Sunday, December 02, 2007

• Watashi wa baka desu

  Just days after being told that we are definitely moving to Okinawa, and it's finally starting to sink in.

  I literally felt like I had been hit in the head with a brick because I'm one of those extremely anal-retentive, obsessive-compulsive nutjobs that needs a plan.  I need to know exactly what direction my life is headed in, especially with regards to where I will live.  It's yet another thing my husband hates about me and can't understand.  I've had a lot of people say, "Weren't you expecting this anyway?  Why are you so shocked?"

  I'm shocked because I lived the past few weeks with it firmly in my mind that we were going to Miramar and I spent every second of the last few weeks checking out base housing areas online, getting acquainted with the services on base, contemplating on whether or not I should go back to work considering there is much more of a job market closer to San Diego, etc. etc.  I pick a direction and then I go full-steam towards planning life in that direction.  Actually, in this case, I really didn't get to pick a direction, I just got told, "We're going to Miramar." and automatically added, "so plan your life accordingly" in the space behind that sentence.

  I am a horrible...no terrible...military wife.  I am selfish.  I don't like the idea that I have to follow a man all across the world and give up all my dreams, aspirations, goals, etc.  I do not have any intention of living in the dark ages and saying, "Yes, master." but at the same time, I am supportive.  I know that SOMEBODY in our country has to do his job.  I don't think you're going to convince the hippies parked in front of the White House with their protest signs otherwise so I'm grateful that he devotes his life to our country.  At the same time, it's hard to share a bed with one of your heroes when it means giving up a lot of your own dreams.  Luckily,  my biggest dream of all does not necessarily require a stable locale.  Being a military wife is only for women with portable dreams and high self-esteems.  You've got to enjoy spending a lot of time with yourself alone and be able to amuse yourself and not be one of those crazy clingy women who think they must be attached at the hip with "their" Marine/Airman/Seaman/Soldier/Sailor/Coastie or whatever-in-hell title they insist on circling in hearts, flowers and blinkie things.  In some regards, I guess that also makes me a great military wife.  I'm a contradiction to myself. 

  In any case, the first one to freak out over the acronym 'PCS' (Permanent Change of Station) is me.  We've known that we would be PCS'ing within the year for a while, but with no clue to where.  It's made me anxious and surly.  Why do this?  Why do that?  We're just going to be moving anyway!  So I've been sitting on pins and needles waiting for the relief of knowing where we were going so I would be able to plan.  My husband is one of those 'live for today' kind of people.  If it were up to him, we would probably end up living in a cardboard box in the alley of one of those Japanese 'love' hotels because he forgot to put our name on the housing list or something.  I don't even want to think about it.  Of course, he would hate me for saying that because, in general, he hates any woman who says that her man would be nothing without her.  I'm not saying that...I'm just saying:  THE MAN CAN'T PLAN ANYTHING TO SAVE HIS LIFE!  And I say that with all the love in the world.

  A few months ago, when first presented with the possibility of moving to Okinawa, I started my insane research on the island, its' history, housing, weather, people, languages, etc.  I found the Okinawa Hai blog some of you have sent to me back when I first started searching and I think I've read everything on that site.  In fact, my son has become a huge fan of the Japanese toilet-training video they had featured there.  We still can't get him to go, but he does love to grunt like the little boy at the end of the video.  I guess invisi-poo-ing is a start.

  Okinawa Hai has a lot of useful information and I've found a lot of other great information searching all over creation.  I've become fascinated with the housing sites and photos of places we could rent.  Everything looks like something out of one of those newfangled Japanese horror flicks that have somehow crossed the ocean and were replaced with American actors and actresses.  Sort of a dreary 1960's feel with wood-paneled walls and concrete exteriors.  I knew I never should have watched things like 'The Ring', 'Dark Water', 'The Grudge', etc. etc.  Now the friendly and well-meaning Japanese housing scares the holy turkeys outta me.  I've heard the weather there is tougher than the scorchiest humid Ohio river valley swampy summer.  Summers in Cincinnati along the river were so humid that the air felt thick and hard to breathe sometimes.  However, hallelujah praise the Lawd!  They have air-conditioning!!!  Even in base housing!!!  I was even reading comments from some women who were haughtily saying that they leave their air-conditioning on all the time, even in winter, because they don't have to pay for it.  I really want to smack them upside the head and say, "You BITCH!  That is why decent people can't have air-conditioning!  Because bitches like you take advantage of the fact that you're not paying the bill so then it's 'out of budget' for the military to afford air-conditioning for the rest of us!  ARRGH!"

