|
| it seems no matter where we go or what we do, the past always follows us. of course, it can't ever be ahead of us, but in the nature of it being the past it is clear enough that the past is happening now, and to have the past not haunt us forever, we need to remember this in every action, and for every posible consequence. the biggest regret we have is the all illusive 'what if' that drives us mad. well although i have had a lot of what if scenarios, the biggest one i have hasent happened yet, but will soon if i don't go ahead with what i would do in the what if to find out. the means to go about must be precise, but open for change due to other circumstances and known truths to have been altered and not reinformed of. so i leave saying this. what if i didnt have a what if. | | |
| Being a person driven by emotions is much like being one driven by logic. You both feel uncomfortable straying from that path, but find the ability to through another. And yet when one of you regresses back and fights to hold on to their own mentality a hundred percent, it all falls apart. And when you have been stripped of either emotion or logic, you no longer have a destination to drive to, and you sit thinking that you really don' have anything left to live for unless you live as someone other than yourself. I say be yourself, and hope tommorow is better, no matter which tommorow this is. | | |
| Instability in the midst of uncertainty. A shred of light in a blinding room. Everything stacking, everything a burden, Sleep. The alternative reality. Unending patience with undying anxiety. Prayer of deliverance. Contradiction, self reflection, Pain. The escape I have lost some respect for my brother. He was supposed to have quit smoking several months ago, and Sunday night i watched as he borrowed 3 cigarrettes from his friends to smoke them to entirety. It pains me to see anyone do that to themselves and to those around them, especially one so close to me. Something needs done, but fear of confrontation leads me to avoid that conversation to either his wife or my mother. Just have to find another way to get him to stop for good. Until then, time for the alternative reality... | | |
| my computer works yay! that and all yesterday was spent with my brother and his friends mostly shooting at shit with bows and bb guns. being entirely stupid with a lawn mower and the hood of my car. thind tubing, but on land. no, i didnt get drunk, but i did have fun. still no substitute for computer, but a necessary part of it. i even got a bad sunburn, whcih pisses me off, but o well.. im tired, so back to sleep for 30 minutes b4 work. just needed to update.. | | |
| Well, due to the circumstances between my car not running yet and my parents gone this week, i am stuck with my uncle and his (essentially) wife. Greg is gone to montana so i cant get him to pull me newhere til at least sunday, and the computer i am using, at least right now, blows me hard. and as far as all the colors are conserned, you can use as much imagination as you want to try to figure out my thoguhts and feelings right now. it may or may not surprise you between whatever you come up with and the actual truth... | | |
|
