the young boy, eager to grow up, waits at the curb...

thoughts tumble in his mind, his heart races with multiple thumps.

suddenly, his heart skips...why?

his date has arrived

...the first words out of his mouth are:

"careful you, make sure you don't trip"

after a half week of contemplation i have determined that there are two basic philosophies towards living life...

The first philosophy is to have a set of values that are ranked by matter of importance.  These values are prioritized by importance to self and decisions are made according the value that will be fufilled (higher ranked values have more weight in decision making)...

The second philosophy is to have a set of values that hold equal weight to each other.  Decisions are made based on maximizing the amount of values that can be fufilled through the decisions made.  The best decision is one that will accomplish all the values within a set amount of time.

....The person who choses the first philosophy will live self-contented in the choices he/she makes.

....The person who choses the 2nd philosophy is more likely to acheive success, but is also more likely to look back on his/her life with regret.

which philosophy do i live by?

...at the moment, i choose the philosophy of idle contemplation

 i recently listened to snoop's PAID THE COST TO BE THE BOSS.

and the verdict is:

sad, sad, sad

snoop used to rap about bitches, 40s, and fat juicy blunts

now he raps about lost love, wanting love, and finding love

...WTF IS UP WITH DAT???

he's got a few songs that are bout straight pimping and there's a few bright spots on the album:

lollipop, beautiful, hourglass, boss playa are at least half way decent

...other than that though, this album is less than crap

...i dunno, maybe snoop matured or maybe his soberity has let to a soberity from creativity.

maybe he's really lookin for love...

...or maybe its because when you're the boss, you just don't got it in you to stay on top  

<<<FREE AT LAST!!! <<<FREE AT LAST!!!

lessons learned from the last two weeks of being locked up in a cage with nowhere to go:

1) You have to lose yourself completely to find yourself again...

2) If you do lose yourself completely you might never be able to find yourself again...

-The only thing you can really do is be true to your heart and mind

so speak up...

why?

...you might just find out that you're wrong

Today, i had my first revelation in a very very long time...

For the past 19 years of my life, i have been a complete dick..an asshole to be despised and looked down upon

i have hated my family, my friends, and my life...

They have given me everything, but i often given them nothing in return...

the reason for this is that for my whole life, i have always felt manipulated and controlled...

...no one has ever told me to simply be myself

thus, in trying to figure things out on my own, i became very bitter at the world...

i have tried to live my life through pain, because i never knew what it was like to be loved...

...

so, to everyone i have hurt...i say this

i'm sorry

...i just ask you to forgive me yourself if you can

because today, for the first time in my life...i can honestly say that i am in love with myself

ch ch ch....yeAAAAH!