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HappyByFaith
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Name: Celeste
Birthday: 4/26/1989
Gender: Female
Interests: i love Jesus, my family, real friends, badminton, photography, & down and away.
Expertise: either over achieving or surpassing the extremes of failing. and collages. im really good at those.
Occupation: photography
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  heavenlynite89
Member Since:
7/30/2004
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| goodness gracious.
well i'm in a relatively-much-better-mood than previously so i figured i should take advantage of that and write now.
okay pretty basic stuff i never wrote about before about my living situation:
-apartment
-5 other roommates in 2 rooms, so 2 triples... it's not bad.
-we have no kitchen (sigh)
-the shower only has extremely hot water but they may more may not have fixed that already
-my 5 apartmentmates are anita, magali, veronica (vero for short), ana, and emily. they're all incredibly nice and on the first night with them we watched a bootleg copy of meet the robinsons.
and then school situation:
-greek literture 105
-love and madness in medieval literature 131
-art of body in oceania 80T
-yoga :)
employment situation:
- campus coffee house/ cafe; today was my first day and it was a lot of fun
anyways, this past friday i went to biff (her real name is brianna but she goes by biff)'s apartment and watched a little of the debates... mccain's tie hurt my eyes. started homework back at my apartment... a long phone call with david. saturday i had work training and it was unnecessary and loooong.. but it's over and work is fun. then david and i drove back to pacifica to pick up some forgotten items.. then we went back to his house for the night/weekend.
i can't really bring myself to go into detail, but saturday night was something. surprisingly, not something bad, just... something [maybe new].
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| i guess right now is officially the end of summer. i've been able to push it back a couple times but i don't think i can do that anymore. i'd scroll back and count how many books i read this summer but my internet hasn't been too great so far and i don't even know if i'm going to be able to post this. i guess it's a little fitting that my last book of the summer is the last book of the sisterhood of the traveling pants. i feel like both this summer and the pants didn't really get the ending they deserved but that's what happens when you keep your expectations too high.
i moved my stuff in first last friday, but then left and came back again on tuesday. i've finally met all my apartment-mates and they're all really nice, so one of my summer fears has been settled. i've interviewed for a few jobs and i think i'm going to be working in a coffee shop this year. my resume isn't really progressing in terms of impressiveness but i think the coffee shop job might be a lot of fun because i like cashiering and making things and being busy.
today, it really struck me that even though i'm right here, this year could be an exact repeat of last year. i feel like i've already made a little ground because i'm getting to know my roommates and i'm getting out of the apartment and visiting other people, but in terms of feeling unwanted and uncared for i feel like i'm a pretty similar boat. this post could have been a lot more uplifting but i guess it found me at a bad time. i'll try to make the next one better. | | |
| i've noticed that most every time i write something, another thing happens to make it untrue. | | |
| this past monday through thursday i went to windsor with david, melanie and kyle and it was a lot of fun. well, relaxing and doing nothing mostly. a lot of swimming and eating and gilmore girls and reading. we also went to the charles schulz museum on the way back; it was so cute.
i'm comparing this summer to last summer and there are a lot of things in common. working, karr, piercings, anticipating a new school. difference-wise, though, last summer was sort of defined by going to mount hermon, going camping with david, melanie, kyle and hanry, working at pasta pomodoro, yoga class in the morning, and feeling like i was losing all of my friends from high school. brian, hanry, mario. brian, mostly. i don't really know how to describe what i lost with michelle, but after so much was gained in high school there was a lot to lose afterwards. at the time i was just angry; now it's sort of just a sad loss. i won't blame anyone, just it's a sad thing to happen because in different ways we taught each other about faith. and then there was anna. in previous summers we didn't see each other much because she was busy, but last summer it always seemed like she was busy and blowing everyone else off to be with mark. i understand wanting to be with the person you love, but i never thought that meant giving up your friends. anyways, "the heart of life" by john mayer was my theme song.
this summer was no class, just work, waiting and windsor. i spent most of it reading because i wanted to be somewhere else. windsor was really nice, but i guess in scale of all of summer it's not much. it does mean september, though. i didn't have mount hermon to look forward to this summer and that was probably one of the saddest things. mostly i would just work, hang out with david after work then go home and sleep. as i felt i lost friends to other things last year, this summer i felt i was losing david to his new job and coworkers. i still hadn't regained anna from last summer and the patheticness of everything really sank in. if i wasn't before, i became insecure, lonely, jealous and resentful. i'm pretty sure i was already all of those, though; i just saw all of it more clearly. towards the end of july and the start of august all of those bad qualities really started to tear at me. i couldn't hide behind my books and nothing's really worth anything when you consistently have no one to share it with. by letting myself see this, i think i finally found the courage and heart to be honest with two of the people i cared about the most. with anna, it was mostly allowing ourselves to rediscover why we are so connected and with david, it was finally learning to speak and listen. this summer my theme song is by paramore, called "hallelujah."
last summer i was a busy-ish body filling my time to escape what i didn't want to confront or understand. this summer i tried to escape behind books but found in my boredom and waiting i was forced to grow. i'm not sure if this will make a difference starting a new school again, but when people ask how my best friend is doing i can give an honest answer because i'll actually have an idea of what's going on. if someone asks how david and i are doing i can smile and say, "really well; i'm happy" then sort of cringe because happy isn't the right word and the word i want is so much more wholesome and less describable. i think having these things could make all the difference.
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| alright, so my reading pace has slowed a lot. i'm finding that i don't really read to take up time or escape to another world anymore, just to entertain and enjoy another story. i think i like it better that way.
today may or may not be my last day of work. i still need to talk to my boss to find out. i also don't really know what else to write about now. i've been sick since last thursday. on saturday and sunday i had almost no voice, and now it's gone down to just a cough. on monday david and i went to santa cruz and it turns out my real estate efforts were not in vain! they ended up getting this cute little beach house and it's so adorable. not really manly... but whatever, i think it's great. and now they aren't homeless anymore :)
this last book that i've read is the 3rd in a series called the little lady agency. it's about a girl (well, a 30 something year old woman) who helps guys organize their lives, find presents for family members, get new wardrobes, etc. "everything except sex and laundry" is her motto. the thing is, when she meets up with these guys, she takes the name "honey blennerhesket" (honey a nickname, and blennerhesket, her grandmother's maiden name). anyways, when she dresses up as honey, she wears a blonde wig and all of a sudden she feels much more beautiful and confident, and she's able to think much clearer and solve problems that she wouldn't have if she was just plain old melissa (her real name).
after the first two books, i kept wishing i had a honey blennerhesket persona of my own. where problems were solved just by slipping on a wig. during the third book, however, all this stuff happens and she finds someone that loves her for her and tells her she's a brilliant, sexy, confident woman with or without the wig. this was the first time she really accepted that and i felt really happy for her. afterwards, i felt like maybe i didnt need a honey blennerhesket of my own because i think i'm okay with who i am and things for the most part right now. | | |
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