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Friday, May 16, 2008

High School Graduation Today, and I'm Graduation!!! Wish me luck!

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Last night I was watching a T.V show called, "INTERVENTION," and it was an episode about two identical twin girls, and one of the twins had anorexia. This girl was so THIN!!! She was 5'8" and 95lbs. She looked like a skeleton, it was aweful! I found this episode scary but true, a little triggering but interesting. I think watching this show made me think twice about what I am doing to myself, and how I don't want to go back down the road to the E.D. I don't want to get as bad as I was. I remember when I was 85 pounds, and was scared to go to sleep at night, everynight because I was scared I would die in my sleep, that my body would just shut down completely. I don't want to be like that again.
Also, after seeing this show, it made me realize that I am stronger than the E.D, and that I have control of it right now, otherwise I would've been 85pounds by now if I really wanted to listen to the E.D. Everytime I think about being 85 pounds again, the first thought that pops in my head is my bones. I already have Osteoporosis, but because I am young I can stop it from getting worse. When I feel like losing so much weight, I think to myself, "I can't lose a ton of weight anymore because if I do my bones will just get worse, and If I stop eating completely I will lose all the fat, but after losing all the fat from my body, my body will start sucking away my muscles, and I don't want that to happen because I don't want to be a hunch back at age 20. So, I need to eat healthy everyday for me, my health, and my bones.
Overall, I thought the show was a learning experience. I really got alot out of it. Has anyone else seen the show INTERVENTION, and the episode with the twin girls, and one of them has an E.D?
Much Love To All- Kari XoXoXo

Saturday, May 10, 2008

My appt. with Dr. LaHaise yesterday went really well ! We covered alot of things, mostly dealing with graduation next Friday the 16th. She really said some helpful and encouraging things to me to make me feel alittle more comfortable with the idea of graduating. I honestly don't know what I would do without her.
The whole time Dr. LaHaise was talking, I kept thinking, "Is she pregnant? She really looks pregnant. Or is is just the shirt she is wearing? She can't be pregnant because she at least looks like she is 40yrs old." LOL!!! Sure enough, she came out and said she is expecting and is due August 1st, and that she would be out of the office for a couple of weeks starting in Aug. She said she is really excited because her and her husband have been trying to have kids for awhile now, but just couldn't seem to get pregnant. But, now she finally was able to get pregnant.
At the end of my appt. she weighed me and I ended up losing 2 pounds since the last time she saw me. I am now 107lbs. I know it's only 2 pounds lost, but it's better than nothing, right? LOL!!!
So, overall, my appt. went really well !
I emailed my Art teacher about if we can keep in touch after I graduate. She said we can definitely do that . I'm happy that she actually wants to stay in touch with me. I thought forsure she wouldn't want to because I'm a handful to deal with. LOL!!! But, no, she said she would love to keep in touch, which makes me feel good because she is a good person to talk to, and she has always been there for me when I needed her the most. And, it would just be hard to say goodbye to someone like that, and never see or hear from them again.
On May 22nd, I am taking an acuplacrer test at Northland Community and Techincal College in East Grand Forks, MN. I'm still not sure whether I want to go to college or not , but I am just going to take the test anyways because my teachers, and my family wants me to.
Much Love To All - Kari XoXoXoXo

Monday, May 05, 2008

Next Friday (16th) is graduation day. I'm really not looking forward to it. I wish next Friday would never come. I wish I could just stay in high school my whole life, where it is safe. I'm scared of living on my own and having to pay bills. I'm scared of change. I'm scared to leave everything I've known for 12 years behind. I feel like I am not good at anything, and everything I do, I will end up failing at. I feel like I am not capable of making it in life. I DON'T WANT TO GRADUATE!!!
This Friday, I have an appointment with Dr. LaHaise my Psychologist. I wasn't planning on going anymore, but I thought it would be a good idea if I saw her before I graduate, so that I could get out everything I'm feeling and fearing about graduation. I'm really looking forward to my apt. with her! I really hope she has some helpful advice and words for me.
Here are some new pictures of myself, and pictures from prom:
Much Love To All -Kari XoXoXo

Thursday, April 24, 2008

I HATE MY CURVES!!!!! I want them GONE NOW!!! I just want to take a fucking knife and cut them off done to the bone. I know women are suppose to have curves. That's how we are built. But I DON'T want them! I want them GONE!!! I feel so FAT and DISGUSTING!!!