  I have had at least ten people telling me, "Don't worry about learning Japanese.  You won't need it."  Well, the hell I won't!  I don't get out much in California because a) My kids have been very young or I have been pregnant.  My son is finally getting to the age where he can walk holding my hand and listen to me which is a HUGE step.  I'm ready to get out and do things now.  b) We now live in a high-traffic, somewhat high-crime area.  I have every intention of getting out and exploring and getting to know the island and from what I've heard, it's safe and has a laid back island pace that would be more conducive to exploration by an awkward chica like me.  This is one thing I am a sucker for...going to a foreign country and just getting lost.  In 2000, I had a blast just going to Ireland for a few weeks all by myself.  I loved it!  People were so nice and helpful.  They spoke English, but if you weren't from there and heard them speaking, you'd swear they were speaking an entirely different language.  Thick southern Irish brogue was hard to understand at first.  I came home talking like them, though, much to the irritation of everyone around me who had to ask me to slow down and repeat myself at least twice.  They speak so quickly there that it made my mother's slight southern drawl sound like slow-motion and I was in agony waiting for her to finish a sentence for at least a month after I came home.

  I love immersing myself in a different culture...but not trying to be a wannabe.  Please shoot me if I ever dye my hair black, wear eyeliner to my ears, and insist on eating pizza with chopsticks.  I just enjoy learning new things and I might not need the language if I want to live solely on base or only venture out every now and then...but I actually want to learn the language because I think it's the polite and respectful thing to do if I actually do want to mingle with the general society off-base on a regular basis.  I, for one, get VERY irritated with people from other countries who come here and expect us to speak their language while not even making any effort to speak ours.  I'm even more irritated that some places are now overtly catering to this.  You can't please everyone that comes into your country so "When in Rome..." people should try to learn the native language.  So, I'm learning basic Japanese.  Kanji might take even longer than the three years we will be there to learn, but I'll make a good effort.

  For a while, I even felt guilty about going to live there.  I read a few Japanese communist articles about how they hate us and don't want us there, etc. etc. but from those whom have actually been there and know what they're talking about, they say Okinawans do not mind us being there because of all that we do for their economy.  There are some who probably oppose and I can understand why they would, but I think it's obvious now that we are no threat to them and actually help to maintain the peace.  I've also read several articles about how the economy would collapse if the military bases there shut down.  Of course, everyone knows that young guys can do silly things and if anyone causes trouble there, I'm sure it's a few stupid young Americans that screw it up for everyone else.  There is a lot of fascinating history there and quite a few books I want to order about it.  Overall, I've heard the crime rate there is less than 1% and that you really couldn't be any safer and that the people are out-of-this-world wonderful.

  I'm thrilled for the opportunity and the experiences, but dreading the complexities of moving.  There's a lot to think about and I've heard that the humidity is SO damaging that you can't bring leather coats with you or they will end up molding.  I can only imagine what my hair is going to look like considering I transform into the human fuzzball back home.  Maybe it's time to bring back the perm?  I've got baby-fine hair and a lot of it...and it's the worst kind of hair to have in humidity.  Prepare for photos of me looking like something off vintage Soul Train...and there will be photos and lots of them.  I've always been slack on photos, but that's because I can only take so many pictures in my living room.

  For now, I have to concentrate on getting all our important paperwork sorted out, start packing stuff that can be stored, start deciding on what we can sell, etc. etc.  It's going to be a huge headache so I really hope that it's all worth it when it's all done and over and we're there.  I've also started studying Japanese and Okinawan variations of Japanese.  There's so much to learn...but despite the shock, we're really excited!  I've used the term "scared" to express how I feel about going...but make no mistake, I'm not afraid of any of the things most people would imagine being afraid of or the fears of being somewhere new and experiencing something different.  The only things I'm really afraid of are:

  a) Kids On a Plane - far scarier than any stupid horror movie Samuel L. Jackson could ever star in.
  b) American products that I suddenly realize it's really hard to live without and are too much of a pain to ship.
  c) What if I hate it?  Seriously.  What if I get there and don't like it?  What if it's just not my cup of Gyokuro?

  P.S. - "watashi wa baka desu" = "I am an idiot" and I am.

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