CW: 122.5

Grrr.  I'm getting so frustrated with this last 10 pounds.  Whenever I fast, it seems like I end up gaining it back within a few days...So, because of that, I've decided to try eating 600 calories a day or less for a week and see where it gets me.  I'd really like to be out of the 120's by late next week, if possible.  I'm going to increase my cardio, too, and try to burn more fat rather than gain more lean muscle.  We'll see if it works..

Intake:
Tuna Wrap (100)
Jello (25)

Outtake:
Sex (-200)

 Somewhere around last night, my mood plummetted.  My first love, who I dated for three years, emailed me for the first time in at least 18 months to ask for my ex-best friend's email...He cheated on me with her, so it was like salt in a newly opened wound. 

Because of this, I'm completely questioning my love for Taylor, and I don't want to see him for the rest of the week.  I'm tired of him being broke all the time, tired of him having to pay court fines, tired of his baby, who cries when Taylor pays more attention to me than to her.  I'm tired of us always being too poor to go on any real dates.  I'm tired of always having to pay for gas or food because he's only been employed for two weeks.  I'm tired of getting barely any oral sex at all, and when I do get it, only for a few minutes.  I'm tired of the fact that I can't sleep over at his house because he's temporarily living with his parents until he gets back on his feet, and they're religious assholes who judge everyone.  I'm tired of being tempted to smoke pot and dealing with the munchies.  I'm tired of saying, "I love you," and only meaning it when I'm in a good mood.

So, how do I solve this?  The best way possible!  I started sleeping with my best friend again (who just happens to be a sexy, male, 21 year old bundle of awesomeness)...And I don't know what to do, now.  Yesterday, I thought I loved Taylor...And he hasn't done anything to fuck me over, he's just...stressful to be with because you never know what's going to happen.  I have love for both of them, but part of me wants to be alone...And they both love me so much...

I'm a fat whore.

**Edit**

My  mom called me as I was walking into the gym...She was sobbing hysterically, I could barely make out what she was saying.  Basically, my bunny, Scissors, had been acting weird all day, and even though she can't afford it, she took him to the vet's office.  The doctor said Scisssors had pneumonia, even though he's an indoor pet...His gums were blue. He gave Scissors a shot, and after my parents paid, Scissors convulsed and died in my mom's arms before they even made it to the car.  I could stand it...I can't stand hearing my mom cry, she was beside herself.  I'll just have to walk later.  I can't handle the gym right now.

R.I.P. Scissors 04/?/08---10/08/08

CW: 121 (Height: 5'9")

I've almost made it a solid week of just fruits and veggies, and you know what I'm craving most?  Eggs!  How weird is that?  Oh, well.  Success is close at hand.

My weekend has been a blur of uppers and alcohol...and, "I love you's."  I can't really complain.  I'm going to the gym later...Then I might roll, or do Adderall and take a super-long walk to help wake up my metabolism a little more.  Taylor's commented twice about how I haven't eaten all day, but not in a negative way, just a questioning way.  On the plus side, it saves me money because I can get wasted more easily. 

Talk about a win-win situation!  =)  Cheers, loves!

Intake:
Mushroom & Tomato Slices
Veggie Straws with Rotel
Lettuce wrap w/ mushrooms

Outtake:
-650 cals. of walking
Sex+++++
400 Crunches
200 Inner thigh pulls
100 Bicep Curls
100 Hamstring pulls
100 Leg extensions
100 Back Extensions
100 Tricep Curls
100 Shoulder Presses