i got back from bangladesh on the 29th of june...i've been lazy about blogging...lol

so bangladesh turned out to be way better than i expected...the language problem actually wasn't a problem at all...and it was good seeing people who love you, despite not seeing you for most of the time...i actually cried on my way back....

but otherwise...i don't really know how to describe everything...it almost felt like i was still in the US, although everything is totally foreign...i took plenty of pictures that i will post as soon as my uncle gets back with his digital camera which i used....cause i don't have my own...cause my mommy and daddy won't let me work...........

so i've spent the last few weeks just around the house...studying a little for the psat and for IB English...oh boy i still haven't figured out how to analyze that short story yet...

for me, summer is the most emotional season....i left my childhood forever in the summer...it's when school is out and i am free of the daily routine that imprisons me...it's my time to be carefree...and i can even sense it in the atmosphere.....this feeling of liberation...of a natural beauty...

during the next two years while school is on...i'll just keep the mindset...that's it's still summer..even when it snows....that way i will always feel calm and relaxed....

we leave tomorrow at midnight...i really don't want to go...

i borrowed four books from the library yesterday to bring with me...two SAT and PSAT prep books...one history book that we read pamphlets of in history last year (it makes it sound so long ago)...and a spanish book to help me prep for next year....

i was hoping to get some fiction books too...like Angels and Demons..Misganaye told me it was way better than the Da Vinci Code....and maybe a few classics like 1984 or Animal Farm...stuff that i haven't had time to read

so after i posted i watched mtv, mtv2, vh1, and saturday night live till 2 am....felt good...and i can't believe on what i was missing out on...

Friday, saw the Da Vinci Code with Misganaye!! we had a lot of fun, but Dilreet and Tani couldn't make it...but the movie mostly kept with the book and it was pretty good overall. it was great just getting out of the house for once...we bought so much food...and we took pictures in a booth..

after all this i finally feel like a bona fide teenager...

then we went to go see Rafik's uncle's family...they don't seem related to him..but whatever...

and then yesterday all we did was shop...i got new sunglasses..i didn't really have any before...

and today i'm just enjoying living on American soil and breathing American air before i leave tomorrow...

well mehjubeen's family dropped in unexpectedly...felt pretty stupid....cause i was in sloppy mode...lol

it's the last day of school...

i don't know what to feel...

it didn't feel like the end...it still doesn't...i guess it's not...

but i'll never have this routine again...

first period math....small, quiet, and a little awkward....

second period history...where everyone just goofed off....

third period english...ms. smith whom everyone hated but i liked her...she saved my grade

fourth period spansh...ms. eichorn is so eccentric but i like her..i. learned a lot too...i felt bad for skipping her class...

fifth period health..and then art...good classes...i loved the conversations i had with my posse..lol

sixth period science....learned a lot in there too..it was little awkard having an indian teacher but she's nice...

i miss having that routine...just seeing my friends and being the way i was/am...

confused?

this whole year..i've come really far...and i've gotten really used to it....waiting late for my dad to pick me up..the school building ...i dunno how to describe it...and now i don't know what to do....ugh...

i hate staying at home..

and then i'm going to stupid Bangladesh for a freakin month..ugh i hate this....i'll try as best as i can to up date this....and email my friends too...

"cyber cafes"....

huh...

i don't want to sleep...i don't want this day to be over...

it didn't seem real till after school...

i'm going to miss all my friends...and they're all so dear to me i really mean it...we had a lot of great times....oh well

the last few days have been very stress filled...

there was my math final...which if i didn't get an almost perfect score on i would get a b on my report card..hence screwing up my 4.0 gpa...

i literally prayed for a miracle..and studied like crazy....like the whole time i'm serious...

and despite the sins i've commited...i received that miracle....Allah is truly great....Allahu Akbar!

i wish i wasn't so stupid..like in every way...

it wasn't just the automatic extra credit and the generous curve on the final...

it was mr. herrington setting the range for an A in his class from 89.5% upwards...my grade was exactly 89.5%...

it was ms. smith talking to people from IB about giving me an A despite my C on the apartheid essay....cause i work so hard otherwise and was only .5% off....

that's a real miracle....

i don't want reality to become just a mental picture

i don't want to be a bad person anymore

ok so this is what happened on sunday...it was at this incredibly dull get-together at this motel that my dad's friend bought...i've basically told the same story to all my friends like at least ten times today...so rather than repeat myself..i'll just paste the last conversation i had online.....

galibm2004: hey

Auto response from BengaliTigress1: homework...too much...

