dead.
     I cried hot, angry tears.  I couldn't understand why Meg had died, and I was mad at God for allowing it to happen.  The world is full of horrible people.  Why didn't you take one of them?  Why did you have to take the sweetest, kindest person I know?
     God didn't give me any easy answers.  At Meg's funeral, her pastor read John 3:16: "For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish, but have eternal life."
     I knew Meg was a Christian, and I was comforted by the fact that she was promised eternal life.  As the days passed, I drew on God's promises for those who believe in him.  Jesus told his disciples that he was going to prepare a place for them in heaven.  I knew that included a mansion for Meg.  I missed Meg terribly, but I could feel my anger lessening.
     One evening several weeks later, Katie and I were walking when we found ourselves heading for Meg's front porch.  We sat on the swing, both uncomfortably aware of the space between us.
     "I miss Meg," Katie said as she gave a push.
     "Me, too," I replied placing my hand on the empty seat.  "But you know," I told Katie with a smile, "Bugs will have perfect teeth in heaven."
     Katie laughed.  "You're right, and she can't complain about her eyes or her thick glasses anymore!"
     "And no heart defect . . ."
     The front door opened and Meg's mom came out.  "I thought I heard someone," she said.  "I was hoping you girls would stop by.  Please keep using the porch swing.  Meg's dad put it up for the three of you, and we hate to see it empty."
     "We'll be back," we promised.
     "No heart defect," Katie said with wonder, as our swinging resumed.
     We scooted together, closing the space that had separated us.  "Do you suppose there are porch swings in heaven?" Katie asked.
     "I'm sure of it," I said firmly.  "And I'm sure Meg will be saving us a place on one when we get there."

 Well...I have lots to write about but don't have patience to write them all down...so I'll try to be detailed yet brief.  My dad is doing great...the cancer is still in the very early stages...he's going out to Mayo clinic to see the doctor's there next Wednesday...but things are looking really good there...As for myself....well, here's an over view of my two days in the hospital last week

Monday I took off work for the Holiday and to see my parents...we went to the popcorn festival, it was fun...I wasn't feeling great but didn't think too much of it...Monday night we went home and I kept feeling worse...ended up with regular flu symptoms through the night...by morning my sugar was still fine yet I had keytones...so I decided to go to the doctors...well, when I got there they took my vitals and decided then with a pulse of 152 that I needed to be admitted into the hospital...so I was directly admitted, for the first time, not for my diabetes.  So they put me on a medical floor and started me on a heart monitor thinggy, then moved me to the heart floor...that's when things started to get interesting....late on Tuesday my Endo called for some additional testing and the crazy night doctor took it upon himself to order a CT, EKG, and other random tests...well...I spent most of the night getting these tests completed and getting blood work done, however, at 4:00am they decided I needed to be moved into ICU..let me tell you what that does to a person...total stress...I didn't understand why i was being moved and they kept saying it was no big deal...well, I'm not dumb, when they move you from a regular room to ICU, there's a problem somewhere...So after a very anxious night in ICU with words such as: Pulmonary Embolism, blood clots, arteries not working, HEART ATTACK...I was freaking out...and I'm not kidding, poor nurses, I couldnt grasp those concepts...so by 9 my real doctor came in...the first thing he said was "Why did they move you to ICU?" wish i knew the answer...he had gone over all the results with the radiologist and discovered that I had no real issues...just a swollen lymph node in my chest, probably caused by whatever infection that I had...and that my pulse had been high because I was incredibly dehydrated...so after thinking I was going to have to have heart surgery or die, I was very relieved.   So they moved me out of ICU and onto the pediatric floor...left me alone while all the test results continued to come back in...finally I rested (they gave me a sleeping pill and left me be)...so I was released on Thursday and am back at work today...so crazy week....

Becky's wedding was this weekend, what a beautiful bride, i'm so happy for her and John!  Now I wanna move to Kentucky to be close to them...lol

Please pray for the Bopp family...

Ugh...