Sunday, August 12, 2007

• Another Day on Hysteria Lane

  Okay, so I have nothing better to do today, so I will write another blog entry.  That is what us bored people do.  We write blog entries.  Bad ones.  At sometimes intervals of 10 minutes.  Yaay bad blogs.

  A few weekends ago, I got drunk.  I know, some of you might be thinking I have turned lush or be thinking, "Don't you do that EVERY weekend?" Why no, I don't.  In fact, it might only be once or twice a year that I get really out-of-my-mind crocked.  And I only do that because I'm usually a very funny drunk.  People usually like me when I'm drunk because I'm a happy drunk.  I love everyone when I'm drinking.  I'm not one of those angry, I'm-going-to-slit-my-wrists drunks.  I'm also not one of those dumb, attention-seeking-whore drunks who turns into a hooker, hangs all over guys, or suddenly wants to try bisexual experimentation.  Since the Pukefest of 1997 (that's another story), people have loved to get me drunk.  No, I am not talking about random dudes in bars wanting to get me drunk because I am not that type of girl and never have been.  I'm talking my friends - those who don't want to get me drunk and take advantage of me but whom would rather wind my butt up on alcohol and then laugh uproariously at the funny shit that I do.

  Amongst things I've done while drunk:  'The Macarena' dance...on stage at a club...when the Macarena music wasn't even playing, spontaneous ab workouts, the butt-craziest dances you've ever seen, going up to random chicks in clubs and trying to get my guy friends laid, dishing out compliments in heaping servings to everyone in sight, group streaking, putting on a cheerleader uniform and doing cheers, running around with a lampshade on my head singing 'I'm a Little Teapot', jumping over a bonfire, stuffing my bra and singing 'Islands in the Stream' after sucking on helium, hitting golf balls, missing, and landing on my ass...and a number of stupid things that actually - knowing my personality, I probably would have done anyway without the influence of alcohol (shhh - don't tell anyone!).  I've never been a nuisance drunk so nobody usually has a problem with my drinking.

  I did do something stupid a few weekends ago, though.  I've been on my husband for years to quit chewing tobacco because I HATE, HATE, HATE it.  I had vowed to never marry someone with a tobacco habit - well, surprise, he lied to me about the tobacco habit until after we were married.  No wonder he kissed my butt until I married him at 4 a.m. in Vegas - he was nearly dying of a nicotine fix!  Well, anyway, we were all having a good time when my drunk ass decides to ask my neighbor for a cigarette.
  "I don't see wha the big deal wi dis shiiid izzz..." I was slurring like crazy.  They got all this on video and that is how I know this.  They then instructed me how to take the cigarette and inhale.  I did.  I coughed my lungs up and hated it.  Everyone left me outside coughing and I eventually decided to pass out on the grass.  After that, my memory was shot.  I remember being carried to the couch and being lain down on the couch.  I remember barfing all over myself.  The next thing I know, I was standing in the shower with my cheek pressed against the tile and my neighbor was looking in at me.
  "Are you all right?" she was saying.  All I could think was that I was horrified that she was seeing our bathroom so trashed and dirty...and OH MY GOD - she saw me naked.  Full frontal nudity - oh shit.  The next thing I know, I'm laying in bed and barfing into a bucket...the same bucket my husband used for his aquarium stuff and I was retching from fish fumes.  I was yelling with my head in the bucket that the bucket smelled like fish.  I somehow got puke all over the bedsheets so they had to change my bedsheets.  The next day, I woke up and honestly felt like I was dying.  The feeling didn't go away until well after noon.  I was vowing to never drink again, of course...but it was the cigarette that had done me in.  Smoke one when you hate the smell of cigarettes and kiss your stomach contents goodbye.  Chalk another one up to dumb things you suddenly have the courage to do while drinking.  I knew one cigarette would not kill me, but I do have the rationality, even when blitzed not to do extremely stupid or dangerous things that might give me a lifetime of embarrassment or get myself killed.

  It's hard to look at my neighbor now.  She saw me naked.  Nevermind a bunch of women in the hospital got to see all kinds of gross woman stuff when my kids were born...but they see it all the time...somehow this was different.  Ugh.  I've felt like a dumbass for weeks.

