Currently Reading Persuasion (Signet Classic) By Jane Austen see related

Wow, it's been almost forever since I have been on this thing.  I totally forgot I even had this thing.  Now that I have no friends and no boyfriend, I may have to devote my life to Xanga.  It's not like I will have anything better to do.

I'm not sure how much I should reveal about my current life situation but I need to get it out into the universe somehow so here it goes.  My boyfriend of a year and a half and I just broke up.  While he will tell you it was a mutual decision, it was really all my idea.  I was a little sad that it all had to end but I'm trying to do what is best for me.  Unfortunately I met someone who could possibly be the most perfect person for me.  Almost like a soulmate.  We are so compatible it was kind of scary.  I'm convinced he is the kind of person I could actually care about.  The only problem is he is unavailable.  He keeps telling me that he is not looking for a commitment.  He says he doesn't want a relationship.  However, the look in his eyes tell me something different.  The way he acts around me tells me something different.  I'm a really big on the whole action-speaks-louder-than-words thoery.  But I'm just not sure I want to put myself in s situation where I could get really hurt.  On the other hand, I feel something between us that I have never felt for another person before.  I don't think I can ignore such a connection.  Should I just be bold and say to him: I know you feel the same way I do and it doesn't matter how complicated our lives are.  This feeling is something we need to grab on to and see where it takes us.  Because we could possibly belong together and to let anything get in the way of this could ruin our lives?

Could I possibly be more confused?

WHAT IS YOUR NAME?: Astrid
SINGLE OR TAKEN?: Taken

BIRTHDAY?:  April 28
ZODIAC SIGN?: Taurus

AGE?: too damn old

HAIR?: naturally brown, currently red
WHERE DO YOU LIVE?: somewhere on the huge planet we all live on
WHAT ARE YOU DOING RIGHT NOW?: taking this survey
WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU DID?: stare at my phone in the hopes that it would ring...no such luck.

WHAT IS RIGHT NEXT TO YOU: my little sister, she's asleep.
WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU ATE OUT WITH?: my boyfriend and most of his family

IF U WERE A TOY, WHAT WOULD YOU BE?: Gothic Puerto Rican Barbie

WHERE WOULD YOU WANT TO GO ON YOUR HONEYMOON?:
it wouldn't really matter as long as I'm with my true love
WHO WOULD YOU WANT TO SPEND THE REST OF YOUR LIFE
WITH?: Danny
HOWS THE WEATHER RIGHT NOW?: hot
LAST PERSON YOU TALKED ON THE PHONE WITH?: Danny

LAST PERSON WHO TEXT YOU: Danny
LAST PERSON YOU TEXT: Danny...I'm beginning to think I need to get me some friends
DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? I cheated and copied it from someone's site
WHAT DO YOU THINK A TOBLERONE IS?: an idiots way of saying trombrone

WHAT R U WEARING RIGHT NOW?: clothes

DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?: no

WHO DO CONSIDER YOUR CLOSEST/BESTEST FRIEND?: Danny...once again I'm thinking I need more friends
WHAT WAS THE BEST ADVICE EVER GIVEN TO YOU?: Everything happens for a reason

DO U OWN A VEHICLE?: yes
HAVE YOU EVER WON A SPECIAL AWARD?: no

WHAT ARE YOUR FUTURE PLANS?: living through the night
FAVORITE FOOD?: don't really have a favorite
FAVORITE FILM: I have a whole bunch

LAST FILM YOU SAW AT CINEMA?: The Perfect Man

FAVE BOYS COLOGNE: Axe deodorant body spray
DO YOU LIKE TO DANCE?: yeah
ARE YOU T OO SHY TO ASK ANYONE OUT?: no
IF YOU COULD CHANGE YOUR NAME TO ANYTHING, WHAT WOULD IT BE?: Akasha

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN LOVE?:  Several times

WHAT IS THE MOST STUPID THING YOU HAVE EVER DONE?: Depends on the day, but I would have to say telling someone I didn't care about I would marry them.


DO YOU LIKE SCARY OR HAPPY MOVIES?: scary
CHRISTMAS OR EASTER: neither
LUST OR LOVE?: love
KISSES OR HUGS?:  kisses and groping
WHAT COLOR ARE YOUR PAJAMAS: depends on which ones you wanna know about


WHAT COLOR'S YOUR TOOTHBRUSH?: white and some funky green color
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS QUIZ?: helps pass the time

DO U WANT UR FRIENDS TO WRITE BACK?: I don't have any friends remember?

WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD: When he doesn't call me
WHATS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE UP?: What time is it? 

