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Gauism747
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Name: Dai
Birthday: 4/18/1981
Gender: Male
Interests: Mackin...
Expertise: Pimpin...
Occupation: Retired
Industry: Entertainment
Message: message me
Member Since:
5/15/2002
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| Hello Xanga:
Haven't written in a while...Well...As most of you know...well probably everybody that reads this knows...I am moving to Hawaii in July...Dats right...Hawaii bitches!!!...SO...Apparently my birthday is coming up and some of you nukkas are gonna come and visit...Carnivore told me that I should make a list of things that I want....I don't expect people to buy me things...BUT...if you guys are so inclined to do so....I would like: PS3...a red pocket with enough money to buy a PS3...a 53-61inch flat screen 1080 tv.....a 1080 projector.....A hot ass, rich, extremely nice Taiwanese mail order bride (other nationalities are okay...Eng. is not a pre-req....BUT...must be hot, rich and extremely nice) ******Biggest pre-req of them all....Mail order bride MUST be able to dance ********...hmmmm....dunno...not really big on gifts...
Aiight...SO...to carry on from my last xanga entry from oh so long ago....let's talk about a bad day taking public transportation....(two different days actually)....okay...in the morning...I'm pretty chill...just looking for a relaxing commute to work...I can mind being crammed up with people....I can stand a lot of things....I just listen to my beats and I'm koo...SO...this one day as I'm crammed up with all these people I was getting a lil annoyed...people were pushing each other and dumb ass people were being diicks and all this shit...whatever...I had tupac playin and there were some girls wearing Love spell...coupla girls were pretty cyoot....so I was like...whatever...I'm not gonna start shit in the morning....But then the train fuhkin stops....shit is just sitting there stuck for a good 10 minutes...it's fuhkin getting hot with all those heads in the train....no ventilation...shit was wack...Love spell was having a battle with BO....and BO was about to get a ko...Then all of a sudden...TAT TAT TAT BOOM!!!....Like a freakin machine gun drive-by...this girl let out a monstrous fart...her butt cheeks clapping from the force of the gas being expelled from her colon made everybody know what was up...I was like....DAMN....girl got problems....then....give it some time....1....2....3....4.....OH....FUHK ME!!!....shit smelled like rotten eggs mixed with hippo shit....Then from another area of the train I hear....PFFFBBBBBBTTTTTTT!!!!...Some other girl decided to join in the gaseous chemical warfare....This fart made rotten eggs mixed with hippo shit smell like fresh laundry after the dry cycle using two bounty fabric softener sheets with febreeze....and yes....There was a third fart....people were coughing and gagging....shit was horrible....SO....to recap....I had cyoot girls....letting out heinous gases mixing with love spell and BO....the train didn't start moving for another 20 min....one girl probably just had to fart really bad....one girl probably soiled herself during the 1/2 hr wait....and one girl probably blew a hole in her panties.......so for all you ignorant males who don't think girls fart or shit....take it from me....they do it with the best of'em...and yes...your mother counts as a female...she is not exempt...
Onto another bad day....SO...this is coming home from work now....at every T station...after you get off the train...there's always an escalator that takes you up to the streets....after a long days of work...I often reward myself with riding the escalator (as if my fat ass would ever take the stairs...)...As you know...the escalator is electronic and once you hop on you can get to the top without even moving...shit does the work for you....apparently not everybody has gotten that memo...instead of walking up the stairs like everbody else who wants to walk does...there are morons who decide to walk up the escalator....I know...walking on an escalator...oxymoron....but whatever...I've grown accustomed to this mentally retarded group of people...and it's okay...I can educate them...I teach special ed after all...So whatever...I stay towards the right side of the escalator and people who want to want try their best to turn to the side and get by me...SOH...one glorious day...this bitch trying to get by me purposely decides to bump me...I turn around and say quite perturbed...Excuse me!!!....she eloquently replied....move out da way....I politely replied...fuhk you...you wanna walk...take the damn stairs....she retaliated...people can walk on the escalators too....then I calmly explained...Bitch...I'm all done talking to you because you fuhkin ugly ( yes I understand her hideousness had nothing to do with the argument....but it was tru....she so ugly....when she was born...her mom asked god for a refund.....yay yo mama jokes)....then she replied with no words at all....just this..."oh no he didn't...but I have no comeback" look....then in response to her awestruck look...I brought da dagger out...how deep did I stab her?...shit...I deep dug dat dagger in her...write this down guys....I said....bitch...I may be fat...but I can lose weight....but you....you fuhkin ugly...no plastic surgeon in the world can help you wit dat....then we hit the top of her stairs...then she started lookin at her man....like she wanted him to do something to me.....nigga was 5'8 125 at most....tiny lil guy....nigga just wanted to run da hell away....I know what he was thinking....why da hell am I with this ugly bitch....she about to get me killed.......but whatever....I knew the guy just wanted to bizounce so I just let it be at that.......I know....fuhkin people right....shiiiiiiiieeeeeetttt....