BengaliTigress1: sorry
BengaliTigress1: yeah
galibm2004: sup
BengaliTigress1: OH MY GOD
BengaliTigress1: i have to tell you what happened yesterday
BengaliTigress1: UGH
BengaliTigress1: i'm SO ANGRY
galibm2004: what
BengaliTigress1: i've told this story like twenty times today....
BengaliTigress1: ok...
BengaliTigress1: so yesterday there was this party that you didn't go to cause your stupid...lol..no
BengaliTigress1: you were at that birthday party ...
BengaliTigress1: so.....
galibm2004: ya
BengaliTigress1: no one there is my age...
BengaliTigress1: i'm just sitting there...
BengaliTigress1: and this FAG of an old lady walks in...
BengaliTigress1: and i recognize her from this party at thaseen's house freshman year..
BengaliTigress1: i'm like oh disgusting...
BengaliTigress1: cause at the time she was looking for a wife for her grown son...
BengaliTigress1: and she was like...looking at the girls our age....including ME
BengaliTigress1: disgusting..
galibm2004: haha
BengaliTigress1: so i'm sitting there..
galibm2004: that's hella funny
BengaliTigress1: and then she starts looking at me
BengaliTigress1: and i'm like holy shit...
BengaliTigress1: go look somewhere else bitch..
BengaliTigress1: i'm so ticked..
galibm2004: haah
BengaliTigress1: and then she asks who's daughter is that
BengaliTigress1: and your mom and my mom are right next to her..
BengaliTigress1: and your mom says oh it's hers...
BengaliTigress1: i'm like crap....
BengaliTigress1: ugh
BengaliTigress1: i hate you fag...
BengaliTigress1: so then i go somewhere with my sister...
BengaliTigress1: trying to get the HELL away from HER...
galibm2004: ahha
BengaliTigress1: and then i come back to eat.....
BengaliTigress1: and she keeps looking at me...
BengaliTigress1: it'd kinda hard to tell when she is ...cause her stupid eyes are so squinty...
BengaliTigress1: then i leave and walk around again..
BengaliTigress1: cause i don't have anything better to do...
BengaliTigress1: and after a few hours i see the frog lady again....
BengaliTigress1: and she comes up to me...all old lady like and shit...
BengaliTigress1: and she asks what my dad's name is...
galibm2004: wow
BengaliTigress1: i'm like get the hell away from me bitch
galibm2004: i've never seen u cuss so much
galibm2004: it's funny
BengaliTigress1: i'm provoked
galibm2004: haha
BengaliTigress1: anyways
BengaliTigress1: i say my dad? what...? in english
BengaliTigress1: just to like repel her
BengaliTigress1: like the fly she is..
BengaliTigress1: and then we leave eventually
BengaliTigress1: and i tell my mom
BengaliTigress1: that old lady next to you was staring at me....
BengaliTigress1: i hate her she's a freak
BengaliTigress1: i say that
BengaliTigress1: and she's like..yeah i got away from her too
BengaliTigress1: and then we get home...
BengaliTigress1: and apparently my mom told my dad...
BengaliTigress1: and he's like so what did that lady ask you....
BengaliTigress1: and my mom's like be quiet! all loud...
BengaliTigress1: and then he's like i'm just kidding....
BengaliTigress1: i'm like oh god..
BengaliTigress1: and then at night....
BengaliTigress1: i walk past the living room...
BengaliTigress1: and my parents are talking to my aunt and uncle...
BengaliTigress1: about how stupid that bitch was and how she had no common sense...
BengaliTigress1: she was being so obvious when i wasn't there...
BengaliTigress1: like even when my mom told her how old i was ...
BengaliTigress1: she was like oh just give her..
BengaliTigress1: CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT
BengaliTigress1: UGH BITCH
BengaliTigress1: FAG LADY
BengaliTigress1: STUPID...
galibm2004: ohh
galibm2004: that's crazy
BengaliTigress1: GO BACK TO THE HOLE YOU CRAWLED OUT OF
BengaliTigress1: her sons....
galibm2004: so she wanted u to mary her son
galibm2004: haha
BengaliTigress1: one sounded like he had a sex change...
galibm2004: wtf?
BengaliTigress1: and one just looked like a stupid fob from bangladesh
BengaliTigress1: and they were both OLDER THAN TWENTY FIVE
BengaliTigress1: HOW GAY IS THAT
BengaliTigress1: TELL ME
galibm2004: wow
BengaliTigress1: OH MY GOD
galibm2004: that sucks
galibm2004: its okay
BengaliTigress1: my parents were like disgusted..
BengaliTigress1: i'm just hella pissed..
galibm2004: they probably were cool
BengaliTigress1: WHAT
galibm2004: and good looking
BengaliTigress1: ARE YOU SAYING
galibm2004: i'm kidding
BengaliTigress1: SHUT THE FUCK UP GALIB
galibm2004: it's funny
galibm2004: hey
galibm2004: i was just joking
BengaliTigress1: it's not funny
galibm2004: calm down
BengaliTigress1: oh my god...
BengaliTigress1: sorry
BengaliTigress1: so yeah..
galibm2004: ya u better be sorry
BengaliTigress1: if i ever see her again
BengaliTigress1: and she comes up to me..
BengaliTigress1: i'm gonna bitch slap
BengaliTigress1: her
BengaliTigress1: i'm not joking
BengaliTigress1: that fag is older than my grandma
galibm2004: i can't believe u told me to shut the fuck up
BengaliTigress1: sorry galib
BengaliTigress1: i'm sorry
galibm2004: aplogy accepted
BengaliTigress1: thank you
BengaliTigress1: so yeah...
BengaliTigress1: or i'll step on her foot really hard..
BengaliTigress1: and just keep on walking
galibm2004: wow
BengaliTigress1: that creates a big scandal among these stupid bengali people you know...

SO GAY