Current mood: 
blessed
So
the past couple of weeks have been very difficult. I thought I loved
Ryan and we were engaged to get married. After 2 weeks of engagement,
he cheated on me with some bi-sexual girl and I was in the next
apartment over...dishing about how much I would miss him while he was
at basic. What happened after that is now history. Ryan was my Lesson
- I had to Learn. I've moved on with my life now. One day, that girl
is going to leave him...and he's just going to continue in that same
sick cycle. And he will start missing me and finally realize that I
was the Best thing that's ever happened to him. When that day comes
and he sees how much he actually loves me....
I'll be waking up next to the man that already knows.
I deserve a better man and I am fully aware of what all I have to offer
- and that's a lot. A man that gets me will be Very lucky....and he
will know that. I deserve a man that can and will offer me all that I
would offer to him - and I will find him. Actually....I'm going to
wait. He will find me. I deserve to be pursued. The man that treats
me like a queen will be treated like a king. You know, they say that
when you've had a bad man...it's makes you appreciate the good one.
But honestly...I think this whole ordeal has made me to appreciate and
love myself. I am strong. I am confident. I am me. I know who I am
and what I'm about. I want to leave a mark behind and not be
forgotten. I want to make a difference. I want a man who is confident
in the same. Not superficial. No lies...no bull...no games.
Honesty. Loyalty. Faithfulness. That's what I want - and I will
accept nothing less.
Some may say that's a little early for me to
think about anyone else. But I disagree. You see, I'm not wasting my
time anymore. I refuse to dwell on the past when it is only dead to
me. Of course, there are memories I will never forget and things that
will always be there. But instead of looking behind me into the
darkness - I am looking ahead into the light. *Sometimes things fall
apart so better things can fall together* You know, I went to a
wedding this weekend - one of my best friends, Ella and her man Ronny
were married. A lot of people were feeling bad for me saying things
like, "It must be hard going to this wedding so soon after your breakup
- I know you had yours almost planned." But no it's not hard. It
actually helped. You see, Ella's little sister (Meagan) came up to me
the morning of the wedding and I mentioned that a song they were using
was going to be used at my wedding...but not anymore. Meagan got this
sad look on her face and said, "Awww...Ava. I'm sorry." And gave me a
big hug. I told her that I wasn't sorry. Because the way I see it,
God saved me from a bad relationship that was not a part of His plan.
This wedding gave me hope in knowing that the best is yet to come.
Someone better is out there and they are exactly what I've dreamed of
my whole life. And I'm telling you...when they are mine - they will
know it. But then Meagan got a big smile on her face and lit up like a
Christmas tree! Lol! But that is how this all ends. The drama is
over, the pain has subsided...and the sun is peeking through the clouds
again. *I can see clearly now that the rain is gone* The winds have
calmed, the rain stopped, the thunder quieted....and all has been calm
for a few days, just like after a HUGE storm. And this weekend it
seemed that the sun shined brighter than it ever has before, flooding
into every dark space left in my heart. I cannot really explain the
peace I have now, the assurance that everything is going to be better
than ok - but wonderful, or the gratefulness I have towards God for His
strong hand in all of this. Because everywhere I look, when I look
behind me....even though I thought I couldn't see him then - He is
Everywhere. He's carried me through the night and put my feet back on
the solid ground again.
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