Thursday, December 09, 2004

  • It's time for "Entity Humor"! My brother and I have a running inside joke about answering machine messages. It happened about a year ago; this lady from an insurance firm called me for an interview. I wasn't there, so she left the details on the answering machine After about a minute of calm details in her "40-year old executive voice", she started speaking in a high-pitched, nervous, 20-something voice, repeating details, and not making much sense. I think the time it was taking to give the details unnerved her.

    So ever since then, we like to joke whenever one of us is leaving a message or listening to a message. The formula goes a little like this. Suppose I am calling some girl for a meeting at church; Nick babbles as follows in the background, pretending that this is what I'm really saying, while I try not to crack up and sound appropriately manly and mature. So Nick would say something like this--the vocal inflections/emotions are in parentheses...

    "Hello, Suzy, my name is John Entity, at 333-333-3333, and I'd like to remind you of our Christian fellowship meeting tomorrow. And...I...(starts getting nervous, high pitch in voice, make embarrassing revelation about childhood) just wanted to say that I've had a crush on 5'2 girls with blond hair and glasses since I was 13, and...(make off-the-wall comparison or analogy to some book) you remind me of Florence Nightingale because of the way you keep company with the crazy sick girls in our group, and (make outrageous invitation based on the analogy that sounds creepy) I wanted to visit you in the hospital, (try to fix it) I mean study the Bible, (finally sound normal) I mean go out to eat sometime.....(relief starts to be heard, maybe this isn't so much of a disaster and it's a good thing I admitted my crush) you're in the nursing school right? (panic: I only know that because I looked her up in school directory!) Oh wait, I don't know that in real life, (the killer "I'm even worse than you think" hint is coming) I just know that in stalkerland...I mean,  from Judy! (Actually, this would be true; amazingly, I may survive...) Judy told me, and you live just a block from me...err, I mean, I saw you one day walking there (even worse, reinforce stalker comment beyond a doubt) and, uh...(one final little mistake to top it off) see you in the emergency room, I mean, the meeting! (hang up abruptly).

Comments (7)

  • OH MY GOODNESS!!!! LAUGHING SO HARD CAN'T STAND IT!!!!

  • LSHCSI ^ I will use that from now on and no one will understand it. kudos.

    I went back through and read all of you sin posts. They're pretty good and insightful and stuff. Thanks for writing them. Much better than your fashion critique :op

  • Since you had the audacity to post twice in one day, I'm reposting my previous comment so no one will be deprived of the wisdom leaking, dripping, and flowing from my Times New Roman font...

    <TABLE class=blogbody cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=1 width="100%" border=0> <TBODY> <TR> <TD width="5%"> <TD vAlign=top> Be not a hearer of the word, but a doer: therefore, you should obey and take care of me, your poor, retarded, physically weak brother.  Cash donations are acceptable.  It's rather interesting to realize that God will turn away from someone foremost because he's arrogant, not because he's gay.  WWFONTFD?  (What Would Focus on the Family Do?)  It takes so little effort to judge people when they talk with a lisp and wear tight leather pants--you don't even have to get near them, and none of the Christians you fellowship with do things like THAT.  It's quite another thing to see in sinners traits that you yourself have not adequately nailed to the cross.
  • Yet again, portions of the entity have made my morning...er, afternoon, a ROFL fest.  Good thing everyone else is off doing their thing, or...they'd be seriously disturbed byt the state in which I was/am in reading this.  Oh dear.  I must admit...that'd be annoying (hilarious, but annoying).  I'd have to either smack him or always leaves messages behind closed doors.  Good one.
  • ha ha ha ha, ah the memories, when i first read that i thought u were going to discuss how u tempt us into a trap, "Hey dan there's a message on the answereing machine for you"
  • hahaha, that's hilarious!

    thanks for your comment. I was more referring to my instinctual desire for a mate in that post, but your comments are also relevant. It helps to put things in perspective and know that serving is a gift we can bless others with.
  • excellent!
    too bad my sister would get peeved beyond belief if I tried something like that.

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