I had a odd feeling today and I asked myself is this happiness or just the end of insanity.  I was walking from the coffee shop and not a single thought about being too ugly to show my face in public, too fat to be seen, too stupid to do anything, or fear of the giant cinnamon roll with probably 500 calories occurred in my head.  Not a single time.  Not once.  I didn't think that everyone was staring at me.  I didn't think that people that did notice me were thinking about how fat, ugly, and stupid I am.  I didn't even notice if people actually noticed.  It was bizarre.

I was walking back to the office and the pun created by the new name for the Bad Ass finally dawned on me. I am kind of slow sometimes.  The new name for the Bad Ass (which by the way actually had another name before this new name) is Strip Teas and Coffee. I suppose it is clever or cute or something.  It does not matter to me, the coffee shop will always be the Bad Ass. 

I saw a humming bird and a traffic light.  I thought it was an odd combination.  I watched the humming bird interact with the traffic light because animal behavior fascinates me.  I am not sure what humming birds do with flowers, pollinate them, eat their nectar or whatever.  Clearly, this humming bird was attracted to the green traffic light.  It was interacting with it in the way that humming birds interact with flowers.  I watched as it darted back and forth accomplishing nothing, but still attracted to the traffic light, not thinking about the energy it was wasting on it.  The traffic light changed, and the bird would watch the other color (red or yellow) but it did not try to eat or pollinate it.  When the green light came back, it would start the process over again.  I wondered when the bird would stop and concluded that it was low on the humming bird IQ scale for chasing something that was unattainable.

Then I thought it reminded me of my old life.  Yesterday I was afraid that because I have not been able to eat lately due to being sick, that I would slip into my old habits.  The voices were at it again.  They were telling me that I can just continue eating the way I am now and I would be fine.  I was able to feed John even.  I didn't need the nutrients.  I would still live.  I would loose weight.  I would be thinner.  I really thought I would slip back down that path.  In the past, that has always been the case, but I don't think I will today.  I know that I will return back to eating normally when my stomach stops hurting.  For now, I will continue eating foods that I can handle until I know that I am better.

John John is getting a tooth.  This time it is a real tooth and not a spit bubble.  I never thought I would be happy to see a tooth in my life.  Watching break through his gums is about the most exciting thing going on in our lives right now and that says something about my life.  Oh, well, I don't care.  My son's tooth can be a source of pride for me and no one else.  I never thought I would be one of those wierd women that kept their children's teeth, and I do not intend to keep all of his baby teeth.  I only want to keep his first tooth.  It's creepy enough to save a lock of his little baby curly hairs.  There is this voice in my head telling me that those body parts hold imprints of his soul.  There is this voice telling me that the tooth will contaminate me a lot more than the hair will.  As it ages, its cootie powers will increase until it reach the point that touching them might kill me.  While I don't think I will really die from touching an old extracted tooth.  I do feel extraordinarily dirty after picking one up.  The only thing I can think about is when can I wipe myself clean.  I feel grossness pulsating through my whole entire body.

He is finally feeling better.  We made an appointment for Monday and of course his fever finally went away completely Sunday night.  The rash he had was only an eczema flare up.  I think it came from this new lotion I am using on me.  He likes to play with it and a couple of times over the weekend I caught him putting it on himself.  My mom thinks he either just likes the bottle for some reason or he likes how it smells.  He is used to unscented stuff unless it comes from Gentle Naturals.  It is too bad, I like that lotion and I usually don't like things that have a smell.  The smell competes with my perfume and I end up smelling icky.  The rash is under control, and he will be upset when he has to start wearing more than a diaper again.  He has been enjoying his nakedness.

The cable guy comes today.  We should have cable and !ntr@w3bz by the end of the day. I am so tired of watching old episodes of The Next Generation and the X-Files.

Anyway, it is back to work for me. 

I am absolutely loving my new research.  I couldn't be more happy, I don't think.  I am getting used to not having cable.  I really don't miss it and when I get too disturbed by the silence, I just turn on the radio or listen to music.  I do, however, miss the !ntraw3bz.  I get these ideas late at night/ early in the morning and have absolutely no ability to explore them.  Since John-John does not sleep through the night yet, I can't just get up and run to the office and look things up even though I would love to do it.  It kind of pisses me off that female scientist get paid and promoted less than their male counterparts.  WTF?  I kind of knew that it was true, but I had no clue how pervasive it was.  I am also expanding that paper I wrote a couple of years ago for class about the misconceptions that students/people have about genetics.  I want to re-do and go through IRB so that if I ever want to publish it, I can.  Of course the stuff I collected then will not be useable so I will have to re-administer it and this time I will be a lot more formal about it.

We have decided that we are not going to have them cut down the tree in the back so that we can enjoy Direct TV.  Cutting down the tree in the back would take away the shade, the birds, the squirrels and ruin the charm of our back yard.  Without it, our yard becomes a large cement slab with two patches of overgrown garden.  I can not wait until it is cool enough to go outside, clean it up, and plant things.  Sometimes it cracks me up that I have become so used to scientific writing that I type can not instead of can't even if I think can't.

All of our stuff is out of storage and I have $60 extra dollars each month to play around with.  I am getting rid of most of the books that are mine.  I don't re-read books and most of the books I purchased for my first research project are of no use to me.  If I want to research a method, I know how to go on the !nt3rwebz to find it.  I can sell them on Amazon for a pretty good price I think.  One of them is selling for between $80-140 used and the other is selling for between $8-50 used.  That is what I figured it would sell for.

It's back to work for me.  Hopefully, soon I will have internet access at home.  I really need it.

Dumb Test by QuizRocket.com

I was aiming to be more dumber than that.  I need to restudy I guess.