Quote of the day: Carnivore, " but that's a double standard"....Richie and I, "hell yah there's a double standard".....Carnivore, "I hate you guys".....
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| Hello Xanga:
Well Xanga, many people have preached to me that you are no longer alive, but dead to the world. Well, I'd like to state that this Xanga may have been dead, but I will resurrect this blog up from the ashes and into the hearts of all my avid readers. I mean hell, all you have to do is click the link in my buddy info...Facebook and MySpace can lick my hemorrhoidial ass (there's a good one for your English class Jonathan...).
I'm pretty sure if you know me, then you know I abhor public transportation. The school I teach at is literally a 13 minute drive away, but there is no parking. Thus, I am forced to relinquish 2 1/2 hours of my life to Ma. public transportation. I guess it isn't as bad as I thought it'd be. Once I got into a rhythm...things have been aiight. But just to give you idea of how things are...I'll give you a good day on the train and a bad day on the train.
Good day first. The Tuesday before thanksgiving seemed like any other Tuesday. I was assed out because it was right after the weekend of my boi's wedding. I don't always get a seat riding the train on the way home from work. I usually have my headphones on and my hood on so I'm pretty much oblivious to my surroundings. So I was sitting there doing my thang and then somebody sat next to me. It was a couple of stops before I even looked up. I pulled out my mp3 player to change the song and In the corner of my eye I saw the magazine the person next to me was reading. It was an ad with a model standing next to a Honda civic. I saw the pic and I kinda snickered (because everybody who knows should know I hate korean cars and honda). I felt the girl look at me but I didn't look back. They had the heat jacked on the train so I started to get hot. I brushed my hood off and once again caught a glimpse of the magazine. Shit was still on the same ad. Thinking wtf, I took a quick glance of the person sitting next to me. First glance was a break my neck snapping it back for a double take solid 8.0. After taking another look 8.7 on the Barbarian scale. It didn't take too long for the rusted gears in my head to start cranking on overdrive, but the girl sitting next to me was the model in the Honda advertisement. Nosy me...I just had to say something. I'm not a smooth guy...just a blunt asshole. I said to her....don't get me wrong...you look gorgeous in the ad, but why Honda? She looked at me and told me it was the oddest pick-up line she's ever gotten. Then I kindly told her...Oh, I'm not trying to pick you up, I just hate Honda. She laughed and told me that was the second oddest line she's ever gotten. Then of course she started talking about how she hated how she looked in the pic, and how everything is airbrushed....and dahda dahda dah (ie. etc.). Like a good man is supposed to, I reassured her that she looks better in real life anyways. Then my mp3 player played this Brazilian song my old boss told me d/l and this girl went crazy...She was like...omg, I love that song...I didn't know you knew Portuguese. I told her I didn't, but I knew a lot of Brazilians and Portuguese people. Then she asked me what I did for a living and I told her I was a special ed teacher and tears almost ran down her eyes. She informed me that her nephew had Autism and she had been trying to get her whole family into the states. We had the same stop so she asked me if she could buy me a coffee. Hmm...Brazilian Supermodel wants to buy me a coffee...I mean...I gotta go home, take a shit, watch some cartoons...I'm a busy man...but fiiiiiine...I'll let her hollah at me. So, we get into Godzilla and we go to Dunkin Doughnuts ( I know...very romantic...Shit was the closest...leave me alone). Then she talks about her nephew and this and that...her trials and tribulations as a model. She wants to know about my job...dahda dahda dah...Then I take her back to her hotel....I know...all you niggas goin....OHHHH SHITTTTT...But no...I did not delve into any of my XXXXxxxXXXX-rated Brazilian Supermodel fantasies. This is where I let down a lot of my bois. But whatever...I just couldn't...This girl