I've been having suicidal thoughts again.
it wasn't only thoughts...i was planning on how to commit suicide.
then i figured my pans were unattainable. where can i get a gun?

two days ago i couldn't stop crying. i tried to do my homework but time and again my heart would beat really fast then this rush of sadness filled my heart, then i'd cry...and i couldn't stop for a while.

i tried cutting myself, but my knife was blunt so it didn't do much harm to my skin. i couldn't find my other knives in my room, and i didn't want to use a kitchen knife...so it ended there.

before i thought cutting was crazy. i get it now. i get it. it feels good. i can't explain it, but it feels good. i wasn't able to cut to the point where blood came running out of my skin, but i did penetrate some layers of my skin.

what's wrong with me?

it's just thoes things that bother me...they won't go away. problems that are unsolved haunt me and now my parents are being more protective than ever.

i'll be okay...

i'll be okay...

you know, it's kind of hard to consider you as a good friend when you lie to my face.

I don't care what you do, it's your life. I don't judge who you are as a person just because you do something stupid. Everyone does stupid things, they may be different actions, but none the less, stupid.