  I know my neighbors have been wanting to know when I was going to blog about that story, so there you go.  It's hard to blog about half a night you can't even remember and I honestly haven't touched a drop of alcohol, nor do I have the desire to do so for a very, very long time.  My birthday is coming up, though, so I guess that's going to change.  On your first birthday you get cake and everyone laughs at you for having cake all over your face.  On your other younger-year birthdays, there are games that make you look stupid.  On your thirteenth birthday, people tease you about being a teenager.  On your sixteenth birthday, everyone finds it necessary to say such daft things as, "Ooooh. stay off the roads!  Someone's sixteen!".  On your twenty-first birthday everyone gets you shitfaced.  After that, the only thing you get on your birthday is...well, drunk or absolutely nothing.  Why is it that people think that is a legitimate birthday gift?  To get the birthday boy/girl drunk?  It's the gift that makes you wake up the next day wanting to die for all the stupid stuff you said and did and sick to boot.  I actually hate drinking.  It's the socializing I love and that's why I have a few drinks on the weekends, occasionally.

  Socializing is even turning out to be more trouble than it's worth, these days.  Our insane neighbors down the street are still being bitches.  In fact, they REALLY pissed me off this weekend.  They threw this extremely loud party until 2 in the morning - and normally, it wouldn't bother me if neighbors did that, but it's the fact that these neighbors are assholes who hate everyone on our street and try to bully people that really pissed me off.  They were telling me they had a problem with our band practice in the garage...but we're not supposed to have a problem with their extremely LOUD parties till two in the morning in which they are standing out in the middle of the street, threatening to do damage to other people's houses, cars, and people themselves.  They were calling all of us names and just talking about crude stuff as loud as they could.  Really.  I was rocking my daughter back to sleep after they'd woken her up for the second time with their screaming and I got to hear a whole conversation about blow jobs.  I was just thinking, "Christ - these women are down the street about three houses...and if it's loud here and I'm hearing this conversation, my neighbor's kids must be getting an earful.".  I didn't call PMO because my husband didn't want me to get involved...but one of my neighbors said she DID call PMO twice...and they never showed up.  I wish I could've called them, too.  I am really sick of these women.  They called me an anorexic bitch with a fat husband.  They call my neighbor "That Chinese lady" (she's not Chinese) and were screaming about my other neighbor and about how she was a racist bitch.

  After they started daring each other to go take a piss on one of our doorsteps, I actually took up post in our spare bedroom and watched them, just waiting for them to do something stupid.  I hate doing that, because I felt childish sitting there...but they were sitting there talking about how they were going to "F%#$ up that bitch andher whole house", daring each other to do stuff to our personal property, etc. it became necessary.

  Why in the HELL is it so hard for some people just to quit their gossip and GET ALONG with other people?  One of our neighbors said she heard one of the women's husbands is cheating on her with white girls and that's why she's racist, but that's hearsay.  I don't know if that's true or not, but it might explain a few things.  Actually, maybe not - if that's her story, then what's the story with the rest of them?  Why are the rest of them such total psychobitches?  One of them was down there even bragging about how she was from East L.A. and she could hire a hitman.  Isn't that nice?  We're all supposed to feel safe on a street like this?  I'm so tired of it.  I HATE drama.  I'm a relatively private person.  I enjoy the quiet life.  I don't like a lot of negative excitement going on.  I love socializing and having a good time with friends, but I HATE drama queens that like to stir shit up.  Unfortunately, they are all over this base.  I've gone so far with Blaine as to tell him that I really don't think I want this lifestyle anymore and I really want him to get out.  I've even thought if he doesn't get out or doesn't feel like he can, then I'm going to have to separate from him.  Not because of our marriage, but because I can't stand living this way.  I am a house prisoner who can't step outside my own door.  Everyone is in everyone's business and life is a living hell.

  I want to go back to my old, normal life.  I want to live somewhere where I don't have to deal with this.  My husband tries saying, "The civilian world is just as bad..." but no, it's not.  It IS bad, but just not to this extreme.  It's usually bad in the workplace, but you can go home and escape it.  I can't get away from this.  I can't leave my house and drive down the street without having to drive down a gauntlet of bitches glaring at me.  This is the most hostile environment I've had to live in since I lived with my parents - and maybe even more so.  At least my parents didn't make threats about hiring hitmen, etc. etc.