wanted to marry me...have my babies...and bring her family into the states.....I know I know...What's the problem...WELL...my bois from highschool know. I've had this nightmare since I was a kid. It has to do with Cindy Crawford. Pretty looking girl right...WELL...in my nightmare...something something something happens....and then BAM....all these worms and maggots start crawling out of her "money-maker" mole and start devouring me. Shit has scarred me...and YES...This Brazilian Supermodel had a Cindy Crawford mole.......Fuhk That said me...And who am I to tell a self-conscience supermodel that she needs to have plastic surgery to remove that damn mole. I could scar her for life...she could get really depressed and go on eating binges and get to the weight of the average human...I mean shit, I don't want to be the one that ruins her career...even though it's not a very good one modeling for fuhkin Honda...Even though women have broken my heart many a times...I will not stoop down so low as to shatter the life of a Brazilian Supermodel......SO...at the entrance to the hotel, she grabbed my crotch and kissed me......hmmm...So this girl was about 6'1 in heels....her leaning down to kiss me, and then bending her legs down so she could reach my crotch...just a taaaaaaaaaaaad awkward. Not to be crude...I dunno...but SOMEHOW...As if a jedi mind trick was uncontrollably pulling my appendages to her; my left hand slid onto her right butt cheek and my right hand grasped her left breast...When I came to...I backed away and told her sincerely that she deserved better than me (In all reality...who da fuhk is better than me?!?...but she deserves at least someone who isn't repulsed by her mole)...it was great meeting her, and that I'd look for her ads in other magazines...even if she does more for Honda...I also gave her my email telling her she could ask me any questions about her nephew (of course I gave her the wrong one...can't have a Brazilian Supermodel going psycho bitch on me...). Thinking back now...getting rejected by a 5'6 275lb East Island Pacificer....not so good for the ego....but whatever...we left of good terms...When I left, she had this smile on her face that told me that she knew that it wasn't her, it wasn't me...it just wasn't meant to be....
Okay...I gotta go shit and get ready for V-ball...I'll write about the Bad train ride when I get back...
Quote of the day: "..." think of one later...I gotta go...
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| Hello Xanga:
Yah...I'm back!!! I really don't know why I'm starting my xanga up again, but why not eh. Every once in a while I have an amusing story to tell...so why not eh...
SO...this is awesome....My cousin Jonathan is an English teacher out in the land of the rising sun (...Japan niggas...Japan)...So, he's been using my xanga entry about that bitch stealing my corn as a contemporary English conversation piece to teach his class. He was particularly analyzing my broad range of usages for the word, "shit." I would love to hear 50 year old Japanese men and women talk about constipated whale poo and trying to say mahfahkah...good times...
Well, this year has been...interesting I guess. I switched jobs...yup yup...new job is good...whole lot of vacations in public school...I'm working with kindergarteners now...It's a good change I guess...things aren't much easier...just different...like this one student of mine....he loves to climb on me...I'll let that go for a lil bit...but then he'll climb all the way to the top of my head and lay there and do....something inappropriate......the first time he did it....another teacher in the room saw it...and his face went pale in shock.....the lil bugger climbed to the top of my head...when I thought he was just laying there....he was actually humping the top of my dome...I dunno...
Crap...I'm assed out...I'll write more of my comeback latah...
Thoughts: I've gone with my head before and that didn't work...I've gone with my heart before and that sure as fuhk didn't work...one time my head and my heart agreed with each other, but they were both miserably wrong...as the Barbarian Horde has reminded me...there's something else I can go with...here's a hint...it's down south...but he'll probably get me into the most trouble of all...
