| | There is something seriously wrong with me. No, stick with me here, I mean something other than my normal strangeness.
I am experiencing wild mood swings. In the past couple years (after finalizing my divorce with idiotboy) I have slowly been building up my own self-esteem and general outlook on life. My mama taught me that if a man hits me or my kids, he's not worth my breath, but she failed to mention that I don't even -need- a man. That a man is a nice bonus in life, not a glaring necessity. Groveling to keep your man is a sure sign that he's not a good man to keep.
ANYWAY ... Once I rid myself of his last name, my life started looking up. I could tell the bill collecters that not only did idiotboy not live here, but "I don't know anybody by the name of Monica Idiotboy." Heh. I learned that I am not defined by who I marry/date unless I allow myself to do so.
Apparently I forgot some of those lessons in the past week or so. Don't go blaming  . I don't know who or what to blame, but I'm pretty sure it's not . In fact, the other day I had not accomplished something that I really wanted to get done (I dunno, the dishes, maybe the front bedroom) and got all pouty about it: "I wanted to be a -good- wife." looked at me and asked me where in the instruction manual it said a "good wife" is perfect and gets everything done without any help. Heh. It was exactly what I needed to hear at that moment, but it didn't fully clear up the cloud of ick hanging over me. I don't know what's causing this, maybe it's hormonal (I haven't had a period in 2 years, after all) maybe the biorythm thingy that was all popular in the 80's is true, and all my cycles are at the bottom right now ... But I wish I could clear it up, damnit.
I will get rid of this backache, I will get rid of this sore hip, and I WILL get rid of this ucky depressed mood. I am not worthless until I start acting like it. Blech. |
| | Posted 10/3/2002 10:43 PM - 1 view - 3 comments
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