I don't want to be a pity case!

Last night Mike and I had a "tiff" and it was very unsettling to me, to say the least.  To start off, I'll explain the night from my point of view:

After work, I had to eat dinner and run off to Starbucks to do some group work for the night.  I was running late, due to traffic, so I asked Mike to pre-heat the oven for my pizza that I was going to have.  I got to his place and he said he made my salad for me.  So I said something along the lines of "oh, how sweet, thanks."  As I walked up to the salad I noticed that the onions were cut wrong, again, so I made a small remark about how I'll have to show him what I mean about how I like my onions cut for a salad (I'm picky about it, sorry).  Then I walked to the freezer to take out my pizza and he says that he already took one out for me.  I look at it and it's not my pizza... so I tell him that it's not mine.  He insists that it is... so whatever, I asked how long it's been sitting outside of the freezer.  So he flipped out and grabbed the pizza out of my hand and threw it in the freezer..... what the fuck?  (I've told him many times before that you aren't supposed to thaw the freaking pizzas before you bake them!)

This is where his point of view comes in:
So he says to me in a rather negative tone that "[I] do this all the time!"  He explained to me that I always pick out the bad in things that he does for me.  And that he had bought me a pizza thinking that it was the one that I liked.

So back to my review of things.  If I do this all the time, why is this the first time that I'm being told about it?  I know why... b/c Mike bottles things up until they're just about unbearable.  He doesn't like confrontation so he avoids it at all costs.  So instead of explaining to me that I was being a bitch about things, he decided to flip out and, in the process, totally put a bad taste in my mouth.  If he's willing to grab something out of my hand and throw it over a stupid issue... what's going to happen when we're dealing with a REAL issue?  My nature can't help but think about how the situation could get worse over time.

When I was driving back last night after my meeting... I somehow turned the situation into my issue.  Because I'm so sensitive to displays of anger, I completely shut down.  I was giving him the cold shoulder and not talking to him.  So as I was driving, I was thinking about how it sucks that Mike has to deal with me and my sensitivity to this issue.  How it sucks that because of my childhood, I can't process or deal with people who are violent or who raise their voice.  I have a tendency to push people away after I've witnessed their rage... even though I often display rage myself.  So, after some self-abuse... I still haven't come up with anything.  I can't help but think that Mike would be better off with someone who wasn't so sensitive.

Blah.  So I'm trying to be strong and I'm waiting for him to bring up the issue with me.  He knows that something's bothering me b/c I'm giving him the cold shoulder.  I'm tired of being the one who stirs things up, and I want him to be concerned about our relationship for once.  I can honestly say that I really hate to give him the cold shoulder.  Even as I'm typing that last sentence, my eyes are getting watery.  All I want is for him to talk to me and hold me at night.  But b/c of what transpired, I brushed him off and we slept on opposite sides of the bed.  I almost packed up my bag and headed home last night, but my urge to be near him prevented me from doing so.  Which is so symbolic of our relationship. I feel like I should just leave, b/c things like this aren't going to change, but I CAN'T leave.  I'm drawn to him.  And I keep blaming his faults on my faults.

If he doesn't care enough to bring up the issue with me soon... I'm going to have to have a serious talk with him. 

Just when I was getting excited about Tampa.... ugh.