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| Hello Xanga:
Soh...The dude got demoted...he's no longer store manager, he's like produce manager er something...Soh, atleast they did something about it...( I never really expected to get him fired anyways...but...whatever)...They gave me a 20 dollar certificate as well...People tellin to boycott that place and this and that...why?!?...it be the closest grocery market to me...it's open 24/7...I'm not gonna let one person ruin my shopping experience...I dun blame the organization for one man's ignorance...I'll just beat the shit outta him if I ever see him out in da streets...Yo...seriously though...If some lady is gonna take corn outta mah shit...you guys can't leave shit in your carts...ie...cellphones, purses, keys....whatever....dun leave them in your carts...dun turn your backs on that shit...There was a buy one lb get one lb free sale on sirloin steak the other day...you bettah believe I was bear hugging that shit...fuhkin grillin every person that was within 5 ft of me..." You're too close man "...
On a sadder note...I got promoted at work...sux...now I dun get sat, sun and monday off anymore....I work sun - thurs and get friday and sat off...that'll be startin in sept...no more overnights either....ah well...Aiight...that's all I got fer now...
Quote of the day: " Cause I spit hot fire "...LOL...this just happend...I told my roomate, " what?!?...suck my diick bitch ".....she replies..." what?!? suck my clit mahfahkah "....LOL...see...we get along just fine...
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| Hello Xanga:
Soh, This totally pissed me off...I swear...this world is going to shit...or maybe it's just that Boston blows big chunks of constipated whale poo...People are just soh disappointing...all of you are askin...what happened Marshal? Well lemme tell yah...I was shoppin at mah local overpriced grocery store today and finally there's a sale on corn on the cobb...I've been waitin fer this shit fer a year now...13 fer 2 bucks...I know...good deal right?....SOH...I'm bustin mah ass at the corn bin lookin fer corn that hasn't been half eatin by rodents and not all mushy and shit...well...I understood why the shit was onsale...it took forever just to find a decent ear of corn...but...mah ass was determined to eat freakin corn damn it...soh finally I filly up a bag of good corn...7 in that bag...put it in mah cart and I continued on to find 6 more...I see this lady walkin around the produce section...common lookin...nothin sketchy...I keep goin with mah shit...not payin too much attention to anything but pickin mah corn...I hear a rustle behind me...I finish cleanin the corn...I turn around and mah corn isn't in mah cart...I was soh freakin pissed...I start runnin around lookin fer mah bag of corn...and that fuhkin lady had it...I was like...excuse me...why did you take mah corn...she's all like...I don't know what you're talking about...I picked this corn myself...I was like...stop lyin...gimme mah corn and we'll pretend this shit never happened...then a worker comes over and starts tellin me to calm down and shit....I was like...mahfahkah...slow your role...this lady stole mah corn...out of my cart...and he's all like...let me get my manager sir and whatnot...I was like...you do that...This fuhkin lil ass bald white guy walks over and is all like...soh lemme get this straight...you're accusing this woman of taking corn out of your cart...that's ridiculus......I was soooohhh fuhkin pissed...I was like...first off...watch your mouth...secondly...you need to back da fuhk up...I looked at the lady and said...tell me how many ears of corn in that bag?...She's like...I don't have to answer that...I was like...just say how many...she's like...the sale is for 13 for 1.99 so I obviously got 13 ears...I was like...you lyin fuhkin bitch...there's onlee 7 in that bag...and I have the other 6 in mah cart if somebody else hasn't stolen those already...I take the bag outta her cart....and would yah believe it...there were 7 of them....Then I yelled...Fuhk all of you...you racist mahfahkahs...I HATE THIS PLACE!!! Hawaii is lookin soh damn good right now....Hawaii '08...who's movin wit me?!?
Quote of the day: After everything...I said to the manager " You better go apply with cvs while they're still hiring...cause I'm gonna get your ass fired..." ...Meeting...1pm tomorrow with the district manager...LET'S GO!!!
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