ROLLER COASTER, SCARY OR WICKED??: Scary, don't do them

HOW MANY TIMES DO YOU LET THE PHONE RING BEFORE YOU ANSWER IT?: my phone doesn't ring, it plays music

IF YOU COULD MEET ONE PERSON, DEAD OR ALIVE, WHO WOULD IT BE?: Benji Madden

IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB IN THE WORLD WHAT WOULD IT BE: whatever pays me alot of money to do next to nothing 
IS THE GLASS HALF EMPTY OR HALF FULL?:  mainly half full
WHATS YOUR FAVE NUMBER?: 5
CHOCOLATE OR WHITE MILK?: white
ROOT BEER OR DOCTOR PEPPER?: neither
MUD OR JELLY WRESTLING? mud

SKIING OR BOARDING? boarding
DAY OR NIGHT? night

SUMMER OR WINTER?: at my age, it doesn't really matter

SILVER OR GOLD?: white gold
DIAMONDS OR PEARLS?: diamonds
SUNRISE OR SUNSET?: sunset

HAVE YOU EVER BROKEN A BONE?:  no
DO YOU WEAR RINGS?: yes
DO YOU HATE ANYONE : I try not to but yes
ARE YOU LOUD OR QUIET: depends on the day

What is Borderline Personality Disorder?

Quick Summary:

Borderline personality disorder is characterized by mood instability and poor self-image. People with this disorder are prone to constant mood swings and bouts of anger. Often, they will take their anger out on themselves, causing injury to their own body. Suicidal threats and actions are not uncommon. Borderlines think in very black and white terms and often form intense, conflict-ridden relationships. They are quick to anger when their expectations are not met.

Symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder:

• Self-injury or attempted suicide
• Strong feelings of anger, anxiety, or depression that last for several hours
• Impulsive behavior
• Drug or alcohol abuse
• Feelings of low self-worth
• Unstable relationships with friends, family, and boyfriends/girlfriends

Additional Information:

Borderline personality disorder was so-named because it was originally thought to be at the "borderline" of psychosis. The disorder is relatively common, affecting 2% of adults. Women are much more likely to suffer borderline than men. Nearly 20% of psychiatric hospitalizations are due to borderline. With treatment, patients are often able to see their symptoms improve.

Treatment involves therapy in which the patient learns to talk through his or her feelings rather than unleashing them in destructive and self-defeating ways. Medication may be helpful, and treatment of any alcohol or substance abuse issues is required. Brief hospitalization is sometimes required, especially in cases involving psychotic episodes or suicide threats or attempts.

Currently Listening The Perfect Man By Original Soundtrack see related

- I Will Learn To Love Again - Kaci -

A lot has happened since my post in February.  I did leave my fiance in February, taking my possessions and the car, which he gave me a couple of days before I left, to my mother's house to begin my life anew.  I most likely should have spent my new found singledom looking for a better job, my own place, and new things to fill up all the time I now had on my hands.  But instead, I tried jumping into another relationship.  His name is Danny and he is my current boyfriend.  I met him when I first started working at Kmart.  I worked in the electronics department and he worked in the pantry department.  My register faced the juice aisle.  When we first met, I thought he was a total snob.  To this day, I don't know why I thought that of him, but I remember being really mean to him when he tried to tell me a joke.  Even though I was really mean to him, I still found him to be really attractive and immediately fell into infatuation with him.  Slowly, I tried to be friends with him and get to know him.  I soon realized that he was really shy and quiet, the exact opposite of me.  However, I did not give up trying to get close to him.  Throughout this time, my relationship with my fiance started to fall apart.  He informed me that he did not want to marry me anytime soon and we started to go our separate ways.  I became more and more engrossed in work, i.e. getting close to Danny.  At this point, it was quite obvious to everyone but him that I was completely in love with him.  Infatuation had left the building a long time ago.  Yet while everyone else seemed to know about my feelings for him, he was still quite in the dark.  So I told him.  I didn't use the L word at the time, I just told him I liked him.  Months go by and all he tells me is that he does not return the feelings.  But I still did not give up.  Looking back, it might have been a good idea to have given up, but I'm not the smartest woman when it comes to matters of the heart.  When my fiance and I broke up, I saw it as the perfect opportunity to approach Danny about a relationship.  Things didn't go exactly as I planned, like they never do.  On March 3, we started dating.  The next day, Danny informed me that he did not want to continue our "relationship".  I was his first girlfriend and he did not think he was ready for a relationship.  I cried, of course, and he apologized and asked me to take him back.  This happened twice and both times I took him back.  After the second time, he promised to never do that to me again, and so far he has kept his promise.  We had a rocky start, with his indesiciveness to continue our relationship to my desire to drink heavily at bars that led to the hugest mistake in my life.  Since then, I have stopped drinking so much when I'm out with friends and he has since realized how much he cares about me.  So far, everything is going really great.  I don't get to see him as often as I like, but we talk quite a bit on the phone and we text each other when we are unable to talk.  I usually see him on his days off.  He is my heart.  I don't know what I would be doing if I hadn't met him.