  The thing is - making complaints against these people does absolutely no good.  What are they going to do?  Evict all four houses?  Highly doubtful.  I've heard they've been given a verbal warning, but a lot of good that did, if it is true that they were even given one.  From what I hear, the housing office knows about these women and says this street has been a problem from the beginning.  I don't understand why nothing can be done.  These women now know that nothing is going to be done about it so they're making all the threats, accusations, etc. that they want.  It's not fair that those of us on this street who are peaceful are the ones who are going to have to request to move and pick up and move our families to get away from them.  My husband is even pursuing orders to Okinawa to get away from here and that's just crazy.  You shouldn't have to move to another frickin' country to get away from these stupid bitches.  I wish we could get orders to North Carolina but it will never happen.  The military finally realized it's more cost effective to not relocate cross-country unless absolutely necessary, I guess, and besides the old aircraft my husband works on are being slowly replaced.  Soon, the only squadrons left will be the ones at this base.

  When my husband warned me about the drama in base housing, I never dreamed it could get this bad.  Not to the point where I would start fearing for my safety and the safety of our personal property.  Already, we can't go out and enjoy our yards without glares and these women talking about us as loud as they can in their groups so we deliberately overhear them.

  We had another incident about a week ago...We were hanging out in the house when I thought I heard a scream and then I heard our neighbor go flying from her back porch.  My husband ran out to see if she was okay and see what was going on.  Apparently, there was a girl standing by the side of the road down behind our house and screaming.  Some guy in a truck kept pulling up next to her.  My husband grabbed his car keys and ran out the door.  He was going to check on the girl.

  He brought her back to our house after he'd convinced her to get in the car with him.  She was shaking and a little teary-eyed, but she seemed okay.  She told us the man in the truck was her husband and he'd been trying to force her into the truck.  She said  he was jumping out, grabbing her, slamming her into the truck while yelling at her and she would get away and run and he just kept following her.  She told us she'd had him taken in for domestic abuse several times but nothing had ever really been done about it.  She said he'd been drinking and that's all it was - the alcohol.  She didn't want to file a report against him.  My husband told her that he was sorry, but he HAD to call PMO because this guy was drinking and driving.  She said she understood.  When my husband wasn't around, she told me she loved him and was still hoping he would change.  She said she didn't want to leave him...she just wanted him to stop drinking.  I tried talking to her about it...but it was kind of hard with all the excitement going on with the MPs there and neighbors running in to see if everything was okay because of the patrol car in front of our house.

  Blaine said he saw the women from down the street walking around several times trying to see what was going on.  They probably think it was my husband beating me or something crazy.  The MPs told us that the girl's husband had already been taken in so she could go home if she wanted.  We told her she was welcome to stay with us as long as she wanted and I'd already gone up and made up the spare bed in case she wanted to stay.  She wanted to go home so Blaine drove her.  I felt so bad for her because she got stopped by more of my neighbors on the way out wanting to know what had happened.  I'm sure the girl wanted her privacy...and I watched her go, worrying about what the hell her future was going to hold.  I'd given her my numbers in case he ever gave her trouble again...but I don't think she will ever call.  Even if she did, she'd probably end up going back to the jerk the next day.  It was a sad thing to see...and another thing I hope I never have to see again.

  So, as you can see, I've got enough drama in my life.  I don't even want to write about it here, most of the time.  I don't want to really get involved anywhere with the internet most days because there are enough assholes in my neighborhood that I don't need to deal with them online, too.  Why is it so hard for people to get along and be nice to each other?  Is it so hard NOT to gossip, spread rumors, and be kind to one another?  I'm afraid for myself living like this.  I am and always have been an extremely nice, concerned person...but I'm afraid being here is going to turn me into a cold, bitter, nasty bitch just like the group that live down the street.  I already am finding myself flying off the handle over the least little things, these days.  I go around feeling like I'm always on the defensive, just waiting for someone to kick me so I can rip their head off.  I don't like feeling this way.  I've tried to go back to playing guitar a little more.  Somehow that soothes me when everything else around me and everyone else around me seems to be going crazy.      I want to go home!!!

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