Currently Watching North & South By Daniela Denby-Ashe, Richard Armitage, Tim Pigott-Smith, Emma Ferguson (II), Travis Oliver see related

I am not brilliant at math.

I don't pretend to be!

I mean, I am an artist. I draw. I paint. I dabble in pastel once in a while. This rarely involves algebraic equations or theorems concerning pi etc, so I simply don't worry about it!

Except . . . .

I am addicted to grids.

Grids are beautiful things! They help one out so much when it comes to making certain your drawing is accurate, especially with portraits or architecture.

Albrecht Duer used grids.

Rembrandt used grids.

Therefore, Anne Elisabeth uses grids with great joy.

Except . . . .

Grids involve math.

And math hates me.

I know math is a necessary part of the universe so if you (poor soul) happen to enjoy it, I will not judge you harshly. It's even kind of nice to know that as long as the sun and the moon shall endure, 2 + 2 = 4. I rest secure in this knowledge.

Or I did, up until the other day . . . .

Tell me, 4 x 4 = 16, right? Think back to your multiplication tables. 4 x 4 . . . . last I checked, that was 16. And if you add 2 to 16 you come up with . . . 18? Yes? Yes?

AE (on the phone with her mother): "WROOOOONG!"

Mummy: "I'm sorry, sweetheart. But it's true. Four times four plus two equals eighteen."

AE: "THAT's what my blasted CALCULATOR is telling me too! But you're both WRONG!"

Mummy: "Can't be wrong. It's math."

AE: "Then math is WRONG! The shape of the universe has been BENT! The sky is FALLING!"

I was trying to grid.

The width of my reference photo was 4 1/2 inches. The width of the painting was 18 inches. 4 goes into 18 exactly four and a half times. 4 x 4 + 2 = 18. So it should fit beautifully.

BUT IT DIDN'T!

AE (in horror): "MOTHER! I am using a RULER! But 4 x 4 + 2 is ONLY COMING OUT TO SEVENTEEN!!!!!"

Mummy: "That is impossible."

AE: "BUT IT'S TRUE! I have to add another whole inch make it fit!" She collapses, head buried in her hands, shoulders slumped, the picture of abject despair. "My world is warped . . . . Why, O Mathematics? Why must you hate me so?"

Mummy: "Are you certain you have measured your painting surface accurately?"

AE: "Of course I am! I used my 18 x 24 drawing pad as a template! I set it on my big board and traced around it to be certain I had an accurate 18 x 24 surface! And now, I CANNOT get this blasted grid to fit!" Begins pounding away on her calculator and tallying on her fingers. "It should work. It should work! Four times four plus two . . . ."

Mummy (the soul of maternal patience): "Sweetie, are you certain your drawing pad was 18 x 24?"

AE: "Of course I'm sure! I'll look again if it makes you happy . . . it's . . . oh . . . . oops . . . . uh . . . . "

Mummy: "Yes?"

AE: "It's a 19 x 24 drawing pad . . . . ."

Mystery solved.

AE: "You still love me, right?"

And I learned that the universe was not quite so warped as I feared. At least, not this time . . . .

Here's my project, gridded:

And here it is with a coat of paint:

Now, I must go cook for my coming company. Would you trust my cooking after reading this story?