It's been a while

Thursday was my 4th anniversary with xanga. =) The thought of that makes me smile.

The past few days have been nothing but work and chores. Stayed up very late to get my paper done for Concepts on Thursday. =( I know i shouldnt have left it. I know i know. But i had a patho paper to do too! Thats not a valid excuse anyways. OK, so i suck. With just one hour of sleep on wednesday i managed to go to class, rake all the leaves in my front + backyard, vacuum all the carpet in my house, wipe all the floors in the house, wash the bathrooms (toilets and sinks), scrub the bathtub, wipe those stupid glass tables, clean the kitchen, and do laundry all on Thursday. By the end of it, I was soo tired my limbs were shaking. I just wanted to get everything clean and tidy for my mom when she comes home.

Friday was my first day at SickKids for volunteering. The experience is a lot more different than Mount Sinai. Children are always harder to deal with than paperwork. It's difficult to talk with kids, esp. when they're in so much pain and stress. But I look forward to many more Fridays because I know it can really train my confidence and communication skills; it will test my patience; it will build a bigger and stronger heart. <3

Finally today, ChrisBean came over to my house to work a very special assignment. Im glad things are going smoothly and now all we really need to one more meeting and some practice. For lunch i cooked her my very first omlette (you can see how it really didnt turn out right) Its all because of the mushroom. >___<" and I also made her some nissan ramen (aka instant noodles) =) LOL Then i surprised her with a Coffee and Rum Tiramisu i made last night at 12AM. haha

HAPPY BELATED cB!!!!

Looks gross eh? haha

Most successful Tiramisu i ever made!

ps. I forgot to give you your card. =(

I accomplished much today.

I am terribly tired right now and ever since this morning.

Mom's back tomorrow.

Its gonna be a long night. =(

But im enjoying it. I love writing these papers. =)

Marriage and Love

When I see my pt with his wife i remember some Chinese phrases like "bak leen ho hup, wing geet tung sum" and "bac tau doe lo" and soo much others i cannot translate. My pt and his wife truly lives out what it means to be a married couple. They show me what it means to love someone. They show me what it means to "grow old together." They testify to me that a good and long lasting marriage is still possible in this day and age. That there is still such a thing as commitement. They give me hope to look out for that person who will commit themselves to me. They give me hope for marriage.

I hope i will find someone who will be sooo caring and patient with me when i get sick and when i become ill.

The Wife is good.

It's difficult but I'm still hanging on

I always dread clincal days when i think about it the night before and the mornings of clincal days. I hate to wake up when the sky's still dark. I hate to wake my dad up dark* and early in the morning because I feel so bad to have him get up to the cold and moist morning just to drive me there. I hate to go out on the streets alone and to see no one, no cars. Everything just feels sooo awkward and out of the ordinary. I hate to put on bum wear because im just not in the mood for "dress up" or putting on some more presentable clothes. 

I feel inadequate whenever I wait for a smile, some sort of signal from my pt to show me appreciation for all that i have done for him/her. It might not be much that i'm doing for my pt. but im doing all i can. I feel inadequate because I rely on that little thing to move on. I know I shouldn't. I shouldnt let that smile, that thank you, that short conversation, that little bit of acknowledgment to be part of my motivation. Yet i can't help but desire for it, to be hungry for appreciation.

It's going to take some time. I dont know how long but it feels like a long journey.